Brother in hospital for the next month and thank you everyone

Just got a phone call from my little brother, he's going to miss Christmas he's getting a PICC line:
PICC stands for “peripherally inserted central catheter.” It is a long tube inserted into the arm and used for intravenous antibiotic therapy.. The tubing that goes into the patients arm is threaded into a very large vein, which connects it to the right side of the heart. By delivering medication so close to the heart, it gets pumped through the body more efficiently and will have to remain in the hospital for at least a month :O
He's going to be going to our dad's side this Christmas, the hospital says depending on how things go he can be released for 4 hours just for Christmas then he has to go back. Since my parents are divorced I'm placed in the middle, something I thought would stop after my 20's but I guess not...a HUGE part of me wants to go celebrate with my dad and brother. My mom and aunt are also terminal and having Christmas at a rented building (courtesy of 'rich aunt') with mom's side of the family. I missed seeing my aunt for Thanksgiving (see other blogs for details, I'm tired of re-posting) and she is convinced this is going to be her last year of holidays before she passes. DH has ss this Christmas Eve but only until 9p.m. and I honestly don't care...maybe I should let him do whatever on his side and try to drive to both cities myself to see both of MY family...I need to not focus on DH money issues, keep paying the stupid "everything" for the house so we don't get our power shut off and freeze to death...I have to disengage. If I have any hope of saving what is left of my sanity to be there for my brother I have to almost pretend DH and his problems don't exist. I'd like to think in a "normal" marriage we would be able to work together as a family unit and be there for one another...for some reason I'm thinking this isn't going to happen and I need to mentally prepare to be there for myself. I was excited to be a step-mom, but it seems like unless I am the "perfect version" of a SM it will never be good enough and I can't beat myself up for it.
Thank you, ALL of you, for listening to me rant. Sorry a lot of my posts are all over the place. Like I posted in "I hate Christmas" blog, December just doesn't seem to ever be my month.

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So sorry to hear. He must

So sorry to hear. He must have an awful infection. Why are they keeping him?

I had a PICC line in for two months but I was home. I administered by own IV and a nurse came in once a week to get blood samples and to clean and change the bandages.

The last two weeks I was able to come back to work but still had to sit in my office once a day until the meds were done.

Prayers to him. That thing was horrible for me.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

I'm very sorry to hear that. My baby had a PICC line in the hospital at around 10 days old and it was the worst. But I know it was much better than the alternative constant poking and prodding they'd have to do, from what I was told. Is he doing okay? As mentioned above, he must have an infection of some sort. My heart goes out to you.

And that's the funny thing about being a stepmom, unless you're the "perfect version" it never seems to be enough. Because poor COD need the best of the best, right?

I think the COD needs a

I think the COD needs a f***ing miracle worker most of the time... Makes up for the slacking either one or both of the parents want to do... (I'm also grumpy today though, lol)

Hang in there! You're not the only one that's not the "perfect version" in fact I don't think any of us are. We're all here if you need us and I hope your brother makes a nice recovery!

Compartmentalize. Simplify

Compartmentalize. Simplify and prioritize. Your have sick family. DH has SS and has been particularly difficult lately- loading on more stress that can be dealt with at a later time. If your heart is calling you to your family then go be there for them. Whatever comes after that you'll deal with when the time comes. Focus on you and what YOU want. Be present in whatever you decide to do. Don't let the "what ifs" of the future drag you down and take you out of the moment you are in. Deal with the here and now-here and now. Give yourself permission and get it done.

This is how I have overcome some pretty impossible situations in my life and it hasn't failed me yet.

The best to your family

The best to your family during this hard time. Keep us posted on your brother's progress please.

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