No one is going to Belive this!
It's hard to believe , even for me. But I have been sending submissions for a LOOONG time, and it finally happened! The email was first, asking for more details, then the call from a producer at....the dr phil show!!! Seriously! He wanted contact info on OSD42!!!! my dh, her dh, so I gave it to him. My dh spoke with him, OSD's spoke with him, he left a message on OSD42 cell. She has refused to return the call. I had tried to get in touch with her dh the day I got the call, he was speaking to them when I tried the second time, he ask why I didn't give him a headsup, I told him I had as soon as I got my call, he realized I had. But he told me DW "felt blindsided" (ah, poor baby!) I didn't say it out loud. And he told me he didn't know if she would call them back.
I spoke with the producer again, he said they may not be able to go forward if she won't cooperate, of course she won't because she knows she'll be told to mind her own efffing business with a public flogging!
One final possibility, a slim chance, that they decide to have me and dh and disclose that they "reached out to her and invited her to tell her side but wouldn't return" their calls. Then there would still be reinforcement that dh should retain his set and strengthen his backbone on his declaration that he will be standing up to her from here on out. SIL texted me earlier saying his dw had called daaaddee, we had been gone most of the day (dh doesn't have a cell) so I checked caller ID when we got home and there was nothing from her landline or cell and no unknown calls so.......?
I do fear her holier than tho ,selfish attitude might have shut my party down!! I trust dh, but think he needs outside reinforcement for confidence since he and the rest of his family has allowed this behavior for so long. But it will be one more thing to add to the bitch column.
There are too many things I want to do and too many people I want to see to "disengage" . I refuse to stay away just because she is around and since dh has told me to feel free to call her out when she over steps, well, I kind of look forward to that since I've been holding back for SOOOO LOOONNNGG! I realize once I do,her siblings,SO's and God only knows who else may ban me forever,then I'll stop caring, disengage and it won't bother me at all. Once I get it all off my chest (probably by blowing a gasket)Then I'll feel like I'm done, but I can't do that will it's eating at me. I want dh to see the show, sure in all probability he'll forgive and forget at some point but at least he'll get an education!
I do believe dh is sincere in his intention to stand his ground, the truth is, I'm afraid the more time that passes before we encounter her, the more likely he'll forget. That's not an excuse for him, I'm dead serious!
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So you are thinking of going
So you are thinking of going on a tv show?
OSD won't co-operate and go on the show too?
So you think this will cause them to disengage from you?
You think DH will forgive and forget that you caused this rift?
This isn't disengagement- this is world war!
I am struggling to see how this will bring you peace.
Ummm...I might be an ahole
Ummm...I might be an ahole but I do not like exposing private things(there is something to be said for anonymity)
I am with your SD on this(she has the right to her privacy).
So at this point all you have left is beating her with experience.
I wish you luck and hope to never be in the position you chose to put your family in.
^^^^^This^^^^^ I completely
^^^^^This^^^^^ I completely agree!!!!
Look at it as a Blessing in
Look at it as a Blessing in disguise. I remember when I used to watch Cheaters years ago. They did a follow up episode, people also pass judgement on the spouses that have been cheated on.
I know at the end of the day it's your choice, but understand you will suffer public flogging too.
Look deep before you leap.
Public humiliation won’t get
Public humiliation won’t get you the SD Epiphany you’re hoping for. She’ll just hate you for embarrassing her and spreading your business to the world. Your DH won’t come around. He’ll see his daughter being tore to shreds publically and hate you for it. Terrible idea.
Dr. Phil speaks of situations
Dr. Phil speaks of situations as not a "SD/BD-problem, a 'Sophie-problem', but a family-dynamic problem?" The character "Sophie" may be the squeaky wheel garnering attention, but is actually simply a visual symbol of the family dysfunction?
Perhaps the catalyst of a Dr. Phil visit will cause the entire family --- OP, DH, biokids/stepkids, a variety of Ex's --- to develop a more healthy outcome? Tossing it out there ...
This sounds like it can only
This sounds like it can only end badly for everyone involved. I would not go on this show for any amount of money.
Well first of all, there is
Well first of all, there is no money involved.
DH is not thrilled with his precious Poopsie parenting him, and he says next time he will call her on it,but but the next time, he'll forgive and forget her actions. He just needs some outside backup.
My preference would be that OSD see the light and stop insisting on controlling everyone in thing when she's around.
I refuse to avoid people and activities that I enjoy just to avoid her efforts to intrude on our rights. There are people who can't grasp a concept unless you take it down to their level!
Maybe she doesn't realize she has no right to tell DH what he can or can't do? Or that she's wrong to think we should do what she wants when she wants? Maybe I'll be told it shouldn't bother me when she gets DH to change plans with me to accommodate her wishes?
If that's the case,I will be the one to apologize,and she should be very happy that I will fall into the expected line!
And if shit hits the fan,weather she cooperates or not, I'll get it all out of my system. She has had her say for so long without any fallout,I will have my say, and I can recall everything anyone has said in disagreement with her and not to her. She has disrupted our life so many times, I will feel no guilt disrupting her on one occasion. Everyone has overlooked her bad behavior, they can overlook one good vent from me! Then and only then, I could be done.
And if you are going to read and respond ,please read it all. One thing from here is starting to get through though " Why do you care what they think?"
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I don't think you are doing
I don't think you are doing this for money. In Fairyland we do not have Dr Phil so I can't comment on this particular show, although we do have shows that encourage people to air their 'dirty linen' in public. I don't watch these shows, mainly because the people on them are being used to provide some kind of prurient entertainment for the public. They are not about helping people at all.
OSD will not see the light-she lives her own kind of chaos and always will, you cannot change that. The only thing you can do is walk away.
'I refuse to avoid people and activities that I enjoy just to avoid her efforts to intrude on our rights. There are people who can't grasp a concept unless you take it down to their level!' Going to her level puts you on that level- she is dragging you down there but you can't see it. Don't you see how much she will love seeing you on tv?
The only person who can stop DH from accommodating to her wishes is DH- and she knows something you don't seem to know in this respect.
Even if you do get it out of your system you will have played straight into her hands and your behaviour is really unlikely to be 'overlooked' by anyone.
'Why do you care what they think?' The posters here don't care about your DH or your OSD- they are trying to prevent you from making a huge mistake- but, only you can decide to either stop or go ahead with this thing.
Ugghhhh! My internet keeps
Ugghhhh! My internet keeps cutting and deleting everything!
So I'll make this the cliff notes:
OSD42 HAS Directly disrupted MY Life
DH is on board, but know he won't be able to get to words out with her
If my position is wrong, I'll own it.
She always says and does whats she wants without regard for others, Why shouldn't I? (rhetorical)
DH is good about listening to qualified others about different ways of doing things.
God willing, she will finally hear that there are boundaries she has no right to cross
Most people know they don't get what they want when they want, sometimes,they take a little longer to learn, does that mean they should be taught at all? Of course not!
I choose to try every option available and get help where I can, it's not like she was asked on Jerry Springer!
I am holding my trump card, shouldn't need it, but will use as LAST resort.
Me calling her out is no worse than each and everything she has pulled. Couldn't possibly come close to the chaos!
You're giving her complete
You're giving her complete power and control over you. She has invaded your thoughts and is making you stoop down to her level. You are being eaten alive by resentment and hate.
Going on Dr Phil is not a magic cure for anyone. Just like having a baby won't fix a failing relationship. You're viewing going on the Dr Phil show as the baby that will somehow fix this or make people see the error of their ways or vindicate yourself.
It won't. Just like having a baby in a failing relationship, this will only highlight what is broken and make things worse.
Seek therapy. Learn to let go. Learn to not give someone who is worth so little have so much power over yourself. Make time for you, do what makes you happy, focus on your marriage. Love your DH as your spouse and stop trying to control everyone and everything around you.
This show is not a cure or a fix. It is a disaster that will further tear your family apart. If you don't want your SD doing it, you shouldn't be doing it either. You're so blinded by hate and anger that you're not seeing it.
This is madness. Stop. Breathe. Step away from it all and find a way to get yourself back before it's too late.
I know remembering all the
I know remembering all the details of everyone's post. And I had thought that DH was supposed to support me in our day to day life, I must have been wrong, there is no reason to openly back me up,even if he disagreed with me, hmmm.
I know that DH has been guilty parenting, perhaps, in some cases, disengagement might be preferred action but the reason for guilty parenting should be considered.
In the case of DH, he is the one who told me about it . it started with UK trying to make up for their bm being gone, that is defiantly not an excuse in any way.
But combining divorce guilt, with trying to make up for the lose of their big brother, that he also blamed himself for, he is on guilt overload (The oil well fires Irag ) So I need to make sure his guilt is addressed relating to his fear of enforcing boundaries.
People can overcome feeling of guilt, he has already made some progress and it's very possible that some nudging will get him over the steepest part of that hill. It was his idea to find a way to get out of having Thanksgiving with the skids.Once he knows he should have never felt guilty in the first place, it will be MUCH better. And if it isn't then it will be all on him.
And having some outside backup, informing her that the boundaries she has been crossing, will no longer be tolerated and there's nothing unreasonable about them,and that no child has the right to parent their own parent.
I am not ready to say it's hopeless, nor am I ready to put the blame totally on DH. I could be totally wrong and it bite me on the Ass! Once someone fully disengaged, there's no coming back, or it's meaningless. No,not until I feel we have no more options and there nothing left. And I'm not worried about DH rejecting me. He is at a point where logically he know, and he's willing! He just doesn't know how to get it done without a lobotomy. He has to retake his role ,but he doesn't remember how.
I think she's gotten the
I think she's gotten the point.... which is that you really hate her and want everyone to know just how much of a brat she is by embarassing the crap outta her on air.
If that's NOT the point you're trying to make... so sorry lady, but based on the responses, I think you're sending that message out anyway. That's what I'm getting from it... that's what many seem to be getting from it... and I'm SURE that's what the brat is getting out of it.
There's no coming back from this one, it might already BE too late.
There is no way I am trying
There is no way I am trying to control everyone and everything. Unless establishing boundaries is another form of control, then I'm guilty. Just because we are going about establishing boundaries in a different way, doesn't make it wrong.
Here's a kicker, we are and have been in counseling! She knows I've been contacted by the show AND she approves!
I know the Dr Phil show is
I know the Dr Phil show is not the answer and cure all but I'm jealous. I have day dreams of getting BM on that show. I don't even need to be on the stage - just want to see how Phil will deal with that lunatic.
Don't know if its wrong or right in your situation but please let us know if it goes forward and good luck! I can't imagine dealing with all that drama once my SK's get older but I haven't thought that far into the future. I suppose it will happen with the oldest because she's a ton of problems and issues now at almost 18. My SO is getting better but he also parents out of guilt so.................
Tiger7 Thank You for your
Tiger7 Thank You for your Support!
As I said dh is making progress, but he's having trouble putting thoughts into words. I don't to get into that, I know whats coming with his age and the condition his father is in, All that aside, I have seen dr phil get through to some unbelieveably stubborn, closed minded people. If it works, Everyone Benefits, if it doesn't, I really have lost nothing, especially with dh on board. Maybe someone will get the idea of her temperment from this, who has ,or knows someone who has had to deal with the unemployment office????? I have never heard of anyone saying their experiance was positive, OSD42 used to train those people! What does that tell you? Almost like used car salesman!!! If I could do this without it being aired ,I would in a heart beat! That's why I have a video camera, so I never have to be on it.
I feel like a broken record, but if there is ANY chance the situation instead of just ignoring it.
**************I AM NOT JUDGING ANYONE WHO HAS DISENGAGED, THEY HAVE DONE WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM********
I can not NOT care! Being only as interested and polite I would be to a stranger. I stop for broke down cars, even if I'm alone or at night. I manage a private vacation home, I contacted the owner telling them I had met a family displaced by the Helena fire, they stayed there for 6 wks. No Charge.
If he tells me I'm wrong, then I'm wrong and that will be the last word. Either way, I believe he at least gives people direction. I have read a couple of his books, and Robins first book (which I LOVED). I wish I could have talked this over with FIL(retired shrink), couldn't get him alone before (lives 800 mi away) now the Dementia is bad now.
Had some unrelated issues last night, not much sleep, REALLY need to be rested and clear headed tommorow, ^^^****^^^*** Wish I could put in flowers and butterflies!!!