Married 16 years. Married before, was in the Army for 12 years, as an LPN ICU Burn Nurse. Went back to school later in life, finished after everyone was gone out of the house, and have a Lic. Professional Counselor. Have 3 bio.children and raised my husbands 3 children. My husband's children were mental, emotional, and physical abused by their mother, the oldest was the most abused physically. The bio.mother was sent to federal prison for 7 years. I got the youngest, girl Catie at 9, middle boy David 11, and oldest boy Robert 13. My children at the time were youngest, boy Hunter at 10, middle girl Madison 13, and my oldest son Brandon was out of the house age 18. Two were mandated to go to therapy the youngest Catie and the oldest Robert. Robert was too angry and ended up not going. I took Catie to therapy 2 times a week and then every week until she was 16 y/o.
Catie is now 26 y/o, David is 28, Robert 31.
It is horrible the whole time I had them, their Dad was no support and is very passive aggressive. What I know today I would have never married a man with 3 children that were abused, not to mention the youngest being the only girl. She was do displaced when I met my husband and being groomed unconsciously. They all three to this day work out all their problems on me as if I'm their bio. Mom. They project and create this atmosphere that the smallest thing can set them off and blame me. I am the root to all their problems. LOL
So...... Thanksgiving comes around. David the middle child is engaged and has been for a year, however has not told us parents anything. However, Catie (who knows everyone's business) said that Shannon, David's fiancé bought her dress all ready with no date of a wedding. She bought it in October. The reason I find this a problem is that 1. David is closes to me 2. She called me Stepmom, first time she was told David does not call me that, the next day we went out to eat and David left the table and she said it again. 3. David went to West Point and was picked up to become a Doctor. He found her on line and she has had her claws in him since. She is 5 years older than him, so it's baby time for her too. 4. She has a Master's in Mental Health and took the extra semester to get licensed like myself, however said she never took the exam. The exam is 3 hours long and very difficult to pass. I think she did and didn't pass.
So getting her dress in October was pushing David to get married. So, we have all been drinking, not a good idea with all three of his children in the same space. First it starts out with Robert and David talking about how important they are in the Army, as officer's like their Dad, I was enlisted however have a Master's. Robert who me and Randy have talked to on countless times about treating the enlisted with respect as he thinks he's better. They continue to brag how they told this enlisted soldier that or he did this etc...I was like what????
So, I ask about the wedding. David is laying down and Shannon is sitting up. They say they have nothing planned. I mention Shannon has her dress. We don't have anything planned. I continue and while I'm asking questions I am told by Catie to shut up, and I told Catie it isn't about you right now. So, I pushed that if we are going to do the Rehearsal Dinner we need to know and we have to pay for people to get to the wedding etc...and I was told to stop by Randy, David never sat up, Shannon said she doesn't expect anyone to pay for anything. I left the room, Randy followed me and started in on me, then I walked away and came back to find Catie crying to her Dad and I said O' there's the couple (I should have never said implying the enmeshment). Catie left and went to her unsupportive Grandparents. As they all did the next morning to talk about me, including my husband. So, I had to apologize to everyone. So, I did, for being too assertive as I scared Robert's wife and Shannon as they've never seen someone be so aggressive before. I'm like OMG.
So...1 week later I get a nasty email from Catie on how I'm the root of all her problems etc....
Then my bday is in Feb. I get a manifest from Robert on how I'm all the problem for all three of them and I cause all the problems. I've raised these kids for 16 years as their Dad was in the Army and a Doctor who was never around.
No one say's Happy Birthday.
Next, we get a call that David is getting married May 7th and now wants our help.
I am so tired of this....any advice would be helpful.