Stupid BM,,,,
So I called DH while driving home from work at 6:45. SD was SUPPOSED to be dropped off at BM's at 5:30. BM called at 4:30 (a whole HOUR'S notice) to say she can't take SD tonight because she doesn't have anywhere for SD to sleep.
SD usually sleeps on an air mattress at BM's house, which me and DH purchased for her. BM apparently told DH that SD can still come over tonight if we buy another air mattress, but the other one got popped or something.
DH somehow convinced BM that she should go buy an air mattress, not us. So we had to wait until 8 p.m. to drop off SD so that BM could have time to go out and get one.
Meanwhile...some background...BM is a lowlife welfare collector who recently managed to sue someone over a car accident and just got $75,000 in settlement funds. She told SD on the phone today that she has two new cars in the driveway.
I learned this as DH and SD were walking out the door. Its a damn good thing they were leaving too, because I find it EXTREMELY difficult to keep my mouth shut about crap like this. You're telling me this woman didn't want to go buy an air mattress for SD, but just purchased two new vehicles. Pfft.
Of course, SD thinks mom is wonderful and the greatest thing ever because she's gonna use some of her settlement funds to buy her a Wii.
ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH!
And she will take that WIi
And she will take that WIi back when she runs out of money
Sorry - hit a sore nerve here - i work for a plaintiff's firm and we see that all the time - none the less why doesn't she pick the child up instead of you taking her?
I would consult an atty about being entitled to that money - if itsnt punitive damages you might get a portion - depends on your state.
And....does welfare know she got the money?
I do defense work. And I've
I do defense work. And I've seen this before too....I had one case where we (as insurance company) were supposed to have subrogation rights, but the plaintiffs sued, got settlement money, and spent it all before we managed to get anything. As part of discovery we had their bank records, and they spent about $200,000 in less than a year....all at Target, Walmart and places like that. Amazing.
This is supposed to be compensation for lost wages and medical expenses from what I understand. She is going to give us $1000 voluntarily and DH is just gonna take that and let it go. We could probably get more, but oh well. Part of me would rather she not give us anything...because she thinks she doing us some wonderful freaking favor.
I'm sure she's going to be flat broke again within 6 months the way she's blowing through this money already. But it really grinds on my nerves to hear from SD about how "cool" BM is because she spends her money in a fun way.
futon
Tell BM to buy a futon. Duel purpose - couch and place for child to sleep.
The Big Drop Off
BM did the drop off this weekend, presumably because its so fun to ride around in her brand new gas guzzling SUV.
*rolleyes*
And me and DH bought our own new-used vehicle this weekend....a Subara Outback with 20,000 miles on it...because we need a bigger car for August when the baby arrives.
SD comes stomping up the stairs, with her arms loaded with shopping bags, and says, "Don't tell me that's our new car." I said, "Yes." She said, "That sucks."
I hate this child some times.
And then she proceeds to show me and DH all the amazing new things her mother bought her this weekend. Apparently she took SD to the mall (with makeup on of couse...I could still see the eyeliner), and said, "You've got $400 to spend. Get whatever you want."
Oh what a wonderful mother!!! She's the best freaking thing ever!!! Just ignore the fact that she lost custody of you because she dates violent a-holes and sells coocaine out of her house! She's just amazing!
Makes me want to puke.
Then SD asks me, "What did you guys do with the money?"
I seriously had no idea what she was talking about. I asked what money she meant, and she says, "All the money my mom gave you."
Right. Because $1000 is just an incredible contribution considering DH has had full custody for 3 years and has never seen a dime in child support.
Then SD says, "I think, and my mom agrees, that you'll probably spend it all on the baby."
AHHHHHHHHHHHH. I want to strangle the child and her stupid BM.
I said, No...we put it in the bank. She said why? haha...I said, because it really isn't necessary to spend money as soon as you get it.
Whatever. She's just obnoxious. Both of them.
It feels good to spew about it.
great replies
Its not a child's business where you spend or why you don't spend your money. My kids thought that since I had checks I had money. Sorry that is not always the case. Kids are expensive. I hope BM at least bought some stuff that is useful like clothes that are appropriate.
So what if you spend it on the baby - its a member of the family too - soon anyway!
I know!
We should be able to spend the money as we see fit. And we are, of course. Its just completely obnoxious that SD feels like she has the right to question us. She really seems to think she's an adult sometimes. She always tries to insert herself into adult conversations. Its pretty annoying.
Anyway...she did get some clothes that she can wear. She also got back a pair of jeans that have been missing for months. She explained to my husband that her mom had been "borrowing" them.
Hello? I BOUGHT HER THOSE JEANS! Why is a 31-year-old borrowing a 10-year-old's clothing anyways? What a freak.
That kind of thing really ticks me off, but there's no point in me telling SD it ticks me off. She thinks its cool that her and her BM are 'buddies' who borrow eachother's clothes. SD is a kid...BM should be the one acting like a grownup and setting boundaries; she just doesn't because she's like a kid herself.
_Jess_ & Cruella-
Cruella-I recently found out the same thing you just stated!
I have learned that we ARE seen as the money pit: we provide our own clothing, food, pay a mortgage, power, water, sewer, send lunch $ when the account goes - for the 15th time in 7 months, taxes, etc etc. It seems to never be enough. BM can't even afford medication (Concerta) and usually finds a way to call and complain about our insurance. Lazy Lazy.
Apparently bc my husband decided to have sex out of wed lock when he was 19 with his childs BM he is an open money pit!
I called 2 places on Friday regarding medical bills that are due on my SS (the total is under $100, but the BM is voluntarily unemployed, 30, and living in her parents basement with SS)and I called the actual Surgery Center bc the BM signed for the treatment on the day of service and OF COURSE listed my Husband as the gaurantor. I am studying to become a paralegal and have a little knowledge of the law-I know that in the end, the collection agency has to collect from the person who signed for services if the bill goes unpaid. I told the billing dept this, and in response they said-"Well he IS the Father, isn't he?" I stated that yes, he is the father. They then say "Then he is responsible." I said "Oh Really. So when I go have my outpt procedure done next week I should write my Dads name in as the gaurantor and you will bill him? Ok, thats what I will do since all Father's are solely responsible for their child's medical care." I was a smart aleck, but it felt good
_Jess_:I agree with smurfysmile-It is none of that child's business how or where you spend your money. Go ahead and put it towards something nice for your new baby! You spent you & your hubbys hard earned money providing everything the child needed with no CS for the last few years-the baby deserves it and so do you! It sucks being pregnant and having someone be so hateful, I went through it too. My husbands X even called 3x the morning I was being induced to see if we needed an Xtra pill for my SS for Monday morning. (he had stayed on xtra onight so he could be over when the baby was born) When we went home the following week, BM said that we would never get an extra night if we couldn't even answer her phone calls!!
SK's don't always like the fact that their parents move on with their lives after separating and the things she is saying are only going to be temporary. Once BM spends all her $$ the girl will be on her own again, and all the new things will become old. Don't worry, and don't let the SD get to you. She's being rude because she feels on a high going out and spending money with her Mom. You were right to say what you did, and chances are she will remember that and perhaps quote iot to her frugal BM once the money runs out!
Okay, wait
About the air mattress, why not a freaking bed?!? If she can afford two vehicles then she can afford a damn twin bed at least! Sorry, that just goes all thorough me.
Secondly, when SD said "What did you do with money" you should have responded "Well, that's for me to know and you to find out". My SK's hate that.
Third, YOUR MONEY, YOUR CHOICE, PERIOD!!!!!!!
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
I wish I HAD said that
Hindsight is always 20/20 right? I should've said, "Mind your Ps and Qs" or something to that effect. Next time....
RE: the air mattress thing. Yeah, BM recently moved into a three bedroom. The first week, SD had her own room with our air mattress in it. THis week, suddenly BM's sister and son are living there...so there is no room for SD. BM's nephew and son share one room, BM has one, and BM's sister has the other. I don't even know what the whole deal was with the air mattress, because apparently SD ended up sleeping on the couch, which apparently will be the permanent arrangment.
DH thinks BM made up the air mattress story because she was trying to get out of having SD over for the night. Who knows. Everything about BM is a ridiculous web of lies if you ask me.
It's BM's like these that give other BM's a bad name
As an SM, my question to BM would have to be "Excuse me, but your daughter means so little that you would put her on your couch like you would a husband that can't behave?" It should be that she has a room and the sister sleeps on the couch.
As a BM, I find her behavior deplorable and shameful!
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
Words in mouth
I am always trying to get DH to say the things I want him to to SD/BM.
I cheered the day he told SD, It is not nice to talk about money and how much things cost. It is none of your business why we bought X because that is an adult matter and Children do not question Adults! You are the child, I am the adult, so if this hurts your feelings (thinks is adult) don't ask about adult matters! She was 15
It may sound mean but it put a boundary in place that wasn't there and needed to be
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
Ahhh, those boundries
I bet you were swallowing a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile upon hearing that! I love it when DH puts SK's in their place. Just last week he popped the oldest in the mouth for telling me no and told him that no one treats his wife like that. Now if he were only consistent with it!
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
Wow.. the kid is sleeping
Wow.. the kid is sleeping on a couch.. and she thinks HER mom is cool??? are you freakin kidding me???
Jess.. I hope some day when sd 10 is 21.. that she looks back and says.. wow.. Dad and Jess had a room for me to sleep in and a bed. I had a place of my own in that house. Dad and Jess always cared for me and made sure they had me when they were supposed to and cared for me when my own BM didnt want to bother w/me.
I also hope that is the case for my skids.. could all just be wishful thinking on my part!