Can BM just drop by to "check" on the kids?

So DH will have the skids for a month during the summer. I was just curious since DH has 50/50 custody does DH have the right to tell BM that she cannot just drop by to "bring" the kids something like junk food for instance. She cannot be trusted in our home and DH does not want her there while he is not there so can BM just drop by when she wants even though she is the CP. BM will use the excuse that she is "checking" on the kids or that the kids needed something so she brought it by for them because they asked her. I mean they are in DH's custody during this time for the summer so does BM have a right to do this?

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Your DH should tell her that

Your DH should tell her that he is perfectly capable of taking care of his own kids for a month, without any help from BM. He should let her know that if she just shows up, she will be trespassing.

If the CO states that it is his time, it is HIS time.

BM has no 'rights' to be on

BM has no 'rights' to be on your property at all. But if Dad allows her to stop by whenever the mood strikes her, it's a DH issue, not BM.

So, are the skids going to be at your house for the month with no one around during the work day? I'll assume the skids are old enough and mature enough to do so, but the next issue after will be the skids letting BM in whether Dad shuts it down or not. Without a neighbor spy (no, no neighbor is going to volunteer to peek out the window from 8 to 5 Monday - Friday, LOL) or cameras, how will you know?

If you have everything the kids need and stock the kitchen with kid easy food, what else would the skids need to call BM to bring? Well, the answer to that would be absolutely anything and everything BM can think of , so just assuring their needs are met won't stop her. It won't stop the skids from calling and asking for McDonald for lunch either.

No we hired a babysitter they

No we hired a babysitter they are ages 10 and 12 but not mature enough to be left alone by themselves. The babysitter is going to be told that no one is to come by even BM without DH being there. The only instance that BM will be able to come by while DH isn't there will be if she is picking them up for this occupational therapy that she has both skids in. In that case she will need to notify DH ahead of time to let him know that she is picking them up. The kids will also be told that she will not be calling BM to come by and "bring" them things while we aren't there. If they do their phones will be confiscated and they will have to communicate with BM on DH's phone until they can learn to follow the rules.

Well then, now Dad just needs

Well then, now Dad just needs to make sure BM knows all this. She doesn't need to enter home to pick-up for therapy. Discuss with your sitter the do and don't and that sitter need not open the screen door to crazed mommies who beat on the door with bags of donuts or chicken nuggets.

Seriously, once informed that she is not welcomed on your property , she is trespassing. The court has awarded this month to Dad and BM has no 'rights' to drop by whenever. Dad can lay out how she is expected to call first about appointment the kids go to, Dad will let sitter know the when and she can pull up and kids come out. Same on delivery.

Next will be (example) therapy last 60 minutes, travel time 15 minutes, but BM picks kids up 2 hrs early and returns them two seconds before Dad is due home. Equals total of six hours for a one hour session. LOL. If they only go once per month, instead of my scenario actually happening, perhaps Dad can tell BM upfront she may have the kids for lunch that day. I'm sure she'll be missing them and letting her have a couple hours just might help stopping all the other attempts of getting to see them on his summer time with them.

Yeah I am sure DH would have

Yeah I am sure DH would have no problem with that is was just the unannounced visits that happened last year that DH doesn't want to happen again. So I guess he needs to inform BM of what the do's and dont's are.

Yes, he has the right to tell

Yes, he has the right to tell BM that she can't come into his home in his absence, whether the skids are there or not. If she would like to talk to them via telephone, I think that's reasonable, but an in-person visit is not, and she certainly is not entitled to do so.

Well DH had problems last

Well DH had problems last year and he told BM that she is not to just show up at her house for any reason without notifying him first especially if he is not there.

I agree with your

I agree with your downsouthinTX. As far as doctor appointments and therapy that BM has scheduled for the skids there is really nothing we can do about that I assume since it has to do with the welfare of the skids correct? BM is able to come pick up the skids as long as she notifies DH I would assume? But, even notify him that she is bring the skids something that they are not in dire need of I think that DH has every right to tell her that she cannot since it's our house and it is his time.

The therapy appointments that

The therapy appointments that BM schedules are for like 2 pm in the afternoon once or twice a week. It is for occupational therapy and speech therapy and there is no way that DH cannot take off of work at those times twice a week he has too much on his plate. DH also doesn't want someone strange in our house while neither of us is there. I understand it is for the kids welfare but, BM is the one that thinks they need the therapy and DH has taken them to a doctor to get a second opinion and that doctor said that the therapy is not a necessity. So should DH still accommodate what BM wants even though the doctor that DH took the kid to says that he doesn't think that the kid needs it.

snort

I think if BM stopped by my

I think if BM stopped by my house to "bring the kids something" I'd take it off her, close the door in her face, and bin whatever she'd brought.

I think if BM stopped by my

I think if BM stopped by my house to "bring the kids something" I'd take it off her, close the door in her face, and bin whatever she'd brought.

We had to get a PPO to keep

We had to get a PPO to keep Medusa away during DH's time with the skids...

Yes, he absolutely can tell her to stay the hell away.

He is a grown ass man who is capable of taking care of his kids.

DH would likely kill BM if he

DH would likely kill BM if he found her in our house. Not even kidding on this. To be fair, she's someone with a mental illness (diagnosed BPD) with a gun, and was found by her exSO (the one she cheated on with DH) playing with a knife after she ripped apart their kitchen when DH wanted to break it off with her.

So. Yeah. He'll attack first, ask questions later.

I would just send her a certified letter, and then if she does, call the police for tresspassing.

My DH has said the same thing

My DH has said the same thing and I believe him.

Dang that is crazy. BM over

Dang that is crazy. BM over here was just caught taking pictures of our house which is why DH doesn't want her there when he isn't there. She was also asking our babysitter questions last year when she dropped by to "bring" the kids something. DH told her that she is not to ask our babysitter personal questions and she is not to drop by unannounced.

I have a question about ROFR

I have a question about ROFR in this case.

If DH has the kids with a baby sitter all day while he is at work, does he have to allow his EX ROFR if she wants to take them for some amount of time? Should he?

IMHO, if the kids are with a baby sitter and BM asks in advance if she can come take them too lunch. (not come in the house... but perhaps pick them up there). That would be ok right? How is that impacting dad's time with the kids.. he's at work.

There is no ROFR clause in

There is no ROFR clause in DH's CO. If BM wants to take the skids to lunch it would not be a problem or pick them up for an appointment but, the issue was that she was just dropping by to bring them stupid things just because they wanted it and she came over our house without notifying DH asking our babysitter all sorts of questions. While BM has the right to know who is watches her kids I really don't think that she has the right to questions our babysitter because DH's judgment should be sufficient enough.

I would still pay the sitter

I would still pay the sitter as agreed for the time committed. But I would be fine if the BM wanted to go to lunch with the kids instead if I got advance notice.

Now, BM stopping by unannounced? in the home? pumping babysitter for info? NO... I would put sitter on notice of that as well.

Nope - it's interference.

Nope - it's interference. Dad is certainly allowed to go to work when his precious snowflakes are there and hire a sitter - you know, like a million intact families that work full time.

There is NO reason that a BM can't survive time away from the precious poopsies.

You know damn well that if dad had the day off of work, and wanted to take the kids to lunch while BM was at work, she would tell him NO!

Same rules apply for her.

The kids are never left alone

The kids are never left alone because they fight and aren't mature enough. They are ages 10 and 12. Yes we are afraid OSS will let BM in. But the point is I was asking does BM have the right to just come by whenever she wants while DH is not home to "check" on the kids. DH wants to prevent this from happening again and we don't want to have to stress because we did last year a lot because of these instances.

No one has the right to

No one has the right to trespass on someone else's property. Just have your DH remind her that she is not welcomed on the property for any reason and the cops will be called every time no matter what her excuse is because she's being warned in advance. If the kids are being left with a babysitter at the house then he needs to take their phones and keep them if they cannot be trusted to use them appropriately. Have your DH tell the kids that no one is allowed over while he is gone and that includes their mother and if they are caught breaking the rules they will lose phone privileges while he is gone so they can't text ANYONE to bring them ANYTHING.

If you can put a stop to

If you can put a stop to these "visits", do so. We had to deal with this behavior for years. My DH had 50/50 custody, with the kids changing houses every other week. BM showed up at our house on average 5 days out of 7 dropping off things, taking the kids shopping or for meals. All of this was arranged via the kids cellphones, without either of us knowing. She set up doctor and dentist appointments on our time, without telling DH, and would just show up at our house or school, and take them.

This behavior is part of the PAS handbook, which states that no one, including your father, can or will look after you better than meeeeeeeeeee.

and yet, you try to interfere

and yet, you try to interfere with his time.

Nice irony there - said no one ever.

Yes lala-land that is exactly

Yes lala-land that is exactly what was going on last summer with the skids. They would call and text BM to bring them food, stuff that was at BM's house that they wanted. It wasn't things that they really needed. It was video games and other stuff like that. It was like mommy to the rescue. BM is at their beckoned call and DH isn't. I remember one time it was about 1 am in the morning and OSS called BM because YSS took his laptop so then BM calls DH's phone waking both of us up telling him that YSS needs to give OSS his laptop back. I was in total shock and awe because it wasn't an emergency but DH told BM that she is not to text or call before 9 am or after 9 pm unless it really is an emergency. But, whenever the skids have a problem mommy is the only one that comes to the rescue and apparently DH is not capable of doing it so yes I know about typical PAS! Then BM tells DH as much as you don't like my kids tell me everything and don't tell you anything.

Oh the memories....the late

Oh the memories....the late night phone calls, texts and Skypes to the kids. No particular reason or emergency. Our BM would talk to the kids for hours, between 1am to 3am in the morning. We were asleep and didn't know what was going on, but guess who had to deal with getting them up for school that morning. At BM house, she wouldn't make them get up to go to school if they were tired, but at big, mean dads house, they had to go to school. You should have seen the number of absences and lates they had....all from BM house. On average they were absent 1 day per week and late 3 days a week at BM house.

You should do what ever you can to limit the non-emergency communications between BM and the kids during DH time. I lived this for 17 years and would not recommend it for your health or the wellbeing your DH or the kids. Again, the PAS handbook dictates that all relationships that the kids have, must be closely monitored and controlled by the PASing parent. This does not end well.

My ex and I both get our kids

My ex and I both get our kids for several weeks at a time during the summer. I will not be dropping by his house at all, even if it is only 10 minutes away. And, the same will go during my time. If the kids forget something, then they will do without. Unless it is an absolute emergency, we don't interrupt each other's time with the kids.

She shouldn't be dropping by to bring something as unimportant as junk food. Your DH should just set the boundaries now and stick to them.

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Can BM just drop by to "check" on the kids?

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