Extra Curricular Activities for Kidults
DH is NCP and has paid half of extra-curricular activities for the SDs for several years now. SD17 just recently turned 18 and asked him if she could join up for a certain activity in the fall again. He looked at her and said, "well, that's up to you if you want to go". And she said, "Oh, you want me to pay for it myself?". He said "yes, you have a job and you're an adult now".
So, a quick question for you all. Do you think parents should have to pay for their kid's extra curricular activities after they become adults?
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If the 18 year old is in high
If the 18 year old is in high school, yes. If not, then no.
She's going back to high
She's going back to high school, but it's an extended program that gives them university credits. In other words, she has already graduated, but is returning for a special program.
Then no. I wouldn't. Not if
Then no. I wouldn't. Not if she walked and got a diploma and is earning university credits. Not if she has a job. I would if I had lots and lots and lots of money to spare but if things were tight?? No.
I know my son paid for his
I know my son paid for his own hockey after he turned 18. He didn't even ask us to pay.
It's a youth theatre group.
It's a youth theatre group. She really has aged out of it, but they are allowing her to return for one more year.
In that case she should foot
In that case she should foot the bill herself or at least ask for help with half.
Just curious. Why the HS
Just curious. Why the HS program? Why not earn some college credits at the college. She could join the theatre group there perhaps also and participate with peers who are also young adults.
If she's been working, the question of extra curricular activities to me would depend on what she has been doing with her own income. If she's blowing her cash, nope. If she's doing things like her cellphone, car insurance ect. I'd consider at least helping her partially, perhaps more.
My stepdaughter's HS had a
My stepdaughter's HS had a relationship with community colleges that allowed kids to take college courses there for like 15 dollars a class while they were enrolled in HS. That was cheaper than attending directly and she still got credit. It was a dual credit program.
She doesn't feel she's ready
She doesn't feel she's ready for college, and this was a way for her to stay another year in high school. We tried to get her to look at college programs, but she changed the subject every time it was brought up. Her mother encouraged her to go back to high school for the year, so it was like beating a dead horse.
She doesn't drive (afraid to get her licence), her mother pays for her cell phone. Her money goes to her hobby (costumes).
So now teens can graduate
So now teens can graduate from high school but go back for another year? That's news to me.... Four years was enough. And that seems wrong to me for a 19-20 year old adult to want to spend their days with 13-14 year old students.
Anyway, she is an adult and should be paying for her own activities. And those activities should probably involve other adults, not young teens.
Different strokes for different folks....
They can in Canada where we
They can in Canada where we live. She has no intention of doing post secondary studies in the field she was/is in in high school, but she doesn't feel she's ready for college yet.
And I agree, I wouldn't want to hang out with children at that age either.
But, if she's paying her own way for these activities, more power to her.
I was afraid I came off a
I was afraid I came off a little judgmental so I'm sorry if it offended you at all. You are doing the right thing by just stepping back and letting mommy infantilize her daughter. And your husband is awesome for not automatically opening his wallet. This is an interesting situation and I wouldn't be surprised if it caught on in the States if it hasn't already. So many parents seem hell bent on not upsetting their snowflakes by showing them the adult world. I'm very interested in how this will play out for this young lady. Hopefully your husband has laid down the law that there will be no 40 year old children living in his basement!
No worries! And, no, I don't
No worries! And, no, I don't want a 40 year old living in my basement :sick:
Are you in ON? Because that
Are you in ON? Because that 5th year is very common still.
Yes, I'm in Ontario. There
Yes, I'm in Ontario. There is no such thing as Grade 13 anymore, however many kids return for one more year for a "victory lap" (to improve their grades so they can get into their choice of college).
However, her high school offers a two year post graduation program which gives some university credits.
I think it depends. If
I think it depends.
If child is attending school "full time" and the parents have told the child that they will pay their way through school and the activity is a reasonable cost/endevour. Sure, the parents might pay for it.
If the kid has struck out on their own and is working full time and the parents are not in a financial position to continue to pay for something or they don't support that activity pursuit (skydiving)... there is no reason why they should have to do it.
Of course, there are a ton of different scenarios and gray areas. Depending on the cost, maybe the parents offer to pay or help pay in lieu of a birthday or christmas present.
Well, we (DH) can afford to
Well, we (DH) can afford to pay it, but doesn't feel it is his responsibility now.
Just like if she wants to go to the movies or Starbucks with friends. That is up to her to pay for it now, especially since she is working part time. We see the extra curricular activity as an extension of that. She now has discretionary income. If she wishes to spend it on the theatre group, that is up to her.
Extracurricular activities
Extracurricular activities are just that "extra". There is no obligation for the parent to pay them before or after the child turns 18.
If he doesn't want to pay, he has no obligation to. If he wants to meet her part way and give her some money that would have otherwise been spent on gifts for her birthday and Christmas.. that would be nice. I'm sure her part time salary doesn't go all that far.
But, he is under NO obligation to do it.
Thanks - I think I would go
Thanks - I think I would go crazy if he was like some of the Dads I read about here!
He thinks she's too old for
He thinks she's too old for the group. Even last year, she seemed a little out of place. A lot of the kids are around the 10-12 year old mark.
No, not a typo. A few of
No, not a typo. A few of them are 13-14, but most are younger. The program is for children from five to seventeen.
Quite honestly, it seems like
Quite honestly, it seems like her role with that group might be more in line with a volunteer or aid and not a participant. Maybe you should suggest she offer her services paid/unpaid to help out?
It would be nice for her resume!
We tried that, but she wants
We tried that, but she wants to be an actress.
She did do the volunteer thing last year when she auditioned for a play in a festival and didn't get a part. With this program, everyone is in the play, regardless of how small your part is.
She needs to understand that
She needs to understand that the more exposure she gets to theater, the better chance of her gaining her role as an actress. I would tell her that paying to have a role through this program is not being an actress at all.
I don't agree with "pay to play" sports and other activities. It sets up a precedent that you can do anything you want (regardless of talent).
That's very insightful.
That's very insightful. Thank you. That is something we can definitely use.
I understand that as a youngster, it's not a bad way to get into acting. They get acting lessons, blocking lessons etc. But she's been through all that four times now, plus she took four years of drama in high school.
Also, I am sure there are
Also, I am sure there are community player groups that she could join as an adult that may/may not cost money.
Yes, there are. We have
Yes, there are. We have talked with her about that arena as well.
I have a Facebook friend (who was a grade school friend) who is heavily involved in the local community players group. Perhaps I can get some pointers from her.
It wouldn't matter to me if
It wouldn't matter to me if he paid it. DH is not a spendthrift, nor a guilty Daddy. So, I know if he paid for it, he would because he believed he should.
Agreed. We tried to get her
Agreed. We tried to get her interested in college, any college, but she tuned us out every single time.
She thinks she's going to be
She thinks she's going to be an actress. I would like that for her too, but in the four years she's done the program, she's only had one year where she's had a decent part in the play.
Maybe she can signup with an
Maybe she can signup with an agency and try to get some work as an extra or work backstage at her local theater? There are plenty of ways to be involved that do not require someone to be the best at acting. But she needs to be proactive at doing these things for herself and learning how to support herself in the down times.
That's a great idea. Perhaps
That's a great idea. Perhaps we can ask her if she would like that to be her Christmas present. It's a little more than we usually spend, but it could still be a win-win situation.
Sometimes, and I am 41, I
Sometimes, and I am 41, I have a reoccuring nightmare that I have to go to high school again.
If she is taking a PG year
If she is taking a PG year then she should pay at least half.
Her BM is a "social worker"
Her BM is a "social worker" type who thinks she knows better than everyone else. SD has been drinking the koolaid for so long that anything her mother says is golden and anything that anyone else says goes in one ear and out the other.
When I started talking about college, SD just looked at me and said "I really just want to concentrate on high school right now". She literally just shuts down.