14 days of zen
I am challenging myself to 2 weeks of no nagging and no attitude toward my husband. I hate the word nag. I hate that I became one. I hate the sound of my high pitched voice when I babble on about something I shouldn't have to babble about.
He keeps saying my tone and how I approach him is what makes him so distant. Apparently, I always have a "tone." Sometimes I will speak to him and he will say "see, talk like THAT more often and I will be more receptive." These are the few and far between moments when I am most relaxed.
I just want to try it as an experiment. See if I end up receiving more affection, if our sex life improves, *if he disciplines skids on his own*, and so on.
BM kept skids yesterday so they come today instead. The sick to my stomach feeling of dread has begun.
14 days of zen. 14 days of letting things go. 14 days of expressing myself calmly. 14 days of not reminding him to do obvious things. 14 days of letting him parent.
I seriously wonder if I can even do it? :? I need to be held accountable. Maybe I will mark my calendar, too.
And
In other news...
It is BEAUTIFUL outside. Helps the mood so much.
AJ
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Comments
It's such a balance! How to
It's such a balance! How to be responsible for yourself and to allow others to flounder. Boundaries.
I don't think my husband would find me very interesting if I let him take charge of everything. Also, nothing would happen. lol.
Yes I am keeping it to
Yes I am keeping it to myself. Thank you
I read that a while back - I
I read that a while back - I liked it more than Fascinating Womanhood but both had good parts and bits that were a bit odd.
I don't think it's reasonable
I don't think it's reasonable to blame yourself for someone else's behaviour. If he's not receptive, if he's rude, if he's distant... that's all on him. It tells you a lot about him though, that he would avoid taking responsibility for himself and blame you instead.
He can be an aloof asshole
He can be an aloof asshole man child to the highest degree, no doubt.
I am just doing this to see if anything changes.
Thank you for this advice. I
Thank you for this advice. I have a few things in my mind that I can expect to irritate me and I will have to work on being relaxed about.
Also - he hasn't been giving me a lot of one on one attention and that makes me irritable. With skids there that will be worse. So I need to stay busy on my own.
He was supposed to have his car towed today because we currently only have my vehicle working. His needs something fixed. He wasn't prioritizing that as I would have liked today and I had to walk out of the room before I lost my cool. So discussing the car is a no no for me too. Let him figure it out.
Anyway, I know it won't be easy for me. I have taken on too much and "nagged" (hate that word) for so long that it is second nature. I have to do this though, for my own self - so I can see things clearly.
What you said! Exactly what I
What you said! Exactly what I hope to accomplish.
I have been working on some
I have been working on some things also. My problem was that on the surface I could ignore stuff but it would boil inside of me. When that was full I would spew all the stuff out at once. So no wonder HD gave me the deer in the headlight looks.
Now when something pisses me off I am quiet and I try not to show I am pissed. I will leave. Go to the store, my moms or just drive. While away I would get down to what set me off and try to explain it to DH from my perspective without anger.
Example: This happened last night. The night before last I made a huge pot of Chicken Tortilla soup. Normally when I make this there is plenty for all the night of and enough for 3 of us to take for lunch the next day. Our DD decided she wanted to make Burgers that night. So DH took some Soup yesterday for Lunch. Grand daughter had a small bowl while we had hamburgers. DD and DS had a small bowl after the hamburgers. After all was taken we had a little over 3/4 of pot full of soup.
This was enough for dinner for all of us. I get home from work put it on the stove to heat up. Take the lid off and there was less than 1/4 of the pot left. WTF. SD was the only one home yesterday. I have no idea how she ate it all. I would have to guess she had a friend or two over???
So I made sure the soup was heated up and told DH that I will be back after awhile. I came back about 2 hours later and told him that I am not mad because she ate the food. But that I was mad that she was inconsiderate eating what she should know would be enough for the family to eat.
How do you even teach this to someone who has not been taught manners?
Our kids know you ask before you take the last of something. Share the last bit of something. cut the last cookie in half. whatever...
I understand exactly what you
I understand exactly what you mean by ignoring stuff and letting it boil over - then you explode and everything you have been holding in comes out. My DH is always confused by it, too. He can't follow my train of thought when I get to that point.
I also have to walk away or actually drive away sometimes to get that distance to examine my thoughts.
Last night I could not sleep due to some financial worries and instead of demanding x,y,z or being as irritable as I felt, I decided to express my sadness and anxiety. Which is really hard for me. So I guess it is a test for me trying to express myself instead of act out of annoyance/on impulse - as much as it is an experiment for our relationship.
It is so much more than just
It is so much more than just a coke. I get it!
I came home from dinner with a friend and SS was using my lap top. I let him use it sometimes but I like to be ASKED first. It really pissed me off that DH didn't say anything.
I give and they take. If it is your own kids it is one thing, but with steps it is just such a tough pill to swallow.
Girl, story of my life. My
Girl, story of my life. My husband overindulges his son and turns a blind eye to a lot of bad behavior out of guilt. Then last night his daughter started acting like a mini wife. This shit is not for the faint of heart.
We can't care more than the parent is what it boils down to I guess.
She's 7. They want to enjoy
She's 7. They want to enjoy their kids while we suffer their bad behavior in silence, lol.
I already feel a little better with my no nagging thing I have going. I am working today and am not planning on checking in or concerning myself with what is going on at home.
It is just tough because I do want to be kind and loving, not disengaged. I just want to retain my sanity. We walk a fine line.
You are not alone in how you
You are not alone in how you feel. I hope things work out for you, too.
That kid is drinking too much
That kid is drinking too much coke. Why isn't he drinking Kool-Aid or milk or water??
Get a tiny refrigerator and keep it in a place to which only you have access.
Hide your one coke in an empty bag of veggies.
If the coke doesn't have to be cold, put it in your purse.
My Aunt used to hide her soda
My Aunt used to hide her soda in her room. My skids have to ask permisson to take anything other than water from the kitchen.
My DH cut the skids down to 2
My DH cut the skids down to 2 cans of pop a day. This was after they drank 2 CASES in one weekend. DH was absolutely appalled.
Yeah the difference in my
Yeah the difference in my case is SD is an adult. She should be able to cook her own food. But because BM and DH allow her to be a snowflake. They have no balls to set her in her place. I have no back-up so, she is a permanent guest in our home. We are in counseling and DH wants me to be her friend lol too late for that.
Hon - stock up on the wine,
Hon - stock up on the wine, for the next 14 days pretend you are watching a soapy on TV.... while you sit in your corner and watch how the brats rule SO and how his frustration grow...
belief me after day 3 you will start seeing the funny side of things, might be the wine kicking in
imply disengage, do nothing for them, say hello and bey, or ask your father....
it's just 14 days, you can do this... you will feel so much better and relaxed that you will keep on doing it..
I am always stocked up on
I am always stocked up on wine
14 days doesn't seem like much but "letting things go" is never easy for a control freak :sick:
I directed SD to see her father or grab the fruity pebbles herself when she asked for breakfast and I kept right on getting myself ready for work this AM. I am getting there... slow as a turtle... but getting there!
one day at a time AJ, one day
one day at a time AJ, one day at a time....
it becomes second nature after a while.... control freak or not... see the best control you can have no is to ignore and stay calm while SO is running around like a headless chicken pleasing the skids
control not to step in and help, control not to burst out laughing
AJ, my SD is also 7 and the
AJ, my SD is also 7 and the age is just difficult i think. she can be very sweet, i know she loves me, but after a while boy do i need a BREAK! i start to feel like every little thing annoys me. i can handle her in pretty small doses. i don't know if you've been asked this before, but are you an introvert?
knowing i am an introvert and need my own along and quiet time has helped immensely in our house! FDH is starting to really understand and pick up on when i need my alone time.