Whatever gifts your dad gives you are between you and him. Whatever financial fights your father and his wife have are between the two of them.

My husband doesn't do this. My husband doesn't even have a clue how much money we have or where it is. He's screwed if I get hit by a bus! LOL It's just the division of labor we have in our house... he takes out the garbage and I handle the finances. If he spends, he tells me so I can keep track of it. So no, he doesn't give money or gifts to his kids behind my back. I don't do it, either. However, we've always pretty much agreed on what is fair when it comes to spending on his kids vs. our kids and the few times we haven't agreed, we've worked out a compromise we could both live with.

I say that if your father wants to give you money or whatever and you want to accept it, then fine. Whatever fallout occurs between him and his wife is none of your business. If your SM asks you about it, you tell her to take it up with your dad and say nothing else to her about it.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

if all things are financially sound in the home---AND YOUR MAN TAKES CARE OF YOU, he is financially solvent & you don't have to pay for him, and he actually helps support you by paying for more than what he uses (not this 50/50 crap that the modern hear me roar woman has fallen for)(and he can buy you a large coke when you go out)and there is enough left over for a little something for his adult loser princess---than go for it!!!!!!!

Was that a rant?????

SD is still in our house, so it's a little different. But, I see this as a trust issue more than anything. If he wants to give SD money, why can't he ask me? It's OUR money. SD14 is supposed to do chores and gets an allowance of $14 a week. To me that's more than adequate. But she never does her chores, and he just gives her money randomly. $20 here, $20 there, more for Christmas than our two BDs, etc. And the kids has so much discretionary money, it's not even funny. She breaks things in our house constantly (a phone, a trash can, a mirror) and he won't make her replace them. She buys herself pizza all the time, and God forbid anyone else have even a single piece. She goes to movies with her friends almost every weekend and goes shopping all the time. I can't afford to do all that!

I can't speak to your stepmom's issues here, but I'm guessing it has more to do with how what your dad is doing affects her than the fact that he's giving you money.

My DH gives my SD money secretly all the time, and I always find out about it after the fact. And, yes it bugs me. But here is why - My SD is a grown adult, she has a 5 month old daughter, they live with us, and she needs to be responsible with her money. For our part, I am the bread winner in the family. My income could support us totally, although not very comfortably, as it did this past summer. However, my DH and I have worked out how we split the bills, etc. and I am responsible for the finances. The deal is supposed to be that we support SD while she gets on her feet and makes herself secure enough to support herself and her child. She has to work and go to school. She has to pay for her child's needs at all times. (Babyfood, diapers, etc. these are the essentials, and I truly believe she MUST learn to be responsible for that child - we are not going to be here forever!) I pay her tuition for college. She has to pay daycare, and she has to pay her own medical bills (she has a job with healthcare, so it's only copays). We put a roof over her head, we feed her, we occassionally provide clothing. Her expenses are her kid, and when there is a problem we step in, support her, and make a pay back plan. OK - so what does DH do? He gets her stuff. He secretly buys things that she needs to save for or get herself. There is no reason that she needs help to get diapers, and if she does, it means she has been irresponsible. DH just covers the cost. She will NEVER learn - and really - she is an adult, how long am I supposed to pay? It isn't like I begrudge her stuff, but this is regular funneling of money so that he doesn't always have his share of the household costs! I review budgets with both him and SD regularly so I understand how tight her income is. But still, when he can't cough up the money for the monthly heating bill, it really pisses me off.

EXACTLY!