Why couldn't you go as well?

What exactly is your issue with this situation?

Is it that you are afraid BM and your DH will hook up?

Is she trying to get her hooks in him.. or is he still hung up on her?

Or are you upset that you are missing a trip to disney.. or that your DH is having a fun trip without you?

I mean, all of those things could potentially make someone upset.

However, if your husband and his ex can get along and let their kid have a good time without drama.. I guess more power to them? That might not mean that they are actually BEING a couple, but it is nice (though not always possible) if they can put their differences aside every now and again.

So buy a plane ticket and show up. As chaperon, your Dh will have to sleep in a hotel room with the students. BM as a tag along has to have her own room. If she can tag along, so can you. You just pay your way.

DH has already signed up, be selected and is committed. He's not responsible for BM or for whatever tricks she pulls. So if you can't stomach BM tagging along, hey, go along and tag with her. Both of you ladies will have to remember , however, that Dad is assigned students and he may have more than just SS to tend to and chase after.

Have fun. Use Dh's credit card.

ETA: send your little one to grandma's or aunt's or heck, take her too.

I have no clue why some people breakup/get divorced yet still expect to pretend they aren't broken up or divorced by carrying on as if the breakup/divorce never happened.

There's more to a relationship than just in the sack. Sharing good times is one of those things. I don't buy this "we're doing this for the kids."

The kids, especially an 8th grader, doesn't need the "I wish my parents were back together again fantasy" flames fanned. They just need to have a good time with one or the other parent after the breakup/divorce.

BM should have some couth by not tagging along, but obviously THAT isn't going to happen.

Wait - I am still stuck on the "decided to tag along."

I chaperoned a lot of school trips in my day, and there was no "tagging along" by anyone, since tickets/reservations/rooms need to be booked in advance.

I think your husband needs to learn some serious boundaries...

This is totally inappropriate. He is not doing for the child. He is doing it for himself so that he doesn't feel left out of this experience. It was your DHs choice to re marry and now his priority is you above all others. I'm sorry but if u are not ok with this he should not go. There are no excuses and there is no saying something like this is for the kid. It's not. The kid will have a blast if he is there or not.

It blows my mind that people divorce and then continue the happy family charade with their ex while dragging a new spouse through the mud. Your DH is a selfish prick. Is he wanted to have a trip with his ex he should have stayed in the marriage. Now he wants his cake and wants to eat it too. Seriously if it were me I would tell him that I will have an apartment lined up for him and all of his belongings will be moved out by the time he comes back. Completely unacceptable.

Just curious why did your DH leave her?

As a SM…nope, no and hell no. I would have issues with this.

As a bio parent, I would be SOOO on the fence on this. I would really WANT to go for my child. But I would not want to hurt my SO.

Sucks.

I have a GREAT idea, You can take your 2 year old. FREE at Disney by the way for tickets.

NO way I would want to miss my 2 year old at Disney with the dad and step son.

Making memories for ALL.

Wouldn't they be surprised?????

Is there a relative, Mom, sister, that can take care of your 2year old?

If so, go down there, put on some sexy lingerie and enjoy the Disney trip. Yes, DH is a chaperone but I am sure he can to your room for a quickie.

To me this is not about whether BM and OP's DH are going to have sex. That's highly unlikely.

But I would absolutely unconditionally be opposed to my DH going on vacation with another woman - especially someone he used to be married to. I love Disney myself and sometimes go multiple times a year - often without my DH. But I have never once thought about inviting a male friend (even a platonic one) to go with me.

Maybe because our kids have always done traveling sports, I just can't understand the issue in this situation. I have traveled to the same destination with my ex-husband (before he got involved with the psycho). My husband has traveled to the same destination with his ex-wife. I have traveled to the same destination as my husband's ex-wife. And we've done it together.

In none of those situations was anyone "playing family". But, the reality is that we are all a part of the lives of the same kids.

In theory I can see where it shouldn't be a big deal. He doesn't like her, she's just going along to help, they aren't staying together. I don't know. It would still rub me the wrong way even if I had to deal with it. My DH hates when I walk away to another group of parents or ballfield when BM is around because she tries to be chatty towards him. If we were in your situation my DH would do anything he could to swing me and my little one coming to Disney or finding a babysitter so I could fly with him as a guest.

How does SS feel about this? At that age my kids would rather have stayed home than have two parents chaperone. One parent - mine would have been upset, but tolerated it. Two parents - going would have been beyond awful.

Others have posted that the chaperones will be sharing rooms with kids. Here that would never happen. Never would an adult share a room with an unrelated child here. Chaperones, in shifts, do hall duty all night.

I had to spend 3 days in close proximity w/exH for one of our sons events. It was not *happy family* time. It was really awkward and I had to plaster on the smile and make like I was enjoying sitting at the same table as him for the award dinner. Had to shake his hand, blech, took pics of him and DS together and did not jump in any pics of all of us together. I felt like such a bipolar b*tch the whole time; hating that I had to be there with him yet grateful that he showed up to support our son. Someone asked me what my husband did for a living, referring to exH and I quickly said, "EX husband!"

When I got back I was so grateful to see DH. He was the best husband in the world because for several days I was reminded of what an @$$ I had previously been married to. So be cool, be loving and supportive so that he is grateful to see you when he comes home.

Laney - I get how you feel, I would feel the exact same way...... If my husband figured out his Ex wife is also going on this trip I would want him to withdraw...... this is how we are...

but men are different, they do not think like this.... DH said he will do it and he keeps his word, he can't stand BM, she might pretend they are a happy family, but he ignores her, I think he will try and avoid her... he sounds like my SO.... avoid confrontation by ignoring and avoiding....

You will have to trust your husband to do right by you, he loves you not BM... this will be a good test for you, try and not to think about it for 3 days, even if he does not answer your text or calls, he might be busy with the kids, it's hard work to be chaperon, simply enjoy your 3 days with you baby and stay calm

I totally get how you feel -- back when my SK played travel sports, BM would insist that DH take SK (and pay for hotel, food, etc) because she couldn't. On a NUMBER of occasions, BM ended up "showing up" in said city, at said hotel thanks to SK texting her where they were staying. One time she even showed up at the room with a bunch of take out food.... which DH took, thanked her, and closed the door.

It's tough to know, or watch, or whatever. But I agree with others that you have to trust your DH. Did these BM antics piss me off? Sure! It was OBVIOUS what she was up to, but I also knew that being mad and "forbidding" DH to spend some of these weekends with his son was not going to get me anywhere.

I agree with others that chaperoning does not leave one to much personal time at all. It's hard to know the BM is going to be the way she's trying to be. But trust in your DH unless he has given you reason to believe otherwise.

I have to disagree with those saying DH shouldn't go. Why should DH miss out on an experience with his Son because BM decided to horn in on the fun. Now I am not saying I wouldn't be concerned as well. Lets face it, anytime our significant others are somewhere overnight with a person they used to be intimate with, it would cause some anxiety. That is normal.

My feeling is that Laney should have decided to go as well. A two year old is fine at Disney and even if they aren't up for an entire day at the park, she would still be able to have a room for her and DH to stay in during the night. Plus, lets face it, it would piss BM Off.

So if Laney isn't going to go, then she really needs to stop focusing on it. If your DH and BM were going to screw around then there is nothing you can do to stop it. They will find a way. So either trust your DH or Go with him.

I think the main point should actually be, if the roles were reversed, what would your DH want you to do?

I'm going to say that this is going to be a strange wound to carry for a length of time in your relationship and I'm going to tell you something that I rarely tell people.

A long time ago, DH had an emotional affair with a coworker who just kept pursuing him and he didn't say no until I found out, which almost resulted in divorce if he hadn't panicked and found a marriage counselor and also went back to seeing his own therapist. Thankfully it wasn't physical (as far as I am aware.)

They don't work in the same department but occasionally they still cross paths in organization meetings--she still attempts to get him any time they see each other, and he looks at her like something on the bottom of his shoe. He dislikes her because he realized her actions and his inaction had jeopardized his marriage, and that originally (because he has this savior complex) she took advantage of him trying to be a good friend and kept pushing the limit. Basically, she had a habit of being the other woman, only going after married men (big red flag) and because she started confiding in him and seemed "genuinely" sorry she does that (and had just broken up with a guy who has a wife and 3 kids--who she is now back with), he wanted to help her break her habit, not realizing he was her next mark. She started by telling him when she was going to go out to a party, and he'd tell her to be confident and herself, then she started texting him her outfits when she went out and he'd tell her she can do it and looks good, and then she started texting him pictures that peeked at her underwear, and while he was flabbergasted at that, he was also flattered, which was when I found out because I saw those texts and pictures. Such a slow progression but by the time he realized something was wrong, it was way too late.

Anyway, long story short, it pisses me off any time he has to be in her vicinity. I trust him because he sees her for what she is and I know he doesn't like her in that way, but it feels disrespectful from her when he comes home and tells me about it (that was part of our deal, that when he has to see/interact with her, he has to tell me) and I know in the subtle undertones of what he relays to me, she is still attempting moves. Passing him written notes which he throws out in front of her without reading.

Sometimes though, he'll wonder what the big deal is because he thinks we're over the thing (because he is) but while we are over it as far as divorcing because of it, the scar is still there. At times like this, I would ask him if our roles were reversed, what would he like me to do to a suitor I once had an emotional affair with if they kept approaching me at work.

Bless my DH, he is fundamentally honest--he said he'd hate that I was working there and would want me to change jobs etc. so he understands how it feels. I get that he can't easily change jobs, so I don't ask that of him, but I do ask that he act how he would like me to act if the circumstances occurred.

So when he gets back, I would talk to him about what happens next time--because I assure you part of the reason you hate it is the possibility of BM doing things like this again because your DH didn't put a stop to it in the beginning, and the probability has just increased that she WILL because she got her "reward" which is to get your DH to herself without you around (despite what other people say about there being kids, the reward IS in her own head.)

So what would your DH want if a guy who you once slept with, uses the child you conceived with him to spend time around you WITHOUT DH and your other child, who will be putting moves on you whether you are accepting or not, and that you cannot stop from going to wherever you originally planned to go?

I know what my DH would ask of me: he'd ask me not to go, or take him with. And out of respect for my spouse, I would agree, because I know how terrible it is to be put through the "what if's" and especially late at night when you only have your mind to keep you company (it is a special brand of torture).

I am sooo flipping surprised that a lot of you are so ok with your DH spending time like this with BM.

While I would also NOT stop my plans from going with my son either as a bio, I know that as a SM, I would be crazy due to MY DH spending family time with BM. Or anyone that he was in love with and slept with for years.

But as I said…I am still so surprised that some of you think she is insecure and stupid for her feelings.

On a somewhat related note, I have had TWO friends get involved (not marry thank God) guys who "hated" and were "grossed out" by their exes, and "only got married because they knocked her up". They were both still sleeping with their exes. Believe ACTIONS , not words, IMHO a happily married man would never go on a trip chaperoning once he found out his ex was going. They would just cancel because it is wildly inappropriate. He WANTS to go with his kid and BM.