Need Advice
I've been reading alot of everyone situations and mine I have to say it not nearly as bad as some of yours. But some things that happen are still hurtful. Is it wrong that it upsets me that my boyfriends ex wife comes in the house when she picks up the kids or that she gave him a chair (of her grandmothers) because their son broke his. She lives with someone and we pretty much live together. The chair was just sitting in her garage. I don't know I hate the chair. I kinda feel like she doesn't need to be coming the house when i'm at work. But the kids are always there when she comes in so that just may be something I'll have to live with. She is only there to pick up and drop off. I have no kids so I really don't know were to draw the line on these situations. Anyone have some advice? She has never been mean to me or cause any problems between me and the kids. I look at other situations like Demi Moore and Bruce Willis. and think maybe I just need to grow up.. I don't know. Help.
My advice for what it is
My advice for what it is worth...let it go. If the situation is neutral and your BF has moved on and so has she...and she treats you with respect that is all that you can ask for. Maybe once you are there full time you can set up a few boundaries. MY DH and I bought our own home because of that. I would have always felt like I was their home and she would have felt as though she could just walk in.
This situation is hard and if you put more problems into it then it only gets worse. Trust me I know. Before I had a blow up with the ex....we all were getting along (only I was pretending) but let me tell you it is a lot easier then what I am going through now.
Talk to your family, friends, come here and vent...get it out of you because it will ruin you. Think of the kids, if you deny their mom for no real reason they will begin to resent you. And then you have a whoel new problems to deal with.
Good Luck
Thank you
Thank you for the great advice. I threw a fit a first but then kinda thought .. why.. He said he had a feeling I would get upset but he said it was a free chair. This house he is in is a house he bought on his own. Not theirs. It's over between them and all has moved on, Everyone is happy. So I'll just blow it off. The only time she has come in is when the kids are their.. Only.. so it's not like she just comes over there out of the blue and is alone with my BF. Always about the kids. She never comes in when I'm there. Which I told him to tell her if she needed to (son sleeps in and won't go to school and i'm not a displinary yet) that i would let her in or she can go thru the garage. I guess my situation is better than most so I can't complain but my own insecurities come out.. The kids are really nice to me and i really like them and they like me.. Your advice was really good. thank you so much.
Glad I could help. I have
Glad I could help. I have had many insecurities over these situations. I think a lot of us have. On a good note...most of the time it is the men who have to give things to the ex's....the chair well, it saves him money.
Glad to hear the kids like you and you them. That is a very good start. Enjoy them and your new family. Try to make the most of this situation ....you might be pleasently surprised. I wish I had listened to my own advice.
Take care
I'm sorry
I'm sorry that you end up having a blow out. Trust me I've had many between me any my BF. And wanted to on her. This is new for him also since I'm the first woman that they have seen their dad with. Can you say pressure? She cheated on him a few times. Had her oldest son (not his- step son) forge his name on a loan by mail to get money in my BF name,got credit cards behind his back and not tell him nor pay on them, he had to press charges for the forging, they were separted. She has stop lifted and he has had to pick up the kids at the store, She had stole money from two jobs. One up to 30,000 dollars, they didn't press charges since she had kids. They had to sell their big house and pay like 15,000 of the equity to the company and settle with them. She had done stuff to boyfriends and they have pressed charges and how she isn't in jail is a surprise to me. I get scared sometimes about moving my stuff in. Will she steal from me? There is all that pressure. I pretty sure she got pregnant on purpose cause she was a single mom. He married her cause if that. And i'm sure at the time he did care for her somewhat. Her new boyfriend is a police officer.. Weird huh. Hopefully he will kept her in line. And on top of everything she is a obiutial liar. About everything and anything. Then you got me I work two jobs, never done anything like that, have no kids. i was married before with two step daughters but they lived so far away that i never got close to them. and their mom was very jealous so they stayed distant. So i feel lost sometimes. I love my BF so much that i'm willing to do anything to make it work. and i understand what he is doing but it's hard sometimes. She leaves me be though so i try to work it out. She ruined his credit and the new house he is in is in his parents name so she couldn't try anything in the divorce. He doesn't even have to pay her child support cause of her crimanal record. He has come to peace with all of it and has stated "he has what he wants"(me). But you can tell he is still bitter about her doing him that way. Which is normal. She gets mad that their son talks to her so bad. and i have stated that he shouldn't do that and m BF has told him to not talk to his mom that way. Which is for the son's own good. But she has wanted him to spank him for it..and my BF stated that she didn't want to be with him and it's wasn't his responability anymore and if they were still married that would be different. Which i understand that too. and he has said that his son knew better than to talk to me bad cause he would be on him. His son treats me fine. Lies to me alotabout things he is doing but is always nice. I guess i need to find my place in all of this.. The BF used to not try but he really does now. Which i am grateful. I know this is about the kids. and i treat them the best i can. It's just very scary but being on here and reading all of this stuff makes me see i'm not alone and it can be so much worse.
One of the things that I
One of the things that I have learned is we can't fight their battles for them. My husband's ex had an affiar with her best friends husband....total jerry springer espisode. There was a lot of hurt. Then she won't give him 50% custody and is always after money. He is nice to her still.....doesn't need the hassles. So I step up and in the end I am the bad guy who is putting my nose where it doesn't belong (even though it is hard not to when hubby is angry and it affects your life).
Let him deal with her. Try to make your relationship with your hubby and the kids good. Don't let her as one person put it "rent space in your head". I know it is so destructive.
How long have you been together? It is hard and you will find days where you think RUN but if he is worth it (and it sounds like you love him a lot) then try your best to find ways to avoid getting involved. Lots of woman have great ideas here....when the Ex calls leave the house and go do something for youeself....lots of great advice here.
I am sorry that your situation isn't great. I guess we can't help who we fall in love with. I wish you luck. Like I said before come here often. I know it helps me get through the rough patches.