You are here

Bets

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 9:59am

I guess even when attempting disengagement you still hear things.

SD was obviously aware that I was "missing" the weekend before last (DH told her I was on a "trip") and she could feel the tension when I returned. She also has been known to press her ear to our door when we are having adult conversation.

In typical SD fashion, she ran to BM and the boyfriend and filled them in about the rocky state of our relationship.

Yesterday SD announces "Mom and [boyfriend] bet me $10 you would still be here when I came today. I told them you were probably moving out." I told her "Your mom isn't my friend, please do not tell her my personal business."
Probably a very immature way for me to handle it but I.don't.care.

I ALMOST said "tell mommy AJ bet you $25 that in 10 years she would still be a towny waitress."

Almost.

Comments

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:23am

TwoOfus - I just can't care anymore. It is like a flip switched. One person can really only take so much.

I went with DH/skids for dinner on the beach last night. He has really been kissing my ass.

I let him handle packing for the beach. Of course, it is freezing and neither skid has a sweatshirt packed. It just makes me laugh. We dug from the trunk an old tattered blanket the dogs sit on to keep them warm. This is the bullshit that ensues when AJ stops doing everything!

He also did the grocery shopping yesterday. Plenty of delicious lunch meat and no bread. :?

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:28am

If only that were the case! His grocery shopping included the lunch meats, flaming hot cheetos and various processed snacks loaded with sugar.

I get he is trying and I kept most commentary to myself, but seriously... is it rocket science?

agitated's picture

Submitted by agitated on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:34am

LOL, YES, rocket science it is. My DH wouldn't know where to begin when making our weekly grocery list. We follow the clean-eating plan, and are only "allowed" certain amounts of protein, carbs, etc. throughout the day. He would literally lose his mind. However, I believe he would remember the bread!

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:39am

I do most of the grocery shopping... but what bugs me is when we are out of something... as in he has used the LAST roll of toilet paper/paper towels. The last dishwasher tab.. and doesn't tell me!

So, I go to grab a roll and it's and empty bag!

That drives me nuts. I don't mind doing the shopping, but need to know if we are out before I go, not the next day!

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:43am

If I left they would be wiping their asses with leaves. He has been so spoiled by me staying on top of everything... and has no idea the extent of it.

TwoOfUs's picture

Submitted by TwoOfUs on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 11:08am

Yep.

This is where I am, too. He literally has no idea everything I do to keep this ship afloat - and that's before we even start talking finances.

Veritas's picture

Submitted by Veritas on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 11:12am

"If I left they would be wiping their asses with leaves"....made me laugh so hard I cried....I am so going to use this Smile

agitated's picture

Submitted by agitated on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:56am

LOL. Mine isn't that bad. The kids are, but DH is a tad better. Except when it comes to doggie poop bags, all of them are terrible about replacing it or telling me we are out. I hate walking the dog only to find out too late that I don't have anything to pick up the mess with. I am then THAT neighbor. I do go back out and try to find it after I get home and get a bag though.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:19am

Time to start making up wild stories for SD's benefit. Have a bit of fun. State loudly that you have been chosen for a recent Mars expedition; that you won the lottery; that you received notification your Pulitzer Prize is being sent any day now.

secret's picture

Submitted by secret on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:23am

ooooh, that's a good one.

Things to talk about:

- one of you transitioning to the other sex.
- you coming into a massive inheritance
- you winning tickets to disney
- you enjoyed your "trip" so much you'll be taking that kind of trip more often
- you're getting a new pet
- discussing adoption

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:25am

ooooh... I like the massive inheritance story. BM would start hiring a legal team to figure out how to get her hands on it.

secret's picture

Submitted by secret on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:55am

then you can always start talking about how you're going to use it... state loud and clear you plan to leave a large chunk to the skids, but NOT if they continue acting like total turkeys to you....but that you NEVER want them to know about it, because you don't want the FAKE nice, you want the REAL nice.... lol

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:58am

Or I could come right out and tell SD I will buy her a pony with my inheritance. A pretty pony that she can call her own. And have ALL of her school friends come see it. Because I am just the coolest stepmom ever.

freebird's picture

Submitted by freebird on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 12:07pm

This is awesome!

I feel for OP- I would not like it if my personal business were told by SD to BM. This is inexcusable behavior.

I wish your DH would have your back and tell SD she crossed the line.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:22am

Ugh, I would be livid. I HATED it when skids would run back and tell BMs things that happened in our house. However, I'll admit I was a bit of a hypocrite, because I DID enjoy it when skids would come to our house and tell us dumb stuff that BMs did. Blum 3

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:26am

I HATE IT. I told DH is makes me not want to even look at SD anymore. I know it isn't her fault, but the sight of her turned my stomach for the first hour or so.

Since I backed off, she has been so lovey. She wanted to snuggle on my lap, etc. It is hard for me because we were always close, but as she gets older I am seeing devious BM shine through in SD's actions and the time to start backing away is NOW.

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:52am

Agree with your course of (in)action! Good job. Agree sooner is better based only on my own experience. SS17 loves me, and I love him, but BM training shines thru ALLLLL the time, and I too hit the "done" stage. Not gonna cater to it, enable it, or hear any more lies and arguements.

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:56am

I don't see how anyone can continue caring for the long haul. It sucked the life out of me for enough years. I took an entire week off last summer to spend with the skids when they were with us for extended summer visitation. This summer, NO WAY. Working all week. DH gets a little sad, I think. He was trying to talk about fun things we could do and I just told him I am working with no intention of using vacation time.

Bottom line they just aren't my kids. It doesn't fill the maternal void and it never will. I don't need to play pretend anymore. My sanity has to come first. I was starting to look weathered from it, seriously. My vanity wouldn't let me carry on in that way anymore.

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 3:01pm

Exactly! I too was letting it "suck the life out" of me and gained 40lbs this past year+ from the incredible stress of being a SM to a jacked-up teenager who keeps lying, using drugs, flaking out on commitments & responsibilities... OMG. I'm doing better now at detaching & do not see going backwards expending the kind of energy I was spending on this situ. I still have to lose another 15lbs to get back to where I was, but already feeling so much better taking care of ME better. SS gonna take a lot of classes at the School of Hard Knocks (= life as an adult) that he could have skipped had he listened to me all these years. But no, he's gonna keep on being him and I'm moving on, focused on other things in life and looking forward to SS launching after he graduates this year.

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 3:23pm

Awesome news that he graduates soon!

I was starting to see a tiredness in my face that just wasn't the norm. Not just regular aging, a deep exhaustion type of look. It honestly freaked me out.

Then when I left the madness for a few days I realized how toxic it was to make DH and skids my entire world, leaving nothing left for myself. I would dwell over something every day, trying to be the glue holding it all together.

As you know, it just works so much better when you stop letting them dictate your emotions and stress levels. It feels weird to me to stay home and "let" them go off without me, or to ignore certain responsibilities I would take on for the skids benefit, but feeling uneasy beats feeling resentful every second of the day.

PS: Nice work on the weight loss! Getting back in control of your health feels damn good.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 10:58am

as she gets older I am seeing devious BM shine through in SD's actions and the time to start backing away is NOW.

I agree with you, there. When SD26 was young, DH and I used to have discussions about SD turning out like BM. I told him, "No, there's no way, she's too much like you." He insisted that he was right. And he was. She's enough like BM that DH doesn't trust his own daughter.

And yes, when SD was 15 and it came out exactly what she thought about me and that she believed what her mother had been telling her all of those years, it was a real blow to me and it hurt. I shut her out, emotionally, right then and there, and have never gone back.

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 11:06am

Hereiam, exactly what I expect to happen... the teen years, the truth coming out that she feels a certain way about me because of BM.

If by some miracle she doesn't turn out like BM and continues to love me, then I will be pleasantly surprised, but I fully expect she will. Her stuck up attitude is just so BM already -always mean to her cousins and friends, she lies and exaggerates, she's needy, she isn't particularly bright. BM clone.

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 11:08am

Worst part is SS is starting to look more like her, too. DH loves to boast about how "his boy" is his "twin" but the child's chin could have its own zip code, much like his mother's.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 11:12am

That's funny, your H doesn't see it?

My SD looks just like her dad (lucky for her).

I'm okay with how things are between my SD and me, I'm just sorry for DH, he doesn't deserve it. He was a good dad and they were really close at one time. BM took care of that.

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 11:15am

If you ask him, his son is his twin and he has no idea who his daughter looks like. He can't handle admitting they look like BM.

To be completely honest, BM is a butter face. Great hair, cute figure, nice clothes. Scary face.

I think he gets insulted a little when people say either skid resembles her. Which has always been odd to me since he decided to have kids with her. Life's little mysteries!

TwelveLongYrs79's picture

Submitted by TwelveLongYrs79 on Wed, 08/09/2017 - 11:30am

"Scary face"....LOL.

Thank goodness SD17 looks mostly like her father. If I had to look at BM's shifty eyes and buck teeth constantly...
Unfortunately, SD has Skankula's high-pitched, irritatingly shrill baby voice on occasion...especially when she's talking to BS2.