My sister the idiot...
Or how to become completely subservient to a “Disney dad” and his teenage mini-wives in 12 short months.
Yep, my sister has fallen prey to a Disney dad, any boy is he slick. You could solve the worlds demand for fossil fuels simply from the slick that runs out of his mouth. I have exhausted myself both emotionally and mentally trying to get her to see some of the red flags. I have cited books (Step-Monster), my own personal experience and lastly, this site. All to no avail because, naturally, they are “in love” and those types of things won’t happen to them *insert eye roll* I’ve met this man three times in one calendar year. And my dog doesn’t like him, enough said. He casts enough shade to cause a solar eclipse.
*cue dramatic flashback music* It all started this time last year. My sister, who by all accounts is an intelligent and highly independent person, met Prince Charming (age 55) on the dating site “Plenty of Fish”. Prince Charming was divorced two years with two teenage daughters . He lived and still does with his mother and father. His ex lives two blocks away.
From the time sister and Prince Charming were dating three months he has been pressuring her to sell her historic home and relocate to his city and “buy a house with him and his girls”. Based upon my investigation, Prince Charming does not have said funds to purchase his own home. So naturally, sister looks like a great fit for him.
In early summer, Prince Charming had planned a vacation at his family’s summer home a few states away. BM found out about said trip and “forbade” my sister from going, even though plane tickets had already been purchased. Prince Charming instinctively gave BM her way and told my sister she could not go. At this point, my opinion was sought. To which I instructed my sister to cut bait and run and this would only fester and become an even bigger problem. BM calling the shots will not end.
Fast forward to late summer, Prince Charming and sister finally take the romantic trip of a lifetime. All is good! Woodland creatures frolick with them in the wilderness and the stars line up cosmically… That is until the drive home. Where Prince Charming is oddly distracted typing the entire 10 hour drive. As soon as they make landfall in home city, he can’t leave sister’s house fast enough. As he had a “dinner date” with BM. She needed some help around the house also and he volunteered.
Sister ceremoniously breaks up with him. Mofo is bathed in relief. Sister tells of the daughters going out of their way to be passive-aggressive with her. How the ex calls and texts constantly while they are together. How she just felt so de-prioritized. One week passes and BAM! Prince Charming manages to slither back into her life. I’m guessing things weren’t so rosy financially without her as a backer. Three weeks to the day they get “engaged”. WTF?! Clearly, if you have these kinds of problems an engagement is not the answer, but you know it's "love" and "he is going to put up boundaries with his ex".
Now he has her in “therapy” as she has “trust issues”. Well, she didn’t before he came along. We are a small family. Only myself and children, aging parents and my sister. He has managed to cut her off from us systematically over the last year. We used to see each other biweekly. The last time I saw her was Christmas for two hours. She never calls or texts myself or our folks, who by all accounts are not it the greatest health.
So, here I sit typing out what is nothing more than my own manifesto about the long and stinging tentacles of blended life. With the reminder that there are none so blind as those who will not see. Pass the popcorn…
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No, but I was reminded of my
No, but I was reminded of my sister's predicament reading the chronicles of Ann
Unfortunately, no. Her house
Unfortunately, no. Her house goes on the market this week so she's plunging in head first.
That is it "Smart Women
That is it "Smart Women Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Men Avoiding the Wrong Ones." My copy from 1985 is worn from being lent out so many times. It is not in print anymore.
Crapola. So many red flags.
Crapola. So many red flags. I'm sorry, I know how painful it can be to be cut off from loved ones in an attempt to isolate someone you love.
Please give her my name and
Please give her my name and number. It's like I'm reading my own bio!!!! Please tell her to slow down - if it's love and meant to be, it will still be love and meant to be in 6 months or a year. She's trying so hard to make him and his kids happy, she isn't considering her happiness and that's the way it will be for the balance of their relationship. My heart is actually racing in fear for your sister. My therapist told me (when my then-husband told me he had seen the light and would change), let him show you. Let this man show her how things will be for a period of time - not 2 weeks but a period of time where she can be sure his boundaries are strong and not bullshit. Words mean very little when they are not supported by action. I feel so badly for your sister. Please try and convince her to slow things down.....
You cant make her decisions
You cant make her decisions for her. If she CHOSE this route, these are HER choices and HERS alone. You have done what you could to educate her, but she is not thinking with her head she is thinking with her heart (and something else me thinks). You cannot save her from her folly. We all read this and know where it is going. We read the writing on the wall. She has CHOSEN to ignore your warnings and is staying away probably because you know what Prince is about, she has told him and now he knows you are against him so you are now the BAD GUY. Yup. There it is. You tried, and she did not see the light, and reality and is not taking the cautious route.
She will fail, of course, to make this relationship work the way she wants it because BM will always be there pulling the strings. BM and Prince are still in a "relationship", and the children know this of course. She will never be number one, she will be the outcast, she will be sad and miserable and might just be a new member on this site in the foreseeable future.
One thing is clear, this is not going to end well for your sister, so get the wine and chocolate ready, with a few boxes of tissues. Hopefully it breaks off before the wedding.
Good luck.
Thanks everyone. I appreciate
Thanks everyone. I appreciate the kind words.
oh no sue, she's engaged, no
oh no sue, she's engaged, no side-dating!!! she is going to marry this romeo.
but i think you are dead balls-on accurate - " but try not to think of her so harshly. It's hard, but there's nothing out of the ordinary that she's doing. Every woman is stupid at some point in her life, and women get duped by men every day."
princess, all your references and wealth of experience are valuable to you and you want to pass that on to your sister. you know as well as i do that she wont listen, she will have to make her own mistakes in order to learn. it's so hard when you've come out on the other side to watch someone you love go through this.
Oh Lordy. I've got nothing
Oh Lordy. I've got nothing else.
Damn ....she needs to slow
Damn ....she needs to slow her roll and do a reality check on her relationship with this guy.
Gross.... he is BMs On-Call helper. She will never ever be a priority in his life .
Poor thing ...I give her 3 months before she realizes she has made a GIANT mistake .
Maybe send her an email wth a well thought out check list of red flags to look for and see if she will honestly respond if any apply to her relationship .
Let her know that you don't
Let her know that you don't agree with her choices but make very sure she knows you are there for her and will not put her down and shove this mistake in her face when she decides to leave.
My neice was in an abusive relationship and the whole family was blue in the face from trying to make her see what an ass he was.
All we did was push her further into his arms. She got to the point where she was going to Prove us wrong, she'd show us what a great guy he was!
It was another aunt who said we have to stop berating her and telling her how dumb she was for staying with him. She made each of us promise to tell the neice that she had a place to come home to and that she could call at anytime and we'd be there for her.
Sure enough 6 months later, she called. She'd left him and he wouldn't let her take anything from the house. She had the clothes on her back. A couple of uncles went to get her and strong armed their way into the house so she could get her things.
She said she really had to swallow her pride to call. She had to not only deal with his crap but she expected a very loud chorus of "I told you so!" from the family. We kept our collective mouths shut in front of her, hard as it was.
^^^^ This, great advice! I
^^^^ This, great advice!
I was like the niece in this story and the more my family pushed (especially my mother) the more I dug my feet in and stayed with the idiot. I wanted to prove so desperately that they were wrong and that I could change him and make them see that we were great for each other! LOL! I am so glad I finally snapped out of it but it took me having a child with him to do so
Mofo - why would you want to
Mofo - why would you want to warn your sister lol... dang she's not suppose to live on your life's choices, she can make her own mistakes ....
I will never tell any woman not to hook up with a guy with teenage daughters, never ever, I have to suffer thus all off you have to suffer.... Eve ate the apple and we are suffering......
but I get it Hon, your sister is an idiot, she's so afraid of being alone that she will do anything for Prince Charming, please tell her - if it did not work out the first time, it's not going to work out a second third or tenth time, and Lord of the Rings is only a fable - rings does not fix all... wish I was closer to your sister I would've slapped her awake and forced her to run, even if I had to drag her by the hair with me
Some of the most intelligent
Some of the most intelligent people I know need to "learn the hard way." Hope she has a prenup (yeah right) and hope her divorce fund is secretly stashed away somewhere.
Problem is the more you try to warn people, the farther they pull in the opposite direction. You'll just need to be a soft landing space when the SHTF.
(maybe if she insists on a prenup he'll run!)