Just wanted to post an update on our visit with the lawyer. It was good to get some legal advice and it tells us how to proceed.

First and foremost it's always better to settle out of court. DUH....

If BM won't settle for an agreement then.....

In a nut shell we would have to pay full CS as per the Federal Guidelines for SD15 plus extra expenses, unless we can prove undue hardship, which is very very hard to do.

Lawyer says there are two parts that the judge would look at. To prove undue hardship you must show two things:

That your circumstances would make it hard to:
pay the required amount; or

That your household’s standard of living is lower than the other parent’s household’s standard of living.

According to the lawyer we qualify for the first part hands down. Dues to DH waiving spousal support, half BM's pension, equalization payments, and taking a large loan to take over the majority of their family debt he have a real case. We cannot know if we would pass the standard of living part because it's a mathematical formula that requires BM's, SD20's, and any other person's income that lives in the house (BM's mother lives there) and compare it to ours, mine and DH. However, because I have two bios my contribution would be very little.

SD20 is a different situation and would not follow the guidelines as she is past the age of majority and have been out of school and in the work force. If DH and BM cannot come to an agreement for her then it would have to go to court for a judge to decide. It takes into consideration the difference between one child and two on the federal guideline scale...how much each parent can contribute to living expenses and schooling. It would then factor in SD20's income for the past year and her loan. SD20 would be expected to contribute half of her earnings, factor in what she still makes to go toward her living expenses and the CS amount. Her loan would go against her school expenses and the difference would be split in proportionate to income between DH and BM. The worse thing about this scenario it makes it seem like DH is out to put SD20 in a bad light...and he is not. Just wants a fair shake at things.

So in all reality it's not as bad as what we thought...but the lawyer's fees could be quite large. The only good thing is that DH's insurance through work actually give 25% off lawyer's for family issues.

He sent the mediator his proposal for CS and extras for SD15 and SD20 with DH's expenses and income. She forwarded on to BM. I expect to hear something on Monday.

It still is hard on both of us not knowing what BM will decide. I just hope it doesn't take long because it's hard on the nerves.