DH stirring the ol' pot
We are having a birthday party for SSstb11 this weekend.
He wants an iphone for his gift. We certainly weren't getting him a new one, but DH did get him a refurbished iphone 5 for very cheap and plan to set him up on our plan, with reasonable limits.
DH already tried to discuss this with BM ahead of time. She lost her mind and said SS can just go live with us if he gets a phone, tell AJ not to text my son, etc. Now here is the kicker, SS already has an ipod (from BM) which he uses AS A PHONE. He texts, facetimes, plays games and searches the internet on it. The only difference will be a phone number and better service.
DH said this is about control for BM and her wanting to be the first to give him a phone. Anything that makes DH look good in the eyes of his son, she objects to. This is nothing about protecting her child - he has been navigating the internet at BM's house with absolutely no parental controls for years. Her parenting style can be described as distracted at best and full on negligent at worst.
DH wants SS to have this phone to keep communication with him when he is on his bicycle down at the pier, or when he is with BM. There will be rules, etc. BM was unwilling to entertain the idea or even have a dialogue about it. It was screaming like a maniac and hanging up, then texting paragraphs of jibberish (which DH ignored).
A lot of people might disagree with him going ahead and getting him the phone but honestly - I am glad he did. I am sick of her never bothering to run anything by him and doing whatever the hell she wants. He tries to co-parent (anyone else get irritated by that term? such a buzzword... it grosses me out lol) and she screams and fights and will not even attempt a civil conversation. It serves her right.
I am interested to see how she handles this. Popcorn and wine ready for the show.
Thoughts?
- AJanie's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I have seen a lot of people
I have seen a lot of people on here state that they will not allow the electronics purchased by the other parent in their home. That may be the ultimate issue. If BM doesn't want it in her home it may be tough to force her to allow it.
We are prepared for that and
We are prepared for that and it will just stay with us, probably do a cheaper plan in that case, maybe a prepaid type plan.
I just hope she doesn't break it or damage it. DH said if she does she will simply have to explain the behavior to SS. Use her words like a big girl... something she never does with DH...
I would let SS know that the
I would let SS know that the phone is his responsibility. If the phone becomes broken or non-functional.. it will not be replaced. I would actually just keep it at your place for a while to gauge his ability to take care of it properly.. and to avoid BM drama.
We fought with BM about SD
We fought with BM about SD getting a phone (it was actually BM's new husband that had a problem with it)
Same situation, DH was tired of fighting with BM and just wanting a way to communicate with his kids without dealing with BM.
BM and Stepdad fought DH on the phone issue for about 6 months. Until I saw text on her phone from stepdad. They were telling DH that SD couldn't use the phone at their house. In reality, they were texting and calling her on it (phone we were paying for) but wanted the control of not allowing DH to communicate with his kids.
Now, BM and DH barely communicate. Most fighting has stopped. DH just communicates with SD.
oh jeez that is not good! I
oh jeez that is not good!
I plan to find out exactly what limits we can place and to place 'em all!
I totally understand your DH
I totally understand your DH wanting to keep track of his BS and giving him a phone. And I understand wanting to do it just to see BM lose her mind over it.
However, I really wish my DH had not gotten my SS's phones. The fact is, it is just a huge monthly expense that never ends. The SS's refuse to answer DH when he calls or text, unless they want money. And DH doesn't have the guts to shut their phones off. If we didn't have that huge bill, we could pay off a lot of bills and be free.
Instead, the SS's use it as a way to get what they want.
Both OSS and MSS have each broken Brand new iphone 6's within weeks of getting them ON PURPOSE just to get back at DH for some unknown reason.
THEN DH turned around and replaced them both against my wishes.
DH had gotten them phones long before I was in the picture to look like the cool dad. Now he just looks like a fool being used.
We certainly will not be
We certainly will not be replacing the phone if he breaks it. He can save his money for one or go back to using his ipod. DH is on the hook for the monthly bill, I will never pay for his child's electronics. I figured this day was going to come. I wish they could stay little kids forever... I fear the teen years. They both truly love me right now... it will suck when that changes.
She should be happy that he
She should be happy that he got the phone foe their son and put it on your plan! We struggled with this same stuff for years when SD was younger. One Christmas she got TWO phones!!!!! One from us and one from her mom! He needs a phone and as far as I know, she cannot prevent him from using it!
We got SS then 12 a
We got SS then 12 a smartphone before DH got custody just so SS could call us for rescue from BM's random rage-outs. He agreed immediately with my suggestion he add a password & tell no-one, ever. SS is now 17 and if I could do it over, would definitely gotten him a non-smart flip phone due to texting & playing with phone during class. However, it was a God-send for SS to be able to A) call us for help, and
schedule visits directly with BM whenever he wanted to see her (not much!). This eliminated the need for DH to have any further contact (they only communicated regarding drop-off & pick-up, but of course that lent BM power she could abuse via numerous re-schedules, which she still did but only with SS, who she was inspired to see more & be nicer to once her Custodial Parent powers were de-activated!) and made it essier for SS to determine if he wanted to jump thru her hoops to spend time with BM.
In summary: phone = good, smartphone = might not be what they're ready for.
I would simply go with pay as
I would simply go with pay as you go..... the reason for the phone is for DH to keep tabs on SS... not for SS to have entertainment......
When SS is at home he will be able to use wifi etc, but have parental tracker on it to see what he does on the internet.
When SS is not at home, there should be enough credit for him to call in case of emergencies, or at least send a SOS text. I use to set Deigma's phone to wifi only, thus he could not serve the internet unless he had wifi...
His credit was always in tack