I don't know how to leave...
I was in complete denial thinking that my DH would finally man up and get professional help like he said he would...especially after he beat my 14 year old BD 
Its been a month since the incident and nothing. I've sought out help but he's not doing anything. I've asked him to leave and he said no that I could leave an go back to my mothers house. I know its his way of controlling me because he knows how hard it is to find an apartment with 4 kids.
I feel so broken...and he's just playing mind games with me like everything is fine he's trying and I'm the crazy wife who's being a bitch. He says that I'm pushing him and antagonizing him and nagging him.
I feel so stupid to think that it would work this time...
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I didnt call the cops...after
I didnt call the cops...after it happened my daughter left and went to her dad's and my husband said he was sorry and he would get help...I believed him...weeks later nothing.
I took my daughter to family court to file a family offense. They issued her an order of protection but they didn't order him to leave the house I guess because I didnt do it right away and because she's not staying here so he's no longer a threat to her...I honestly don't get the system and how it works.
RUN! and Keep RUNNING! Run as
RUN! and Keep RUNNING!
Run as far as you can!!
If he knows his limits with you, he will always try and push it! He will beat your daughter again because he KNOWS you will be quite and accept it.
Go to your mums, itll be the best present you give your children.
I was at my moms from April
I was at my moms from April then cane back home in September to "work it out" October this happened
My mom has a one bedroom and my pregnant sister with her 2 kids live there. I felt like I was imposing one of the reasons I went back home
What are your obstacles to
What are your obstacles to leaving? Also, what is your living arrangement now? Do you rent your place together? Who signed the lease? Most problems can be worked around. Talk to your mom, talk to a domestic violence center. You can work this out.
We rent...DH name is on the
We rent...DH name is on the lease I went to the Family Justice Center in my city and they said I can't make him leave. For my safety I can go to my moms house or a shelter or if another incident happens to press charges and follow through with them
When I first came on here I
When I first came on here I wanted to know if my family can be saved...now I just need to save myself and my children
Talk to your mom and your
Talk to your mom and your sister. Between you, you can come up with a plan. Perhaps you all squeeze in with your mom for a month or two or you and your sister find a place together or, if your mom cannot accomodate you, you go to a shelter until you can find something.
If you have any worry that your husband will be violent if you leave, do not tell him in advance.
Go to a shelter. In a
Go to a shelter. In a meanwhile you, your mom and sister can discuss that between all of you you can rent a house or a condo and help each other out. It’s doable
I will talk to my mom. The
I will talk to my mom. The back and forth is so confusing for the kids...I'm losing my mind
I'm thinking about just
I'm thinking about just relocating to anither state for a fresh start but there's so much to consider...
I do have some money saved but I still need...
A job
A place to live
Kids school
One step at a time. Get out
One step at a time. Get out of the house. You can relocate later if that makes sense.
We met with the Pastor that
We met with the Pastor that one time and never again. I called him repeatedly left messages nothing. See him in church and he says call him to set something up...I feel like he himself doesn't even care. I contacted a counselor for myself they said they will get back to me.
If I really want to relocate the best option is for me to go back to my mother's house so I can save.
I'm in NY and it is becoming so unaffordable. A 2 bd apt is $1600 & up...I don't make enough money to live comfortably here.
I need to take a deep breath
I live in Brooklyn. Go to a
I live in Brooklyn.
Go to a shelter. Since you are dealing with an abuse case, they will put you at the top of the housing list. Women and children in abuse situations can be placed in Tier 2 or tier 3 domestic violence housing quickly(regular apartment buildings that are actually shelters with security guards).
These women are placed at the top of the list for the various housing vouchers(Section 8,LINC,SEPS...)
They will also cover 100% of your childcare expenses if you work and/or attend school.
Wow. Im in Brooklyn also so
Wow. Im in Brooklyn also so you know firsthand how expensive rent is.
I'm on the housing waiting list but in order to get priority I have to provide evidence of Domestic Violence. I never pressed charges on the past.
The Family Justice Center described shelter as a last resort for emergencies only. The fact that I waited so long is definitely going against me. They don't see any immediate danger because
1. My daughter has the Order of Protection not me
2. She's no longer living in the house
3. I never filed charges in the past
We have a court date set for Jan.
I grew up and still live in
I grew up and still live in Bed-Stuy. I teach in East New York. Over the years, I have had countless students in shelters.(This year have 3 that are in shelters)
Will a letter from your pastor work as evidence of abuse?
Take the police reports from your daughter's case to intake and see what happens.
In my state domestic violence
In my state domestic violence qualifies you for immediate emergency housing. Try looking into that. Violence escalates and you need to protect yourself and your children. It may feel impossible but once you make the decision, stick with it. It will work out and even if you don't feel strong enough to do it for yourself, then do it for your children. But work on yourself too until you realize you desrve better too. Because you do!
Do you mind if I ask what
Do you mind if I ask what state that is? I applied for housing since last december but the waiting list take years. If I had pressed charges all the times before I would have proof and get bumped up but I never pressed charges
I need a fresh start
It might be hard to move
It might be hard to move butit sounds like ypud be a lot better off.
You only have three kids
You only have three kids living with you. A two bedroom will work. Your ex has the 14 year old and he will keep her. You can out two kids in one bedroom and one kid in with you in the other. Or one of the kids can do a sofa or even a pull out couch. It's temporary.
Are you looking for comfortable or are you looking for a new start and safety? Priorities. One day at a time. Focus on basics. Comfortable living and perhaps relocation will come eventually. Immediate needs have to take front and center.
You will get CS for the three joint bios with your current DH. You have a job and some money saved. That's already far ahead of some women when the need to flee strikes.
Use all your contacts to help look for a place. Your church congregation may have acknowledge of a place. A six month lease may even be possible. Yu don't know until you look and ask and search. So you best get started. If you can work with your sister or mother or both women, great. If not, you're on your own. You're not helpless and you can do this. You just have to find your courage and strength. Your initial postings were full of your faith. Use your faith to guide and carry you and put some faith into your own abilities.
Don't be so quick to want to relocate to a different state. Remember your oldest daughter is with your ex and may not be able to go... also, the jerk you're currently married to may be able to keep the three joint kids in your current state. Focus. One day at ta time. Getting out, finding peace and safety. Priorities.
You may be able to get a free or sliding scale legal help. You're in an abusive situation. Call your shelter to see about what resources they can offer besides shelter. They usually have contacts to send you to for other types of help.
If the current Dh is making life miserable for you and doing lots of screaming/fighting and/or threatening call the police and tell them you are afraid. Call CPS and tell them you and your children are in an abusive situation and you are afraid of him. Either one may be able to remove the jerk long enough for you to get out and go elsewhere. If all else fails, you stayed at your mother's from April to September, you can do it again.
I don't mind a 2 bedroom at
I don't mind a 2 bedroom at all. I am looking and looking but on my income I can't afford most of the rent.
My BD will be with me once I'm out of the toxic/abusive situation.
The thing is my husband is not stupid. He knows that I want him to leave so he's on his best behavior acting like nothing is wrong and we are this happy couple...making me breakfast in bed and sending it in with the children...so that when the shit hits the fan it will look like he was the one trying and I wasn't...so for the moment people will think well yes he's trying he wants his marriage to work he's praying hes not abusing you now...
My mom is coming back from out of town tomorrow I think I need to have a serious talk with her and my sister about going back there
Breathe. Make a short-term
Breathe. Make a short-term plan & leave. You don't have to have a complete plan or perfect answer. Go with 'good enough for now.' Get yourself & your kids out quietly & safely.
How close are you to NYC?
How close are you to NYC? Are you willing to step put if your comfort zone in order to gain access to all of the resources that are available in NYC for domestic and victims?
I am
I am
Just a small note. My SIL was
Just a small note. My SIL was abused by one of her mom's many boyfriends... She felt betrayed and doesn't have contact with her mom now... Her mom allowed the abuse, and then stayed with the man causing them to be removed from the home. She picked HIM over THEM. And to this day it still hurts her... Especially since they again got back together about a week ago... Don't let your daughter feel the same as that... She deserves better, and frankly so do you.
Do what you need to get out of there. It's hard, but definitely the best for you in the long run. Good luck!
I don't know how it took me
I don't know how it took me this long to realize that they were empty promise to change