My laundry room is in the basement and this morning there was no free basket down there so I carried my daughters' clothes up in my arms. Every few steps, a tiny sock would drop and as I reached to pick it up I would drop a few more. Somehow, it seemed to me to be a lot like my experience with step life and, though I haven't been very active here in recent years, I felt the cathartic need to vent.

I was a member for years but recently changed my account name, I will recap without details. My DH has a son, turning 18 this summer. For a few years of our marriage, he lived with us 24/7/365 while BM took a court mandated vacation to a maximum security resort (lol). The things DH's son did to my family during that time cost us our rental home (he destroyed the property in his fits of 'not getting his way' rage) and lies he told nearly cost both DH and I our jobs (which would have cost us the home we were in the process of buying) and most upsetting, could have cost us our 2 DDs. Thank the step gods, DH let him run back to BM as soon as the iron bars clanged shut behind her and she walked out into the parole supervised sunset. The toll those years took on my mental and physical health were horrible. My marriage was hanging on by a thread. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (I like to call it Post Traumatic Skid Disorder) and after 2 years of therapy, I feel like I am on the road to recovery. Yay, right?

Kind of. Like, good for me. I have less frequent nightmares and panic attacks. My DH and I are working to repair the damage our relationship suffered (we both did/said some terrible things) and our DDs are getting back a lot of the old mom that was lost. Here's the rub... its DH's son. I made it clear to DH that I am nowhere near the vacinity of forgiving or forgetting. The demon will still call looking for money or lying to get praise, maybe once every few months but he has never, ever made any mention of what he did or having any remorse for it. I can't even bring myself to contemplate forgiveness for someone who won't even acknowledge the harm they caused. But every single damn time that demon rears his head, DH has to drag me into it. I am getting pretty good at ignore-mode but days like today I think about how this is one of those rare scenarios where you can be traumatized and abused by someone and you have to listen to someone sing their undeserved praises and be constantly reminded of their existance. 'Demon spawn called me today, he is applying to XYZ university, I am soooooooo proud of him' (spawn has never in the eight years I have known him enjoyed a summer school free July and August and is a solid D-F student)... 'Demon spawn got a rrrreeeeaaalll job... I am sooooo proud of him' (since when is PT counter help at a fast food restaurant a rrreeeaaalll job?). The latest is 'Demon spawn is joining the military... I am sooooo proud of him. You, me and DDs should go to his swearing in, his sisters should be there to support him'. Made my stomach turn. That loser subjected DH and my daughters to so much in their early years. They are his HALF siblings on a good day for me when I can accept that connection. Yes, they are DHs daughters too... but they are DH and MINE, not DH and psychobiob!tch's. On top of that (and I do have the utmost respect for our military) I don't think he is joining for the right reasons, he can't get into college and he hasn't the motivation to work. He was boasting about all the benefits he will receive from the service and I think he has no idea that there is work involved. 'I just go sign and I get free college and health care and look at so and so family member who gets housing... I hope they send me somewhere nice to live". Its like everytime I have a good day, DH is right there, sugar coating the person who caused more harm in my life than any other. I know DH loves his son. Good for him. I just feel like screaming in his face somedays, "leave me out of it, I don't want to hear 2 words about him!" But you can see it in DH's face, everytime he talks about his demon son it rains rainbow rose petals and unicorns trot around him in synchrony while being ridden by beautiful glittery fairies. Makes me sick.