Sister Stockholm Syndrome...
So now Prince is calling the shots as to when and if she can answer her phone. A phone he recently bought her for her birthday. Here's how this scenario played out yesterday...
So, I foolishly, attempted to call sister last night to chat with her about her nephews' parent-teacher conference and to let her know how well they are doing academically. The call was unanswered, but I got a truly disturbing text that read, "I'm in Prince town this evening and HE prefers if I don't answer calls during our "family" time but you can reach me tomorrow when I'm back in home town *insert stupid smiling emoji*. :jawdrop:
What in the ever loving f*ck?! If someone ever tried to tell me I couldn't answer a call from MY family, the only family you have besides your aging parents, I would personally rearrange their face with a jar of honey, a tree stake and an angry mound of fire ants!! It has become abundantly clear to me that this guy has surpassed mild nuisance and crossed over into dangerous territory. I suspected he was isolating her but this is too much. He seems to be treating her like a child, and controlling her as such.
But I noticed Prince's special snowflake mini-wives didn't have to holster their phones at Christmas when they were having "family" time with us. I'm sure that's just a mild oversight. Those girls had suntans from all the screentime. And it's been mentioned to me by sister that those girls are constantly on their phones. Even when they are attempting to eat or watch tv.
I'm done, literally. There is nothing I can do at this point. Our parents are elderly, and not in the best of health. What if it had been a call about them? Or worse, something wrong with one of the boys? I'd have a better chance getting a hobo off the street to assist me than her. I'm not sure what to do at this point... I guess just stay out of it but it is frightening to watch.
How many times have we heard about gaslighting, emotionally abusive dhs and told the op to flee? Countless. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. Watching this all from a far but utterly helpless to stop it.
Ugh....
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I've tried but found little.
I've tried but found little. However, he was a former police officer so that may be hampering my search. He know works security for a large university. So I'm sure he's well aware of the gray areas of the law and how to maneuver them.
Anotherstep, thank you. I
Anotherstep, thank you. I will look into this.
I agree with anotherstep -
I agree with anotherstep - highly unusual for a police officer to switch to security - unless he is high up in management. In most states you can run a criminal history check on-line through the state for a small fee. Since he has been in law enforcement he probably doesn't have one, but it would be easy to check.
We've had several cases here
We've had several cases here of former po po going to security (at young ages) and come to find out they are stalkers or worse.
Morri, I have tried! You and
Morri, I have tried! You and both know if I showed up on the doorstep staring WWIII I would look like the bag of nuts and she would cleave to him even harder.
Morri, at this point I am
Morri, at this point I am just trying to maintain a safe and judgement free place for her with me. I am keeping my contacts casual with her and pertaining to nothing overtly personal (the kids, pets, folks, weather) in an attempt to maintain some normalcy. Because if Prince finds out I'm on to him it's going to be a full scale war.
That sounds like a good idea,
That sounds like a good idea, Super. Thanks.
Be aware that her phone
Be aware that her phone probably has spywear loaded in to it.
interesting point!!!!!
interesting point!!!!!
This was my initial thought
This was my initial thought as well.
Seems like you are close to
Seems like you are close to your sister. Maybe sit down and write her an email or letter and express your love, your concerns and the fact that you can not support what she allowing to happen, but you will always be there for her if she needs you. Then take a page out of the SM's handbook and disengage.
Sorry this is happening to your sister. It happened to me and I allowed it to go on for almost 5 years.
I've contemplated that email
I've contemplated that email approach, Ninji. But my sister would merely see it as a battle cry to defend Prince. I know her as well as I know myself. She would stick this relationship out just to spite me. It's in her nature. I on the other hand am the opposite. The whole reason I am alive today is because a good friend of mine woke me up to the dangerous path I was on with my first ex-dh, who was mentally unstable.
Yes, definitely let her know
Yes, definitely let her know that you will be there in a heartbeat if she ever needs your help. I refused to leave for years but when I started looking for an out, I had no one that believed me or cared. I would have left long before I did if I had family support. I begged my father for help and he left me to die and blocked my calls. I was told later that he said it was just too hard on him to have to deal with it.
She has joined the "Cult of
She has joined the "Cult of Prince" Charming, whereby the brainwashing has already taken hold and she will be giving all her money over to the cult, and working 3 jobs, as well as sleeping on the floor of her own home, her waking hours transfixed by the cult leaders every word. Her every movement controlled by cult leader. She will need to be kidnapped and re-programmed, if anything is to be done to save her.
Aside from all the obvious
Aside from all the obvious controlling relationship issues, it also sounds like this guy might be trying to overcompensate his custody time. It all feeds into the Disney Dad complex. If a NCP dad has his kids, he expects the earth to stop on its axis and suddenly revolve around his kids and "family time".
It is an easy trap to fall into... you can talk to your sister later we only have skids EOWE let's make the most of our time with them. It sounds logical at first, but I had to put my foot down early with DH. My life and my family doesn't stop mattering just because you have your kids. You should gently and kindly encourage her to find a healthy balance.
Thank you! That is exactly
Thank you! That is exactly what I have tried to point out to her for over the last year. You stated it perfectly.
It's hard because to the
It's hard because to the naive (like me) it makes absolute sense. After all, he just wants to maximize their time as a family. But I think the most concerning part is how she phrased the message "he doesn't want me to take calls during family time." It would be totally different if the message had said "we are in the middle of a movie or a family board game, can I call you back"
It has to be her choice and never forced on her by his expectations. I'm struggling this weekend b/c my SD has an important game Sat (state finals), but it is also my only nephew's first birthday. Where are my priorities? With my family and my nephew, or with my blended family and SD. I haven't made my decision yet, but the most important thing is that it's mine to make. My DH will not force me to go to SD's game nor will he look down on me if I choose my nephew's party.
I'd be planning a trip to her
I'd be planning a trip to her new place with a housewarming gift and I'd take someone with me that is observant and might see or catch things you aren't notching while you are interacting with your sister. Maybe your DH?
Thanks. My genuine fear is
Thanks. My genuine fear is the fallout that this will create for her. My sister does not do well with break-ups, divorces, rejection. I almost feel like I'm juggling too many balls in the air right now worrying about her, my folks, and my boys.
Sounds like a lifetime movie
Sounds like a lifetime movie in the making. Or one of those forensic files documentary shows I watch.
Just stay vigilant. The guy does seam to be isolating her. But am sure you sis is too far in to figure it out just now.
Girl I feel you. My sister is
Girl I feel you. My sister is the same. At Christmas she was supposed to pick up gifts at my house. I left the light on and the window open and door unlocked cause I was in my room wrapping. So instead of calling my phone she leaves my house and calls her boyfriend who texts me. WTF. Then after xmas we go to Busch Gardens and I ask her if she wants catsup for her fries and she looked at him for the answer
why did I just get a feeling
:jawdrop: why did I just get a feeling that Prince Charming is a wife beater, you sister is in for a very very hard time,
I'm sorry
Too bad you can't drive over
Too bad you can't drive over there and drop off ALEXA for a housewarming present