SO go some good news yesterday regarding mediation/court.

He has the first mediation session later this week. Leading up to this court date, it was required for both of them to meet with the court social working both in office and at home visits in both homes with the kids. Documents provided, etc. He got the paperwork from the social worker yesterday stating facts, her opinions, and her recommendations of what she thinks is best for the kids.

In this 15 page document was her talking highly of my SO for being a competent father, able to provide for them, trying to communicate with BM and everything, and saying how BM mental issues would affect her ability to care for the kids full time.

The social workers recommendations are:

SO gets full custody, with BM getting visits

SO has to tell BM about all doctors and appointments, but SO gets final say

BM gets visition, but has to remain in our state during visits (which means she wouldn't be able to take them back to her state).

Now I know that the social workers recommendations aren't the final say, and may not even be considered when it goes to court. But if the social worker can see all this and say the kids are better off living with SO, then hopefully a judge would come to the same conclusions..

We can only hope that BM "stops trying" to get full custody and agreeing to visits to see the kids here in our state, but she has this mindset that everyone else is out to get her. She will probably take it as far as it can go hoping to find that 1 person that will agree with her and allow her full custody.

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This is what happened with

This is what happened with her first son... the father got custody. She "believed" for a long time that he got custody and she wasn't even allowed to see the son at all.. and that she abandoned them when she joined the army.

I say "believed" because also in the social worker's report said that BM recently discovered this year that they had joint custody this whole time and is in the process of trying to see her first son.

BM is full of lies, so don't know what of that is true and what is not. How do you not know what the court granted? did she never read the final paperwork?

Like Medusa did...

^^This is what happened in

^^This is what happened in our house hold. Since SO has been awarded full custody, she can visit whenever for how ever long she wants SS14. Hasn't bothered with him since last July. She only responds to his texts and never reaches out. No CS, etc.

She does seem to be up SS19 butt - go figure

The Judges in my area almost

The Judges in my area almost always agree with the recommendations. I don't want to get your hopes but but I think the Judges figure they have spent a heck of a lot more time with the people than the Judge has.

I get it, there is still a

I get it, there is still a possibility that things will turn out the opposite way. But knowing that the social worker saw through all the BS and agrees with SO is a relief.

I am not sure how it will work. I read somewhere that if it actually goes to court (in some areas) the social worker and their assessments may not be used at all.

That's one thing I hate about

That's one thing I hate about the court system, they can all be different so you never know.

But I am sure it was a relief to see that someone else saw the truth!

good luck. maybe she'll just

good luck. maybe she'll just fade to black... the boys' mom has basically done that. she can get visitation "as mutually agreed upon by all parties" but has never exercised it since they came to live with us (she just lives the next county over; they have seen her on the rare occasion for an hour or two but that's it). she's just an occasional voice on the phone. since in your case she doesnt' even live in the same state, maybe even that phone voice will slowly fade to a whisper.

ETA - since they live in different states, does your dh have a temporary order in place already? what's the background on that? (am asking since judges sometimes like to keep the status quo)

Fall last year she came up,

Fall last year she came up, took the kids out of school, took them back to her state, enrolled them in school there. She did all this without even telling SO that she was taking them.. not even after she took them... He had to get an emergency custody order for her to bring them back which she claimed she didn't have the money for gas, and SO not wanting to involve cops because he cares about the kids agreed to meet her half way, and paid her for her gas for her portion of the trip. But then somehow she found the money to come all the way back up here a few days later, and filed domestic abuse against SO hoping that would get her custody (it didn't work). The order states that he has full legal and medical custody of the kids.

He doesn't even have to allow her to see them at this point, but he does because he does want the kids to have a relationship with her.

He was iffy about allowing her to take the kids to her state for part of this summer, but after receiving the social worker's paperwork stating she doesn't think that BM should be allowed to take them out of state, SO isn't going to allow it.

Since the temporary order

Since the temporary order gives him full legal and physical custody AND the social worker's recommendations basically mirror what is already in place, I would be very surprised if the judge doesn't leave things the way they are and give BM parenting time based on the SW's recommendation.

I wouldn't let her take them out of the state. You already know she's capable of doing that. Why take the chance, especially when he doesn't have to, given that she currently has no parenting time.

I agree. He shouldn't allow

I agree. He shouldn't allow her to. But even if he would have, he wouldn't have agreed to her taking them out of state unless there was a more formal agreement of something like "you can take them from July 19, but they must be returned by aug 23rd" ... and then if she doesn't return them by that time, then he can get them back/call cops to make her return them/even more evidence if/when it goes to court that she can't comply with visitation schedule.

so - who instigated this

so - who instigated this latest court battle? did she??? if she did, then she's a freaking loon. not a d@mn thing is going to change... JMHO.

ETA - i might offer supervised visitation in dh's state - at the most. kidnapping and enrolling them in her state - has she admitted to that in writing? if so, that should still be able to be used as evidence even if no law enforcement was involved. that in and of itself would be grounds for any visitation to be supervised.

Before she took them to her

Before she took them to her state this past fall, there was no court order for anything. She took them, he had to get an emergency custody order, and that is what lead to finally filing for divorce and custody.

Forgot that part.. social worker doesn't think she needs supervised visitation.

ok keep talking... were they

ok keep talking... were they ever married? divorced? how did they end up with no custody order, the kids with him enrolled in school, and her in a-whole-'nother state?

I've made some other blog

I've made some other blog posts and comments that have more details, but basically they have been married, she left him in feb 2013, stayed in the state for a while with regular visits with the kids, then she went and followed a boyfriend around the country for almost 2 years and only came back for holidays and birthdays (which my SO paid her for because she "had no money"). Summer 2015 she had the kids for the summer and took them on vacation, to visit her parents, and then to visit his parents. Brought them back, lived with a different boyfriend in our state, was supposed to see the kids every sunday (and then EOWE), but at the last minute backed out of it and said she couldn't take them or would cut the visits very short, and then Sept 1 2016 moved back to her home state.

Most of the whole time they were separated, she didn't want the kids, kept telling my SO that she wouldn't try to get custody of the kids, that he can have them, etc.

The whole situation between then and arrangements went downhill when she broke up with the boyfriend she was with from july 2015-june 2016. After that is when she changed her tune and wanted full custody,.. probably a combination of her breakup, and knowing that my SO finally moved on and found someone else to be with (me) and the fact that he stopped giving her money whenever she asked for it.

She had been less than

She had been less than pleasant the months prior to taking them, so he probably would have went to court within the next few months anyway (at that time, he was in the process of trying to pass a cert to get a new position in his company because his current position was not going to be available anymore due to loss of contract.. IT work), so he was waiting until he passed and started the new position to avoid more stress at the same time.

But BM had told him that she was in the process of filing for divorce in feb 2016 (but I guess it was just another lie, or she never finished the paperwork). That is one of the reasons why he didn't file earlier that year.. no point in both filing at the same time when in Feb 2016 they had both agreed that he would get primary custody.

Just a warning- My

Just a warning-

My boyfriend's case did not settle at mediation and went to trial. At trial, the judge refused to review evidence or hear testimony. The witnesses were sent out without having testified, drug test results and text message screen shots, child support payment receipts, testimony from a psychologist, you name it, nothing was reviewed. The judge would not hear the case, he simply stated that they both produced 50% of the child, and that's exactly what they were getting. Then he decided that the school system should be in the same county as the court on the basis that he personally liked the schools in that county even though the fathers county had higher rated schools. This made the mother the primary parent because the father did not live in the county. They ended up with 60% to mom and 40% to dad although based on the evidence (Just like in your case) the father should have had full custody with mom getting EOW.
Technically yes, if this were the judges ruling it could have been overturned on an appeal, except the judge stated that the two parents would AGREE to this, or he would make sure that the one who did not agree or the one who decided to be difficult would get nothing. So they agreed. Since they agreed, its not considered a judges ruling and cannot be appealed.

The judges can do whatever they want. Nobody knows what will happen if it goes to trial and that includes your lawyer, family court is a circus. Your best bet is probably to use mediation to convince the BM that she will get almost nothing if it does go to trial, and then offer her just slightly more than that and see if she takes it.

Judges like that shouldn't

Judges like that shouldn't even be judges.. I know it is a possibility, even if it is only a small chance something like that would happen.

If it goes to the same judge that did the emergency custody order, my SO most likely get full custody... she saw though BM's bullshit at that court hearing. Combined with all the evidence and testimony, etc.. there is no way BM would get primary/full custody.

Oh wow, that's one of the

Oh wow, that's one of the worst cases I ever heard of. That Judge should be removed from the bench.

However, a lot of states are going to auto 50/50 (mine included) UNLESS there is evidence of domestic violence or drug abuse.

what about cases where the

what about cases where the parents live in different states? say the person can have 50/50 but it is up to them if they actually come and visit in the state that the kids are in school? Give that parent most of the summer to try to make up for the school year where they can't visit the parent in another state?

the presumption is that the

the presumption is that the default would be for newly filed cases. Obviously, those already on the books would have a different presumptions

I am not a fan of parents who live that far away from each other. When you have a kid, your life is not really about you for the next 18 years.

Don't I know that. I WISH we

Don't I know that. I WISH we could move.

Ya, the courts assume the parents both live in the area. Of course, there are 100s of "what-ifs" that are going to pop up.

I listened to two Judges argue at a conference about it. One Judge (male) believed that 50/50 was too hard on kids in school. The other Judge (female) said she had plenty of families making it work. Then the male Judge said he usually agrees to parents doing the long weekend thing like Thursday - Monday morning and then one overnight. The female Judge said, "THAT is 50/50." LOL. It was pretty entertaining.

If parents stay in close

If parents stay in close proximity to each other, the school thing is not an issue.

AND, parents should stay in close proximity to their kids. Really hard to be an involved parent when you are states away...

This male Judge thought kids

This male Judge thought kids should only have one HOME (house) during the school year. Which, I thought was funny because the skids actually did better when SO was enforcing the 50/50.

I know, I know, it just sucks to stick around for kids who treat you like crap when BM is around. We actually hung out with SS at my best friend's house (her daughter is the same age) for about 3 hours and SS acts completely normal. The next day at his baseball game, he won't even look at us. So frustrating.

given significant travel

given significant travel time, i highly doubt 50/50 is feasible for kids (however, in my case, "another state" is easily 30-60 minutes, which IMHO is not 'significant travel time'). if she really does live a long ways away and shows no intention of moving closer to her kids, then i would think the precedent would already be set.

you also mentioned earlier that when they split, she had "regular visits with" the kids? does that mean they have lived full time with your SO since Feb 2013 (aside from her running off with them this past Sept)? that seems pretty important in my view...

yes, they have lived with him

yes, they have lived with him full time since she left him in feb 2013.. she had them every other weekend for a few months before leaving the state. Whenever she came back to visit the first couple years she would stay with SO and kids in HIS apartment (this was before he met me).

she moved 400 miles away, a couple states away.. 8-10 hour travel time depending on traffic.

In my neck of the woods, it

In my neck of the woods, it sounds pretty sound that he's going to get full custody and she will get EOW with her providing travel because she moved away.

And then I bet you rarely see or hear from her.

if that's the case then i

if that's the case then i venture to say the judge will agree with the SW's recommendation. she will either then fizzle out into white-noise, or (since you have not mentioned any new boyfriend since) might move back to your state and maybe actually have EOWE. either one i'd view as a positive outcome.

i'm glad she filed, your SO is long overdue for a written custody order. then his next move should be to file for divorce.

After SO had to get emergency

After SO had to get emergency custody order, everything else followed directly afterwards.. final custody and divorce all wrapped up into one: it has taken this long to get to first mediation session.

In my case, the mother has

In my case, the mother has the school year, the father has 3 weekends a month spring break and the entire summer. The dropoff point is halfway between the two houses. I believe the mother has 58% of the overnights or something like that. That kind of arrangement would work up to probably 3 or maybe even 4 hours drive apart.

Mine is an auto 50/50 state.

Mine is an auto 50/50 state. I believe that is why the judge did what he did. However, there was already a temp order for supervised visitation only due to false DV claims the mother had made, so I found it odd that he didn't even want to hear about that.

Back when I had to go to

Back when I had to go to court with DS's BD we had a GAL for DS. The judge ordered exactly what the GAL's suggestions were. She wouldn't let us sway from it. I hated it. It sounds like what they've said in your DH's would be ideal.

They ordered that BD be able to have 3 specific phone calls every week in mine. It was a major intrusion and a pain in the rear. I was forced to attempt (he never once lasted the whole time) to make DS talk for 30 solid minutes 3 days a week to someone he barely knew. (by BD's choice) On top of him seeing him every Tuesday evening and EOWE. To top it off the calls were all scheduled for dinner time. BD would forget to call and when he'd realize it he'd call and text me threatening to take me to court for contempt because I should have made DS call him instead.

A few months later the GAL apologized to me for the way she wrote her report. She said she had given him the benefit of the doubt and she was wrong to had done so. She actually called him a monster. DS will forever be scarred by the events that unfolded those few months we were forced to follow that order.