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I cannot believe what I've got myself into

aussieindian stepmom's picture

Submitted by aussieindian stepmom on Sun, 02/19/2017 - 2:50am

I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I'VE GOT MYSELF INTO!!!!

Everyone told me to breakup with my boyfriend because of the step parenting issues i'd have with them.
But I didnt listen.

Its been a month of ups and downs with my husband and his kids.
Although they dont live in the same house as me, THANK GOD! we still have issues. And I mean my husband and I.
The kids are very well behaved for the most part. Its my husband I have a problem with in regards to step parenting.

He wants me to be involved with the kids and discipline them however, he gets very defensive when I see that a correction is needed.
Its so difficult to be a step parent.
I dont know how Im going to manage living the rest of my life with him and his kids.

And this is just the beginning!

Comments

KittyKatMomma's picture

Submitted by KittyKatMomma on Sun, 02/19/2017 - 6:46am

so is he the boyfriend or the husband?!
Either way the word no should be enough

No I will not parent your children
No I will not do your job for you
No I will not take over the "Mom" role for you

or just walk away

yolo222's picture

Submitted by yolo222 on Sun, 02/19/2017 - 8:36am

Ok so u married this guy so u r in it for the long haul. It may take some time to get on the same page with hubby. Sit down and go over house rules with DH and be specific. Rules and consequences should be in place and either parent should be able to enforce them. U and hubby need to be on the same page and be a United front or it won't work. I'm not a supporter of disengaging unless things are either violent or something extreme is goIng on. If u marry someone with kids I believe u should have the authority to discipline as long as your spouse is on the same page. U have to live with these kids and help raise them. U are essentially a parent while they are in your house.

aussieindian stepmom's picture

Submitted by aussieindian stepmom on Sat, 02/25/2017 - 3:25am

Yeah my husband wants me to be involved in their lives and discipline when needed.
But he gets very defensive when I point out when there is something wrong.
Also, he has zero patience for anything. He wouldnt sit down and go over the house rules.

Honestly, I love him and everything but I am slowly losing my patience with him.

Ive always been very well disciplined by my parents, but I understand parenting is very different in Australia as compared to India.

aussieindian stepmom's picture

Submitted by aussieindian stepmom on Sat, 02/25/2017 - 3:29am

Yeah its difficult to make him understand that he cant have his cake and eat it too.
we have them over the weekends once every two weeks, THANK GOD!

I HOPE THEY DONT MOVE IN WITH US LATER!

They are lovely kids and show me great respect but its my husband I cannot stand to reason with.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Sun, 02/19/2017 - 10:47am

Sit him down when the kids are not around and discuss with him his expectations. And give him examples like .."Last week Britney dropped her clothes on the floor and I asked her to pick them up. You jumped in and told me not to be picky. How is that fair? If I was her biological mum would you still jump in? Let's set out a list of expectations we can both agree on and we will always have each others backs."

He sees you as his wife but not an equal adult in the home. He wants you direct his kids but doesn't. As previously said he cannot have it both ways.

Hope the heat in Queensland is cooling down. I hear it has been brutal which makes tempers flare.

aussieindian stepmom's picture

Submitted by aussieindian stepmom on Sat, 02/25/2017 - 3:34am

Oh its so bloody hot here! Im waiting for the winters to come by.

Yes you are right when you say he does not see me as an equal in the home.
He wants me to just be 'that woman' in the kids life who they can look up to.

But the truth is that I need my home to be a certain way and I need things to go a certain way.
When I correct the kids, he doesnt stop me. He will support what I have to say but sometimes, he will act indifferent to me when I correct them.

He probably thinks I am way too strict with them.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Mon, 02/20/2017 - 3:44am

ah the normal SM life.... see you are suppose to love the brats like your own, you are suppose to clean up after them, drive them around and spoil them rotten, cause they are like your own.... but all hell breaks loose when you try and discipline or teach them something - nope you are not allowed to do that

You never read the fine print on the marriage contract stipulating you will have all the responsibilities of being a parent excluding teaching and disciplining.... yes you should've listened to your friends lol..

Only thing you can do now, disengage, if your husband complains tell him, either I'm a parent and I spoil and discipline or I'm nothing... you can't have your bread buttered on both sides.

then disengage... these are not your children, you are not responsible for what kind of people they become, you can not do or care more for the brats then their own parents.

Be a good little SM like me.... skid pick up your shit in the living room (expect nothing to happen) hour later pick it up yourself and simply trash it... their rooms is off limits