Did you know that children grow?
Because apparently BM is clueless to this fact.
We have a pretty regular retinue of whatever the kids come to us in on Friday get's washed and they wear it back on Sunday.
For a long time I was EXTREMELY strict about this and in most ways I still am. Except frinkin underwear.
She can send the kids wearing pants and shirts that I either know for a fact were bought last summer or look brand new but are still way to tight for a 7 year old to be wearing. Girl can't even move I swear but I'm done with this tiny underwear crap.
Somehow BM found out that I had the nerve to throw away a pair of ancient toddler underwear that I swear the child has had for a year (I've been washing them) and had a poop stain the size of Texas. For a while I would carefully set everything aside including socks and underwear and SO would make sure that the kids changed into it before leaving.
Well now the 4 year old is starting to question why he has to change twice in a day. It's enough of a hassle to get him to just do it let alone make sure he puts on the tiny underwear and I'm just done with it. We just buy the cheapest pairs in bulk now and I'm just tossing any that are too small. It's like what a dollar every other weekend if that?
Well BM decided that's just so horrible. She actually took the time to take and send SO a picture of the boy in underwear she claims are the size I'm throwing away. Could be but let's also add they are clearly a different cut, possibly a different brand, and could be stretched out if they are as old as all the other pairs I've washed for him. Really you're going to complain that we're returning the kid in better fitting UNDERWEAR. Seriously WTF is wrong with you woman.
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How dare you buy the children
How dare you buy the children underwear. You have got some nerve!
I get it though, had a psycho BM over here, too. Thankfully, she's no longer our problem, since SD is grown (she is SD's problem, now!).
Return undersized underoos in
Return undersized underoos in a ziploc bag. Let her keep them. She will inevitably return child in said briefs next time.. but you are gonna buy the new bulk ones anyway.. so just give her back her tiny tidy whities.
I agree with this. Don't even
I agree with this. Don't even wash them. Just send them home with him.
This is one thing I'm not
This is one thing I'm not even gonna fight with. I do understand we're basicly setting the future but I want to make sure there is no way the kid will have to wear them again. It's just not fair to him at all.
I never understood the need
I never understood the need to fight over a single piece of clothing. In my case, BM will text demanding the return of a certain shirt or sweatshirt, not acknowledging all the shirts and sweatshirts from our house that have ended up at her house. We've never sent the kids home naked, so if they left one shirt from your house here, that means they have another shirt that was originally from our house. Not only do we pay child support, which is supposed to cover clothing, but then we buy all of our own clothing here. She then wants us to send everything we have to her house. She even specifically told DH to send "those nice colored shirts" that the kids were wearing in their Santa picture - oh, you mean the ones I bought for your kids so they would have something nice to wear for the picture and for Christmas?
BM refuses to send anything with the children because she says "it never comes back if I send it", but I've seen so many jackets and sweatshirts go to her house and never return. Even in the dead of winter the kids will show up in t shirts and shorts. She told DH that it wasn't her job to get them winter coats. That's fine, but the winter coats are staying at our house, so I don't have to buy more the next time they want to go out and play in the snow.
She even kept insisting we had pillows at our house that belonged to her, but the kids never bring anything with them other than the clothes on their backs, so I know full well that they didn't bring any pillows. The pillows are probably lost in her pig sty of a house.
Of course, when the roles are reversed she acts as if DH is being petty. My favorite was when DH said he wanted her to send back some fancy sweatshirts he had gotten for the kids a year ago. BM replied "those don't even fit them any more!" Well, one kid was just wearing that sweatshirt in his school picture...it sure looked like it fit.
Our BMs are twins on the
Our BMs are twins on the double standard of transferring clothing between homes. She threatens to ground SD if she doesn't bring a certain item home but NEVER returns the clothes we purchased. I used to buy SD junk while I was out shopping but it all ends up with BM so no more buying unnecessary crap for me!
Last year BM actually went
Last year BM actually went through the lawyers to demand we return a coat SO had already informed her we didn't have.
If you want to be really
If you want to be really moody... Start saving receipts... Then should she ever try something dumb you can pull that out as proof... Not gonna lie... I've started saving tons of receipts as of late... also, if she's leaving them in clothes non season appropriate, you can photograph that so you have proof. But I've gone into moody, the ex needs to stop her crap, mode as of late... Something about being financially ruined and having the kids in emotional turmoil because of her makes me pissy.
Literally all the clothes BM
Literally all the clothes BM has for my Skids are 1-3 sizes too small. Not to mention the shoes I've been replacing since she ditched them this last time. Some BM are just clueless idiots. Smallest either Skid wears is 5T. She sent the one in 7 child's back in panties size 2T. So I get what you're saying.
I'll also add that I swear
I'll also add that I swear sometimes BM sends the kids in clothes that are the wrong size because she wants to force DH to buy clothes for the kids.
Last year she was bugging DH to buy shoes for the kids. When he ignored her request, she sent the kids in flip flops that were 3 sizes too big, even though she knew the kids were going somewhere that would require shoes.
BM here does that too. I'll
BM here does that too. I'll never get past when she sent skids in runners to our house during a snowstorm. DH had no choice but to buy boots because he couldn't take them to school like that.
Oh boy. I'm so happy those
Oh boy. I'm so happy those days of BM...
- sending a 4 year old over in 2T undies
- sending skid in ridiculously too small and/or ratty clothes
- insisting on certain clothing/shoes to be returned, but not return items when kindly asked
- demanding DH go out and buy new school uniform garments the night before needed
- etc, etc...
are OVER.
It eventually got to the point where all the properly fitting, nice, new garments made their way to BM's house, and skid would conveniently have the ill-fitting, stained uniforms on the days he picked her up after school. It was all a selfish, petty, power trip on BM's part - because she KNEW that DH would go out that night and easily by a week's worth of uniforms, socks, cardigans and shoes.
The lawyer basically said there was nothing DH could do. That there was no way to enforce BM to play fair and share.
At that point, we made the extra effort to wash her too small clothes and send her back, or back to school with them clean and bagged in her backpack. It used to visibly irk BM. It was hilarious.
Agree to all of the above but
Agree to all of the above but why have them change twice on Sunday? Have the clothes washed and ready on Saturday to avoid a fight with the 4yo.
I do. Sunday is our lazy day
I do. Sunday is our lazy day so the girl will still be in PJs till right before BM comes and gets her. The boy will change out of his on his own.
I'm normally at work on Sunday so I leave it up to SO. I make sure the clothes are washed and set them by the counter with the rest of the kids school stuff.
When my stepkids were young,
When my stepkids were young, BM refused to send clothes with them. We lived in the same town and only had them every other weekend. We told her we would not be buying additional clothes so she needed to send them with their clothing. We even had the judge tell her that she had to pack a bag... She absolutely refused. I finally had enough of that and made my husband drop them off at her job because they didn't have anything to wear. She didn't do that again.
BM use to pack a bag but it's
BM use to pack a bag but it's contents were a joke. A few months in on tax free weekend I bought two cheap outfits to stay at my partners place. BM throw a fit demanding they come with the kids to her place.
Um no? First off I bought them which means they are mine and you aren't getting them. 2 now they dont have to carry an overnight bag 5o school or us stop by BM's to pick up clothes. 3 if they get stained and whatever who cares since they are weekend outfits.
She went as far as lying to her mother. We were at a party with the kids and SO had to run them back to their grandmothers. He was gone much longer then I thought. Turns out he got the 20 questions game over the clothing AND a trip we had taken the kids on because "they were just so upset. SO said he was taking them X place and didn't." SO explained the clothes and showed pictures of the place we went instead because of pour weather.
BM's own family sees the crap she's pulling.
"BM use to pack a bag but
"BM use to pack a bag but it's contents were a joke. A few months in on tax free weekend I bought two cheap outfits to stay at my partners place. BM threw a fit demanding they come with the kids to her place."
BM and GBM used to do this too. The skids were only toddlers then. They'd send a diaper bag full of crap. You'd be lucky if there was even a diaper in it. There was always dirty clothes, crushed up crackers, ect. It only took 2 times and I told DH to make them keep it when he picked them up.
The first Christmas we were together they demanded we let the skids take everything they had gotten from us and our families back to GBM's house. We didn't let them take a thing. BM and GBM were always bad about selling the skids stuff on Facebook and yard sales. We never let them have anything we bought.
The weekend after DH was granted sole custody BM and GBM sold everything they had of the skids at a yard sale. They wouldn't let them have anything. All the kids had from their life with BM were the clothes on their backs and a backpack from when CPS brought them to us. BM wouldn't even give us their coats. Luckily they has fully stocked rooms at our house. The CPS worker said after touring both residences you'd have thought we were already the custodial house and BM was a weekend parent.
When my stepkids were young,
When my stepkids were young, BM refused to send clothes with them. We lived in the same town and only had them every other weekend. We told her we would not be buying additional clothes so she needed to send them with their clothing. We even had the judge tell her that she had to pack a bag... She absolutely refused. I finally had enough of that and made my husband drop them off at her job because they didn't have anything to wear. She didn't do that again.
What state are you in? I
What state are you in? I wonder if BM in my case realizes that she might get in trouble with a judge for sending DH texts threatening that if he doesn't buy school clothes, she'll come after him for more CS, especially once DH also told a judge that we've purchased all the clothes that the kids wear at our house.
He also has texts from her saying she won't send anything with the kids because "it never comes back to my house", which is totally untrue.
That last exchange was in response to DH asking the kids to come with a book to read when they are with us because they are both below grade level in reading and need the practice. She refused to send any books and ironically, the books that DH sent with them to her house disappeared (when I asked SS to bring those books with him, so he could read he said "sorry, we don't have those anymore"). That's fine, I'll just have your kids read one or two chapters every two weeks...I'm sure that will inspire them to read more, which they both desperately need to do. I've taken them to the library, but won't send books home with them, because I'm not going to pay the library when they don't come back.
Florida
Florida
So is there something
So is there something 'special' about the undies with a texas size poop stain (that's disgusting, by the way)? A favorite cartoon kiddie character?
I know you've blogged on the clothing being too small before, but that BM does that only on Friday (the Friday, of course, Dad gets the kids from school). But the poop stained undies? That's just sad. Can you imagine sending a little kid to pre-school with undies not only too small but nasty looking? Other than perhaps the pair of undies is the kid's absolute undies because Scooby or Paw Pals is on them and kid refuses to pitch the nasty things and BM finds it just easier not to fight with the child (MOTY right there :sick: ), it's totally beyond me as to why.
I get it's a BM trick in many households to try and get Dad to buy more or do the old not enough CS thing, but where is the BM's shame to let a kid run around with texas size poop stains...that says more about a lazy *ss BM than a lack of money.
I also don't 'get' the twice a day changing thing. Why would that bother the kid. One figures the kid gets dressed in morning and again puts on pjs at bedtime. So what's the big deal? Unless BM doesn't have them bath and switch into pjs either.
My nephew is currently on a Paw Pals, Batman and Minions kick. The little stinker will change his undies three times a day or more just because he can't decide which character he wants to wear.
Nope they weren't anything
Nope they weren't anything special. We even asked him this past week if he liked the superhero at all and he said no. We've never heard him speak out it or try to watch any tv / movies with them so yeah no clue what it's about.
I mean if it's a trick to get us to buy new underwear then she won but to actually send a picture saying the ones I tossed still fit him?
I explained above about the changing twice. It's the kids doing.
I have given up on any fights
I have given up on any fights regarding clothes.
BM gets nearly $1,000 in CS each month. DH buys them clothes whenever he is informed they need them. This includes buying new school clothes every year.
I swear, the boys are CONSTANTLY wearing ratty, dirty-looking clothes. BM doesn't check what they pack, and if we don't send the clothes back (clothes we bought, mind you), she wants to know when we'll be dropping them off even if they're ratty and gross.
We had a funeral to go to recently and had to take YSS shopping for something to wear. DH said his school uniform (just a polo and slacks) would suffice. The pants he brought were either too short or super faded or permanently stained. The clothes were barely passable for school, much less for a funeral!
Again, though, it's just a fight not worth having. If the kids want to wear it and BM wants it back, so be it. Just means I'm not inclined to ever buy either SS a nice, expensive piece of clothing.
We were going through the
We were going through the same thing. Kids coming over in old clothes, we would buy clothes just for the kids to take home and we would never see again cycle would continue.
Lucky for us in the divorce papers we made sure that each would be responsible for one half of school related supplies and expenses. I just make a copy of the receipt when we go shopping and she is responsible for half. Now we in a way force her hand to help pay for clothes and shoes.
So our twist on this is that
So our twist on this is that my SD is an adult.
DH takes her out shopping for Xmas, her Bday, when she got her new job. I don't mind at all, she's a lovely person and is always grateful to her Dad for buying her things. He's the one who goes overboard. She'll try on a bunch of different outfits and he'll say let's buy them all. She reins him in and only gets one outfit. He takes her pretty expensive exclusive stores too.
What upsets me is that BM takes her clothes! She doesn't fit into the skirts or pants but she'll take the shirts and sweaters. BM pops up on my FB through SD, SS and other common friends. In pictures she'll be wearing something I know DH bought for SD.
I said to SD, your mom got the same sweater as you. SD gets all sheepish and embarrassed and says no its mine.
"BM can't afford anything new and she just loved that sweater so she's using it, I'm getting it back next week when she comes back to town."
Oh bullcrap, BM has always taken things given to SD and SS. She thinks it's her right as a mother.