Bm trying to keep sd
Last time I posted bm refused to let sd do her summer visitation in June. She insisted on doing it in July so sd would miss marching band here and put her in marching band there, which is exactly what bm did and now sd doesn't want to come back. Sd originally refused to go and bm showed up here and made her go which is what dh is going to have to do to get her back. Bm enrolled sd in school there and dh is in the process of un enrolling her since he has custody. He has been in contact with our principal and marching band here and they won't allow sd in the marching band since she missed camp where they learn the music and steps. Sd is going to be so upset but she is going to have to understand this was her moms doing. She is due back Tuesday and dh is flying out to get her since he knows bm won't put her on the plane. Dh is bringing all of his custody paperwork and we have a lawyer lined up in case bm tries to keep her. Please say a prayer for us that sd comes back with dh.
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Sd wanted to stay and not
Sd wanted to stay and not even go see her mom. If her mom didn't pull this crap sd would still want to live here. Either way dh is her dad and has the same rights to raise her as her mom and he won custody. Sd will have to develop other interest if her mom pulls this same crap next year. This is on her mom not dh.
He got custody and that is
He got custody and that is all that matters.
As someone whose DH is
As someone whose DH is raising his daughter, I agree that fathers are just as valuable. And in a situation where two households are both healthy environments, then a father has just as much right. But, this girl has been in the ER and has had all kinds of health problems that have resulted from living with her dad. So it doesn't just come down to the fact that he is her dad. There are other factors at play here.
She had issues and we don't
She had issues and we don't even know if they were dog related, we suspect they were but we don't know for sure. She has been healthy since then.
This situation is not an easy
This situation is not an easy one. I understand he does not want to lose his daughter. If she is not a bad mother and takes care of her daughter you may not have much of a case here. The CO will probably just be rewritten and if the daughter says she wants to stay with mom the mom will get her.
By forcing anything you will push this girl away and anger the BM even further. Yes BM played games and she won it is that simple. I know the you DH is going to miss out seeing his daughter grow up now and miss so many things. That happens when the bio parents split. I would suggest setting up that she comes for time in the summer and holidays and school breaks as much as possible.
Take it from a girl who had divorced parents and they at times got in a pissing match. Granite my bio-dad is bat shit crazy. Still it made it hard on me and my brother. Just try to really evaluate the big picture and look at all the outcomes. Who is the one that will suffer the most and who is the one stuck in the middle? If it all comes down to just what your DH wants and his feelings than you both are not doing what is in the best interest of the child.
Try to take time and really look at all this.
Bm won't have time to rewrite
Bm won't have time to rewrite the custody order. Dh will be picking her up Tuesday from Marching band practice and bringing her home. Bm can then try to fight it but since dh has custody school will have already started and sd won't be on the marching band in bms school district anymore. Sd has friends here she has known forever and will want to be near. Dh has also set up private drum lessons for sd with the tutor she has always wanted so that will help some.
yeah I have bad grammar a lot
yeah I have bad grammar a lot on here. I thought it looked funny. LOL I had no sleep last night got woken up at 12:30 with some really really bad cramps. 4 pills and heating pad and hour and half later was finally able to sleep a little. Till at 4:15 on cat woke me up and I got up at 5:15.
We do not know everything detail about the OP but what she puts on here sounds like games. I wish sometimes people just realized how hard it is on kids to have parents that live so far from one another. No matter what the kid will feel like they are upsetting one parent or the other.
Also hard on parents who have to watch their children grow up via pictures and video chat and phone calls, and can not physically be there. Sometimes as adults we need to make those sacrifices especially to not make a child feel pulled like a tug of war.
Oh I totally agree I am not
Oh I totally agree I am not siding with the BM or the BD in this situation. I am simply stating that she could have the CO redone and if daughter has a voice in this and she chooses BM, BD needs to except that.
BM also should have excepted it from the get go and put her daughter first as well.
I guess at this point one parent will have to be the bigger person. It looks like it may end up being the BD because you already see what the BM is capable of.
BM sounds crazy for sure. I feel for all involved in this situation just the tug of war needs to stop IMHO.
Can SD at least practice with
Can SD at least practice with the marching band? I can understand that she missed the camp and she's not up to speed on stuff to perform with them, but maybe she could still at least go to practices...I would hope the leaders of the marching band would try to be flexible given the situation and her past participation in the band.
Also, sounds like the custody agreement needs to be amended ASAP so as to specifically not allow BM to take her visitation during the required camp time so this doesn't happen again next year.
She didn't screw it up. She
She didn't screw it up. She has a month with the kid and picked July. She didn't violate anything. Now if she doesn't return the kid, it's an issue. Same kind of issue as DH refused to send SD to BM so she had to come get her. Both DH and BM are a royal pain in the a$$
It might be the only month
It might be the only month working for her schedule. We don't know
They most likely wont and
They most likely wont and can't. Marching routines are created MONTHS in advance and practice for the students starts at least a month before school. You don't do practice you aren't in band it's that simple. I went though this myself and it was part of the reason I quit.
Marching isn't just about one person. Everyone works together as a team. If you miss a months worth of practice you can't just jump right in.
^ This. Missing a few days is
^ This. Missing a few days is usually ok. Missing the whole thing is not. The routines are also used in competition so if you don't attend the camp you can't be in the competition. My kids start band camp at the end of the month. It's 3 hours a day for two weeks so missing the whole thing is alot of time!
Your DH is doing the right
Your DH is doing the right thing. BM is manipulating that poor girl.
My DH would be doing the same thing. No way he would let BM keep his kid because of marching band.
He is still her father and
He is still her father and has the same rights to raise his daughter as bm does. She made the decision to marry a military man and she made the decision to move with him.
I would never leave my son
I would never leave my son behind. I would do whatever I needed to finish raising him first and that is why I support dh in this. We had settling pains but overall things go very smooth around our home.
libbie - what did I tell you
libbie - what did I tell you - the whole SD has to come and stay with you and DH blablablabla was all just for you to get rid of Bear..... and to make life difficult for you and BS.
Now you changed the house, you got rid of bear... and guess what.. BM and SD won with her fake allergies and her refusing to take pills for it, so nothing now to make your life difficult... SD runs back to BM....
I would simply tell DH - fine if SD wants to be with BM, sign her over and let her go, SD's argument was school with DH because of her band, why suddenly is a school with BM just as good.... but DH must make it very clear to SD and BM... if custody changes now, it will never change back, SD can visit but never move back....
Then you can maybe get Bear back or another 4footed friend for BS... (as soon as BM and SD finds this out, she will want to come back)
We didn't get rid of Bear.
We didn't get rid of Bear. She takes the allergy shots and is fine now.
oh.... I've missed something,
oh.... I've missed something, last time I read Bear was with In-laws and they could not accommodate him any longer,,
but glad Bear is still around....
sorry I simply do not like your SD lol, cause I do not like mine and the whole situation screamed - lets piss off Libbie - to me..
Why can't kids be in marching
Why can't kids be in marching band without attending camp? We do not even have any camp and our marching band is very fine one. It's not metropolitan opera it's freaking high school band.
SD wanted to live with dad because of stupid band, not serious enough reason. She didn't choose dad because of how much better parent he is. She just wanted to be in A band.
It's been a disaster since dad started this fight. Fighting to keep SD then fighting to keep a dog that made her sick. Now fighting to get her back. Sounds so dramatic
Because camp is actually
Because camp is actually practice.
Football games start pretty much at the start of the school year and so marching also starts then.
Camp is where the students learn all of the new music and more importantly the marching retinue.
By missing camp the daughter was unable to learn the necessary material and will be unable to preform there for be apart of band which she loves. It's not just a random band. It is a high school band class.
Yes band is a big deal for a teenager. Any extracurricular activities are. They are considered important for development as a human being if just fostering new interest. If good enough it could mean money for school.
Our band is huge and
Our band is huge and dominates most of the competition. It's a big deal and because so many kids fight for spots they won't hold a space for anyone.
Missing summer band practice
Missing summer band practice is a big deal! They learn the music and all the steps. If they don't know the steps they can't march at the games or perform in competitions. Those are required for their grades and a major part of being in the band.
Agree. While mom and dad
Agree. While mom and dad argue with each other, kid isn't being patented and taught any kind of values. Dad is proud SD chose him because then she can be in a band. Terrible. Now BM plays her games too. Then constant drama with a dog. Not good.
I totally agree with Mustang.
I totally agree with Mustang. As a mother I would not have moved away from my child. I would have lived separately from my spouse before I did any of this.
True. BM has other children.
True. BM has other children. By this logic DH should divorce Libby's and move himself to the area where SD was moving.
Well people saying she should
Well people saying she should have stated behind with SD while her DH was transferred. That's crazy. What was she supposed to do with other kids?
It's lousy for the bm but she
It's lousy for the bm but she put herself in that position. I'd never move away from my kids and that means i would never marry someone that would put me in that position.
Do you just make things up in
Do you just make things up in your head?
Uh, excuse you. Just because
Uh, excuse you. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it isn't real.
Usually when men are
Usually when men are constantly argue with their exes (not always necessarily prompted by ex), it typically means they aren't fully over. Neither I nor ex had any desire to fight. This man might be still not fully over his ex.
I'm not liking that SD being
I'm not liking that SD being 'bought' by the parent who gets her in band.
Obviously, band is very important the teen. She should be able to participate whether she is with her father or with her mother. Is she a freshman this fall? Sophomore? I'm curious as to long SF is scheduled to be at this new just moved to within the last year station?
Is he set to remain there through SD's high school years? Of course, keeping in mind military goes where military tells them to go and when, not always optional. But with that said , was SF given a 1, 2, 3, or 4 year station expectation? I'd hate to see the teen move there just because Mom managed to manipulate the band thing, then have SF transfer again in 18mos.
I think the teen needs to be in the home that will be most consistent through her senior year. Not only because of her band desires, but so too because she needs to be focusing on preparing in her HS years with college preparation. I'm not sure hopping schools and especially across country, is truly in a teen's best interest.
With SD's allergens hopefully now under control (have all her allergens now finally been identified?) , IMO the next step needs to be trying to assure the SD's HS years will be consistent. The school she is attending, or will attend, is a good school district that will arm this teen towards college and that she will also have the opportunity to establish true friends and a stable home environment that supports her (and not just financially).
Right now, it sounds like the teen can be 'sold' to the parent that can get her in band. However I don't feel band should be the sole factor in deciding where the teen should reside.
Teens are obnoxious critters under the best of situations, how is a teen who is angry (parents playing tug-a-war over her, who providers band is the parental winner) she will become rebellious and resentful toward one or both parents.
I don't feel the 'prize' should be the kid if this or that parent can provide band. I think both parents need to discuss a long term set plan for this girl. Which parent is more stable, can provide the road to higher education and isn't tied up in worrying about finances for a bunch of other things (whether that be small siblings with their own needs or having to scape together dollars to keep the kid in a clean bubble).
It's not so much 'which parent has the right to raise the child' as it is which parent can provide consistency, stability, financial security, her passion for band and gear the teen towards a functional performing young lady who goes on to thrive in adulthood. With the other parent mentally and financially supporting the parent who has the teen and the teen herself. The girl is fourteen. Just four more years to legal adult. She's not a six year old to fight over. Both parents need to remember that and keep it in mind when deciding what is truly best interest of the child rather than which parent gets the 'prize' or which parent loves her more or who should have more rights.