not sure how we got on this subject last night, but lurch said something that really hit home. and totally warmed my heart.

since dh and i met, i have ALWAYS been bothered by a double standard and have really stored up a bunch of resentment in this regard. if dh and i have disagreed or argued about something, the kids have always acted like it's the damn end of the world. we rarely argue, and havent done so much in front of the kids. we've been married 7 years, we're not perfect, but we've done pretty good at handling diagreements behind closed doors. however, they can and do feel tension from it.

BUUUUTTTT.... if g-ma and her hubby argue, cuss and squabble it's no big deal. when MIL and FIL argue (and it happens aLOT!) they'll get up in eachother's faces and even throw s#!t - and to the kids, it's EFFING HILARIOUS.

but if dh and i are tense w/ eachother, it's the end of the freaking world with them. i have resented that for yeeeaaarrrsss.....

so i asked lurch about the double standard. he thought about it for a second, then said "well when u guys argue it's different cuz u're my parents. when they argue, it's funny and then we get to go home."

i thought about that for a while, and my heart positively swelled. basically, dh AND *i* are their rock, their world. if something were to happen between dh and i, it would totally change everything for them. the kids are all obviously much closer to their grandmothers than their granfathers, so if something happened between grandmothers and their hubbys, the kids lives would not really be altered in any measureable way.

i am one of the kids' anchors. and the thought of that ever changing totally freaks lurch out. that totally melted my heart and i cried like a baby, finally free of the resentment that i myself created in my own head and have carried around all these years. gosh i luv that kid.