I failed again
So I flipping failed again... As she was unloading the dishwasher, I asked her to please put away the dirty dishes she used (so not all the dirty dishes) when she was done with unloading it.
I come upstairs later to see SO cleaning kitchen and I ask him, did you put everything in the dishwasher?
SO: Yes
Me: I asked her to put away her dirty dishes
SO: *grumbles* Does it really matter? I put away your dirty dishes all the time
Me: It matters because I specifically asked her to do it, and she didn't and you ended up doing it for her. Again. As for me, I put away YOUR dirty dishes. Oh, and fold, do laundry, vacuum clean.
So ladies and gentlemen, I failed again and I'm fucking pissed off at the SO - because he just does. not. get. it.
P.s. true, he did not know I had asked to put away her dishes. True, he did not know which dishes were hers or mine or whatever. True, she did not ask what I asked her to do and got away with it... again. And her dad will say f*ck all.
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It is about 101 Respect in
It is about 101 Respect in your own home, more than any dishes. If she is allowed to ignore your requests by him, you have no authority to make these requests. Your only choice would be to stop all of it for her, period; easier said than done. I would disengage with her, given her unwillingness to comply to simple directives and his inability to be a parent. Being able to ignore you, is just unacceptable; so now you ignore her.
Yep, you are right. This just
Yep, you are right. This just re-affirms my decision to disengage with her. Let's hope I can hold my tongue from now on.
Meh, I wouldn't care if a
Meh, I wouldn't care if a Martian loaded and unloaded the dishes... as long as one of them is doing it.
It's his kid to properly raise, or not.
>It's his kid to properly
>It's his kid to properly raise, or not.
Absolutely, I agree. Not my circus, not my monkey!
It's not really a big deal
It's not really a big deal who loads and unloads the dishwasher, but you specifically asked her to do her part. I think next time I would stand there and watch to make sure she did it now.... now because you asked her now. Don't let her think later is okay. As for dad, its really no big deal to him, but his kid respecting his wife should be. He had already put the dishes away, but he should have marched in there and let her know that this time he did her job for her, but the next time she is asked to do something she is to do it. He won't tell her. Maybe you should. Next time make sure she takes care of what you ask right away. She has shown you what happens if you walk away before the job is done.
Good luck
Exactly, I specifically asked
Exactly, I specifically asked her to do her own dishes - she didn't have to do anyone else's!
I think there won't be a next time. Hopefully! As I won't ask her to do anything anymore. "Helm, disengage!"
As long as the tasks was
As long as the tasks was completed and you weren't the one cleaning up behind her, why does it matter who did it?
Getting annoyed about dad cleaning up after his kid, makes it seem like this is a control issue.
Sorry if it wasn't clear - I
Sorry if it wasn't clear - I had been waiting on her to unload the dishwasher as that is her chore. So I was waiting on that so I couldn't physically put my dishes in.
I told her to put them away so I can continue cleaning the kitchen. However, I left the kitchen to do her dishes so I wouldn't be in the way. Tiny kitchen.
I also don't see asking someone to put away their things as picking on them.
Hope that clarifies the situation for you!
Sorry but I completely
Sorry but I completely disagree with you. One you do not know the entire situation of the chores. Bottom line she was told to do something and didn't. The SD should have done as she was told and didn't.
Exactly. It doesn't matter
Exactly. It doesn't matter what the details of the situation are - it's the principle. An adult in the home asked a child in the home to do something. Instructions should have been followed.
I think the next step for you
I think the next step for you in your disengagement is to find a way to stop putting yourself in a position to be defied or disrespected.
If you don't talk to SD, she won't be rude back. If you don't ask her to do anything, she won't be able to defy you by not doing it.
That leads to practical issues, like if you want to tidy up the kitchen but she hasn't emptied the dishwasher yet. So talk to DH.
"DH, I will tidy up the kitchen after dinner if the dishwasher is emptied. Otherwise it's up to you."
Now, it's a problem for DH to solve. He can parent SD or not, but either way, you're no longer affected by her defiance.
Either way its a pain in the
Either way its a pain in the butt!! I would have just looked at dh and said "wow thanks sweetie, i was waiting on sd, but you beat me." Hug or start helping.
Look id still be annoyed that the lil heffer got away with it, but dh is involved now, you cant change the fact he is doing it for her.
This is hard to do, and it took me a little to shake it off...but no matter what he will always grumble at "well sd was...or i told sd..."
The mind games...ughhh...the mind games over effing chores.
Are we asking or telling?? Do they have to do it, or not really? Is it a real chore or a "you have to do this or stepmom will nag me"...sigh...
stiefmoeder - listen or read
stiefmoeder - listen or read carefully....
disengage, if you ask SD to do something she will ignore you, it's fine... and as long as DH picks up her chores and not you, why worry....
Get use to SD ignoring you, and remember if she asks you for a lift to the mall or some personal toiletries, smile and say... Ask your Dad.....
SO: *grumbles* Does it really
SO: *grumbles* Does it really matter? I put away your dirty dishes all the time
Yes it does matter SO!!!! It matters because when any adult tells a child to do something and they are ignored IT FREAKING MATTERS! Geez what is it with these men?!