Have another baby? or not?
My DH and I have been married or 2 yrs. and have been together for 3. He has raised my daughter since she was one, she is now 4. I have been raising my 2 ssons 7 1/2 and 6 for 3 yrs. Ok so in all I have a daughter 4 and two ssons 7 1/2 and 6 and we have no kids together. Ever since I met my now husband I have wanted another baby. I mean goodness I only gave birth to one and I am raising 2 more and still want more...is that crazy?!? I still have the deep desire to have a child with my DH. He has said to me that he would like to have a child with me but that he wants to have the right house, money, locations, etc...and the list goes on. My problem is that our youngest is almost 5 and oldest almost 8. To me there is already a large gap in age and I have waited this long already to have another one. I know my DH want's another one, I just want him to quit making excuses for the time to be right. The time will never be right! When in life are we really ever completly prepared to have a child?! So on one hand I understand his responsible needs to have things right for a new child, and on the other hand I know in my heart life passes us by to fast and if we don't have one soon I will keep getting more and more disappointed. I keep joking with him that I am going to quit taking my pill and not tell him! Ok I would really never do that to him. I guess I do it to try and get the "ok" reaction that I desprately want. So is it wrong for me to keep pushing the issue of wanting another baby now and not later?
I would keep pushing.. Not
I would keep pushing.. Not sure how old you are.. but keep in mind that it isnt always a guarantee.. and you might have to work at it. You should bring that up too... that it probably wont happen right away.. and you dont want to delay any further.
Tell him there is NEVER a good time for anything.. you will not get that much more financially secure.. or have that house that will be that much more accomodating.. Ask him what his real reservations are, then negotiate from there.
Another compromise would be... DH.. I would like to start trying for baby#4 by xyz month. On that month, I would like to go off of the pill. Lets get whatever it is done that you would like done by then, as that is the Official starting date.
W/my DH, we compromised to when he would be off his last ship (he is in the military).. I have no kids of my own... We have been trying for a little under a year, have had 2 miscarriages. We will be trying again at the end of this month.. like i said.. it can be a slooowwwww process.
Good luck.
Setting a date is a great idea
Thanks for the advice. I am 27 and I know that there are still plenty of years to have another baby. I just don't want to have 3 kids nearly grown and have to start all over with a new baby. I would like to have them closer together. I will deffinitly talk to him about setting a date. That may work out better for him if there is a goal to be reached by a certain date. I am not sure he has even thought about the fact that conceiving a baby may in fact take a long time. I will try that angle as well and maybe give him something else to think about.
Best of luck on you and your husband having your own baby. I guess if we keep into consideration that to have what you want in life you have to keep trying and not give up then in the end something good will eventually come of it!
age difference can be good
I met my H when my sons were 11 and 8, his daughter was 10. We married a year later and got pregnant (not trying, but not trying hard enough NOT to get pregnant!) only one month after the wedding. Our baby was the mutual bond that brought us all closer. I worried about her closest sibling being nine years older but I think it has been a wonderful experience for the older kids. They have learned a ton about parenting from helping out and have also gained some perspective about unconditional love, and about seeing how I must have been with them when they were little. Our daughter is definitely the best thing to ever happen to all of us.
So since you're young, I would actually just talk sincerely about your wishes to your H and then wait for him to be ready. Because parenting an infant strains your relationship with all that sleep deprivation and energetic toddler hood ahead. I'm not sure about your situation, but when we met we had built in date nights with no sitters whenever all of our kids were at their other parent's house. We're very happily married and love our little girl like nothin' else. But I do think when you're a blended family, you never got the courtship time alone like couples do with no kids. So those kid free nights for time with just the two of you are essential to building a great foundation early in your marriage. I wouldn't give up my toddler for anything, but...I do sometimes miss those early kid free nights with my H.
Peace, love, and red wine
Like my mother told me...
If you wait until you have enough money to have a baby, you'll never have one. And she was right. I remember reading somewhere that it costs approximately $200k to raise a child to age 18. I have no idea how accurate that figure is, but if you waited until you saved that entire amount, you'd NEVER have a baby, would you? I mean, we can make all the plans we want, but what happens when life intervenes and screws up those plans? No one can see the future.
I think you make the decision first, then you do what you need to do to make it happen. You take everything else out of the equation and ask him, regardless of anything else, does he want to have a baby with you. If it's "yes, but..." you tell him to forget the buts, just answer the question. If he says yes, then you work out the buts. You get a plan together and you start working on it and you make it happen. If we'd waited until the timing was right and the money was good, we'd have never had our daughter . She was the fifth child born to our family... I had one, he had three.
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook
We talked it over again
Well my DH and I have been doing some more talking about having a baby. He never really gave me a for sure yes, but I do think he is really considering the fact. I understand his worries, I have all the same ones too. Hopefully he will think hard about everything and we will be able to reach a time agreement.
He likes to ask me if I really think I am ready. He says "do you remember all the up all nighters and sleepless nights" and "what about all the diapers and bottle feedings." I know all that is time consuming and hard and down right stressful but I think it's worth it when you get to see what your beautiful baby looks like when they smile.
Thanks for all the advice.
Kind of in the same boat
DH and I have just begun trying for our first child, my first, his third. SD is 15 and SS is 11. There is a huge gap there but that never mattered to me. I am still young. He has wanted another child since, well, we got married. I was always the one with the excuses. But I am certainly not getting any younger (but I will never be over 29, LOL.) I just decided it is now or never. We keep buying bigger houses, nicer cars and more dogs (major dog lovers) so dang, why not add in a little human baby with my dog babies. I prayed a lot about what I should do and now I know. God will help us get though anything. He will never put you through something you can't handle. Do it girl. I look forward to having a baby with my DH and having him know I am the mother if his child and us having that intimate connection.