Today is chore day (according to DW's scheduling of household life), her son, SS15 has a few chores, one of them being the laundry.

Chores may be work, but the real chore is having to listen to SS15's constant whining and aggressive talk, mixed with seeking affection from his mother (do you love me mommy?), AND at the same time, remaining disengaged and not butting in to help DW with the onerous burden of her son, or to explain to her what's going on or to advise her in any way, nor telling SS15 to stop it.

And besides, DW will defend SS15 and tell me I'm "demonizing him." (Next time, I should say, "How can I demonize him? He's already a demon." But, disengaging is the route I've chosen. Truth is, it would be much, much worse if I engaged at any point and in any way - as I have learned by experience. The result is always the same, and it's never good. Hence my Sunday chore of bearing with this. It is the quickest most direct way to get through the day.)

Their interaction goes on for a good part of the day. She begs, supplicates and nags him to get out of his bed (where he's playing videogames) because the next load is ready to go in. She sets a timer, which he conveniently doesn't hear. She says, "The timer went off, time to put in the next load." He says, "I didn't hear it." She says, "It did."

Then he starts pressing her with "When did it go off? When!" to draw her off into a side argument about if the timer really did go off and having to prove to him that it did - anything not to have to do what he's asked. To me - this would seem like more work than just doing the laundry, but this is effortless to him. He is a master manipulator and gaslighter par excellence. And he's only just getting started. Imagine what kind of adult he will be. And the next person who tells me "all teenagers are like this," I'll just have to say that our society is in massive trouble if this is true.

Especially difficult to put up is how SS15 snarls and snaps at his mother, and less then a minute later, "Do you love me mommy?" And so on. Is he feeling guilty for abusing her and trying to make up for it? I think rather he is managing her by right and left jabs, abuse mixed with affection, to pull her strings. That explanation would be consistent with all the behavior I've seen over the last six years. Basically, you don't do this to someone in any kind of relationship if you're normal, that is, putting them down on one hand, and being affectionate with the other, unless you are doing it to manage and manipulate that person.

They have an enmeshed relationship as well, sort of joined at the hip. And SS15 loves and hates mommy at the same time. He is also in control of her, if not totally, to a large degree.

I really think that DW has chosen to live this way and that she deserves what she gets. This is what I have to keep telling myself, to not go into helper or advisor mode with her. In the meantime, I set the focus of my day to the projects I have determined to do. All of this is a huge distraction, if I plug into it.

PS: as I came back to edit this, a huge uproar erupted between them.