stop thinking about him as your nasty ex...... simply think about him as the sperm doner with no money }:)

you have hidden feelings regarding this man Sweet T and I'm not saying love, or hate, might be that he physically abused you or mentally and emotionally thus the anxiety attacks, you will have to sit and sort it out, get therapy and discover the reason for it... only when you face your demons will it get better

i'll pm you, sweet t.

I try not to communicate with the ex's (I have 2) anywhere near bedtime or first thing in the morning. If I start off the day reading an email from an ex I feel tense and anxious for hours. Likewise if I read a nasty gram before bed I can't sleep. Mid to late afternoon is the best time for me to deal w/ex, kid related issues, etc. I also go hiking and have a treadmill, working the stress out of your body is a positive way to deal with it.

Remember to keep it "business," no emotion or blaming at all. Stick to the issue at hand which should be strictly about the children's well being. Ignore any crap slung at you, dust it off and move on.

Lastly, listen to positive affirmations. Louise Hay has some great videos on YOUTUBE.

I too had a very confrontational XH. The last correspondence we had via text he was vicious and cruel. And it happened to be sent on my Birthday. He sent pages of nasty horrible things via text. Now...normally I am not one to back down from a fight. Especially with someone who deserves my wrath.
However, in this instance I said NOTHING. I refused to engage him. I could have responded with many many horrible nasty yet TRUE comments back.
And maybe I would have felt better for a short time. But I didn't.
The reason I just let it roll off my back is because his opinion of me doesn't matter. I am a damn good mother.
I raised an amazing son and I did it with very little help from him. So I have every reason to be proud.
His opinion of me means nothing. Plus, I know he is a narcissist who thrives on conflict. He was expecting me to unload or defend myself.
I am sure he was very let down when that didn't happen. I took away his power.

I know your situation is different. You still have to deal with the jerk for the sake of your child.
I agree that you need to get some counseling to deal with your anxiety.
But you also need to refrain from responding to his attacks. Eventually your XH will catch on that his rantings are falling on deaf ears.
If he has a question about your child, answer it. If he wants to plan pick up or drop of, do so.
The second he starts to get ugly or nasty...end of conversation. Stop all contact until he can be civil.
And keep a copy of all the nasty crap he sends you....Just in case you need it for court.

Hugs to you