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Old wedding rings

Silent14's picture

So DH has BM's wedding ring from when they were married. The marriage lasted about 3 months (they were very young) and have been divorced around 15 years now. SD15 was a baby and doesn't have any memories of them together.

DH is talking about having the ring melted down and made into something special for SD15's next birthday. It will cost between $250-$1000 to have this done. He has mentioned asking his family if they want to go in on the cost. He thinks she needs something extra special for her 16th birthday. Besides the fact that she loses all her jewelry, I just think it's a terrible idea.

I should also mention that I *may* be a tad bit jealous. Yes, my wedding ring is 1000x nicer, but dh has never spent that much money on jewelry for my bday or xmas... I had to actually marry him to get the nice ring. Now besides that little tidbit of honesty, I still think a wedding ring from a failed marriage that basically didn't happen, doesn't make a special gift. I don't see how it would have any value to SD15.

Help me with a little clarity on this. The expense of doing this for her bday isn't going to break us. I just see it as a huge waste of money.

Comments

Indigo's picture

Idonowidont.com Reputable online marketplace for rehoming jewelry. Perhaps DH can sell the ring and use the proceeds to get something for SD which is personalized to who SHE is becoming at 16.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

My opinion on this may be biased. My sister and I each have a ring from our parents marriage. They are divorced, but we both kept one of the rings. Its one of my most prized possessions, mostly because my son is extremely close to my dad and I plan to pass it down to him. I don't know if your DH really needs to melt it down but I think giving it to SD might be special to her. I think it depends on her personality. With that being said, I find it odd that a dad would spend so much on a piece of jewelry for his kid. She shouldn't be getting more expensive pieces than you.

On a side note, her parents were married such a short period of time that she may not find the ring sentimental. My parents were married over 25 years.

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

"That's a lovely idea, DH. However, given that she tends to lose jewelry, maybe you should make this a 21st bday gift? If she lost somethingnso special, she'd be devastated and there is no replacing it. By the way, I saw this lovely (cheap) necklace in the Sunday paper that I bet she'd love, too."

ESMOD's picture

I don't have a problem with him doing this in theory.. with the exception of asking others to chip in. Look, buy her what you can afford... if it's only the $250 version then that's what it is.

I might remind him about her carelessness with jewelry and perhaps he has a safe where he can keep it for her. Of course, that's not a super "fun" present for a newly minted 16 yo.. a piece of jewelry sitting in dad's safe..lol.

strugglingSM's picture

My DH used his father's wedding ring for his first marriage to BM. When we first got engaged, he floated the idea of using the same ring and I said "hell no!" He still has that ring and has talked about giving it to his kids or having the engraving from his wedding to BM removed and fixing the engraving from his parents' wedding (which is practically worn away). He's talked about giving it to his kids...I told him that was sort of a dumb idea because why would they want a souvenir from their parents' failed marriage. Also, DH's kids never knew his father and despite the fact that he talks about his father all the time, they seem to have little interest in learning more about him.

All that is to say that I totally agree, using the ring from a failed marriage as a gift for someone else seems like a really bad idea. I can sort of understand why DH in my case kept his old ring, but if I were him, I'd probably want to destroy it because I would want to pretend I never married BM.

DaizyDuke's picture

If DH was making a piece of jewelry for himself, I'd say no, why would he want something from his failed marriage, but this ring belonged to SD's mom.. even if it was for only a short period of time. I think it's a nice thing for your DH to do for a special 16th birthday. It really wouldn't bother me at all (well other than him spending ridiculous amounts of money to do it)

Silent14's picture

I'm sure she does, but she's not on track for getting her license at 16. She hasn't taken drivers ed. Without it, she can't even get her permit until she's 16.

hereiam's picture

If she's irresponsible with jewelry, he needs to wait until she's older. He also doesn't need to spend $1000.00, I'm sure something could be done for a more reasonable price.

Or, he could just give her the ring as is, and let her decide if she wants to do something different with it one day. But, I still wouldn't give it to her until she's older and more responsible.

Silent14's picture

ok, so maybe DH isn't completely on the wrong track with this gift idea. Would it be more sentimental if he just puts the actual ring on a nice necklace? Or is the melting it down into something different a better idea?

advice.only2's picture

I don't think the ring is a bad idea, but it would probably be much more appreciated when SD is older and can value the price of the gift. Like when she is in her mid to late 20's or early 30's.

I had my wedding rings from my ex made into a nice eternity band for my mom when we divorced. DH's ex sold their rings after the divorce.

DaizyDuke's picture

True. I remember my mom gave me a beautiful opal ring that belonged to her for my 16th birthday. I loved it and I wore it all the time, but lost it at school when I took it off for gym when we had to swim. I was really upset about it. Wish she would have waited until I was older.

MoominMama's picture

BM's wedding ring or the ring BM gave him? either way, I agree with you, it's a terrible idea and he should just take it to the pawn brokers/scrap jewellry vendor.

Men should never be allowed to get 'ideas'

Indigo's picture

This will have relevance to a 16 year old, how? What does it mean to DH? How is it appropriate to gift to SD? Will BM and DH be joint gifting it, because it represents their past love?

BM has not died. This will likely not be the only reminder available to her that her mom & dad cared to create her. I'm certain that BM likely has some jewelry that she may choose to give to SD. The grandparents may have some family heirlooms that they may like to gift.

This appears to be merely the jetsam and flotsam of an interval in the lives of SD's parents. Perhaps, this is merely a lazy-ass way for DH to clear out some emotionally charged clutter. Can't think of anything to meaningfully commemorate a b-day? Go through the re-gifting closet. (Sorry, a bit snarky on the end there.)

strugglingSM's picture

Why doesn't he save both to see if SD wants to use them for her wedding...maybe present them to SD's future fiance at the right time.

Also, why didn't BM keep them? Seems like it might be weird coming from her dad, she might wonder if her dad thinks the rings are so special, why didn't he want to stay married to her mom.

classyNJ's picture

My mother took all the diamonds and gold from all the rings that my father gave her and had a filigree ring made. I have always loved it but she did not give it to me until my 27th birthday. Why that one? No idea, but I cherish it.

She told me she would have never given to me when I asked for it (18th birthday) because I would not have taken care of it.

On a side note- my mother claims my father was the love of her life. Me? I'm just happy the drunk mean person did leave when I was 4 and only had contact with me a few times and every year on his birthday when he called me to remind me. LOL

notarelative's picture

Has he actually taken the ring to a jeweler and had it looked at? $1,000 seems high (to me at least). I had my parent's rings made into a pendant and it was not anywhere near $1,000.

Jewelers are all not the same. He might get a different idea (and price) from a different jeweler.

Silent14's picture

He did stop by the jewelers today. That is where he came up with the price range. I don't think he would spend $1000, but even $400 is a lot for something that will be lost within 2 months.

I asked DH tonight if he thought the ring would have sentimental value to sd15 and he said that she has never cared about anything enough to be sentimental. So I don't know what he is thinking he will accomplish with this type of gift.

BethAnne's picture

Maybe he could just ask sd about it. Tell her that he has been keeping the ring for her but isn’t sure how she wants it. He can suggest that he can either keep it safe till she is older, put it in a chain or have it resizes for her to wear, get it made into a new piece of jewelry or sell it to buy her something she would like.

Talking to her about it will help make sure she gets what she wants.

Acratopotes's picture

Oh hel NO.....

Why not suggest to DH - it's such a nice ring he should safe it for SD the day she gets married, much more value and sentiment to that IMHO...

but 16, no.... not gold, something silver maybe?