We ARE right!

This was in John Rosemond's column this morning. This guy gets it!

http://www.thestarpress.com/story/life/family/2016/08/25/john-rosemond-s...

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If a man or woman puts their

If a man or woman puts their marriage first before protecting their children from the mean step parent most of the problems here wouldn't happen.

SS mouths off to SM. BF pulls him aside and tells him he is out of line and will be grounded from electronics for 2 weeks and he will not tolerate speaking to his step mum ort any adult like that. AND he has to apologise. Kid apologises (but doesn't really mean it). Spends the rest of the week sulking in his room. Floats off to mummy's place next week. Comes back to Dads and guess what? Week #2 starts now.

SF hands his car over to SD to go to the mall. She wrecks it. BM tells SD she will take her college money and repay SF because in the real world this is what you do. Or she can hand over her part time income for xx weeks until it is paid off. Her choice.

I could not marry or live with a man who is not on the same page or even the same book as me regarding parenting.

I feel like a lot of men

I feel like a lot of men often do lack an approach to child-rearing. Like they kind of defer to the mom for discipline. While we as women are planning and plotting how to raise well-mannered and kind children by reading as much as we can on it (well, some of us--most of us on this board have an approach), the guys are sort of meh on that unless something mean/disrespectful is directed at them and even then it has to be like blatant.

They often might not even catch passive aggressive moves. Then even if they do, they may not know how to discipline for it.

DH often defers to me for discipline with BD, and I try to supplement him by sending him articles on proper discipline, but he still doesn't take it AS seriously as I do.

Maybe it's a guy thing?

Then again, lots of guys do ocmplain about their GF's/wives also being Disney moms to their kids.

I like a lot of his advice -

I like a lot of his advice - but he can be a little rigid.

I personally would not have wanted to be involved in SS30's discipline. He was an out of control psychotic by age 5. DH and BM spent years, thousands of dollars and a lot of time trying to put him on the right path. I am so glad that I was not around then. I would have tried and tried - but SS30 was just born to be a waste of space.

I pretty much disagree with

I pretty much disagree with this guy. I feel it is asking for disaster. HRNYC had a few good points but also think about this.

It works both ways. Lets say that YOU give your DH full disciplinary control over your kids. (his skids) And he does a great job with that. Then his kids come over and he treats them like he is a Disney parent. That will go over like a lead balloon for everyone involved.

I think this guys advice can work in a few cases but not many. People are human and you are talking about parent/child relationships and giving someone else (step) control over that.

I think the point was to obey

I think the point was to obey responsible adults in the home. Grandma, aunt Lora, stepdad, stepmom, the babysitter, etc.

This is what my SD (now, 25) was taught.

I had no problem correcting her or telling her what was what in our home. And she listened to me and obeyed me.

Obviously, my husband trusted that I wasn't going to tell her to go play in traffic or sit in the middle of the street. Although, we joke that she probably would have done it!

She was a pretty mellow kid, so I had it easier than most, but she also had a healthy fear/respect for adults. A lot of kids don't have that these days, even when it comes to their own parents, much less anybody else.

Yes, she was taught that by

Yes, she was taught that by her parents.

What ever happened to the

What ever happened to the tenant that my mother taught me when I was little.... Respect your elders? Didn't matter if it was a neighbor, a teacher, an aunt, a grandmother, a step dad.... if the person was your elder, you showed them respect. I have never understood the thinking behind the thought that if it's not your kid, then you should not be disciplining or instilling rules. If said kid is in my home then I DO and WILL have a say. How is it any different than if BS6 has a friend over and I ask them to stop screaming, or ask them to pick up their toys etc? (About the only place I would draw the line would be spanking. I would never spank a kid other than my own.)

I had a step dad. I HATED it when he told me what to do, because I had that snot nosed teenager mentality of "you're not my father" But my mother ALWAYS stood behind him and they were a team... if my mom made a decision it stood. If my step dad made a decision it stood. And if I got lippy and acted like an asshole, I got grounded.

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