Got myself all depressed
I'm many years into my second marriage at this point. So why do I still feel lingering jealousy when I see pictures of bm at my in-laws house? I KNOW my dh is glad to be rid of her and I know he has basically purged his former life from his memory...and yet...sometimes when I see evidence of his former life its like a punch in the gut.
I was at my in-laws house tonight. They were at a dinner party and I was waiting on them. I had the house to myself for a little while and I noticed my MIL had been cleaning out a cabinet. There were stacks of pictures there and I admit, I was nosey. I looked. It was picture after picture of bm, bm and dh, bm and sd, or all three of them. Part of my jealousy is that my MIL has no interest in photographing me, me and dh, and me and my kids. She has no pictures of me in her home that aren't professional family pictures, despite the fact that she had many pictures of bm displayed (that she didn't take down until we were in our second year of marriage, and only then because my dh insisted).
I know all about his former life. I know how miserable he was. I know how miserable she was. I think what troubles me the most is the fact that my in-laws won't divorce her and embrace me like I want them to. I constantly wonder what is wrong with me. I know other people like me. So why can't they?
Sorry, but I'm depressed tonight. Thanks for listening.
If its any consulation....
My ex's parents still have pictures of me, him & the kids together on their walls and we have be divorced for 10+ years.....and they don't like me...so figure that one out??!! Because I have yet too.
So I wouldn't take it to heart..
Corie
i completely understand
but cruella is rite...just dont let it bother u. im sure its hard and i understand how u feel...just the fact that my fiancee HAD a wife and kids before me bothers me!
maybe u could give them some new pics and have DH gently remind them to use them to replace the old ones??? just a thought.
divorce is a process
for everyone involved to go thru in their own way....some times it takes longer for some people. The fact that MIL was cleaning out a cabnet, and thats how you saw these pic's, seems innocent enough....what would be really funny , is if she was preparing them to be disposed of....maybe?? I understand how you feel, myself, and my DH , both have had to deal with pic's from the past, and I look at the bigger picture, I am here now. Thats what matters most. I like bellacita's suggestion. ~"Resist all the urges.... that make you want to go out and kill." ~ Chel.
My husband has talked to his
My husband has talked to his mother repeatedly about the pictures in her home. Unless we give her a framed picture (like our family pictures) she won't display it. Even then she makes sure they are in an out of the way spot. Granted, she has about a million pictures of sd around, some with bm. She won't take those down because she thinks it will hurt sd's feelings. While I don't want sd's feelings to be hurt, I don't think she'd even notice. It's not so much the pictures themselves, except how I interpret the meaning behind them. It feels like a visual reminder of my status in that household. My MIL has more pictures of bm and dh's dog displayed in her home than she does of me! I don't really want pictures of me at the house, it's not about that. It's just about seeing how unimportant I am in the grand scheme of things.
plus the complete disregard for yr feelings
or your husbands new life. it wont hurt SDs feelings as long as they are replaced w new pics that have her in them. and regardless, im sorry, but the divorce and her dads new marriage is a fact of life that she has to deal w.
chel
i really wish i had your outlook on things...i know the past is the past but that doesnt make it easier. maybe i just havent been in this situation long enough and that i will be able to develop your positive outlook over time. rite now, as much as i try to think of things like that, the past keeps clouding my mind, esp now while we're in the middle of a state of not knowing whats gonna happen.
u are an inspiration to me...really
talk to ur H and tell him
talk to ur H and tell him how u feel and tell if he was in ur situation how would he feel. before i saw any of these pics of my H and his ex i warned him that i had better not encounter any of them so he made sure that mommy dearest did not have any of them out in the open..
My husband found some
My husband found some pictures of me and my ex bf (serious relationship) about a month ago when we were cleaning out our garage. I thought I had thrown all that stuff away. Anyway, he got very bothered by them and asked me things like, "why don't you ever smile like that in pictures with me?" He was in a bad mood for hours after we threw them in the trash. But for whatever reason, he can't make the leap to understanding how it makes me feel to see this in my in-laws home. My MIL has a shrine of pictures from dh's and bm's wedding in a closet. They are displayed on the shelves, but the door stays closed. WTF? Does she go in there and look at them from time to time? The one that kills me the worst is that in my in-laws guest room there is a picture of bm and sd. That is the only picture in there. So when someone stays the night, there is a huge reminder of who is important to them, and who is not. My husband claims that no one would think that way but me. I disagree. My feelings are so deeply wounded by this that I want to sit and cry about it sometimes.
i disagree w this
i know men dont get it sometimes and cant make the connection...my fiancee got mad i had a pic of me and my ex-BOYFRIEND in w a bunch of pictures...i honestly missed it when i threw them all away...and he flipped out! so i get that ur husband cant make the connection.
the problem here is that youve tol dhim it bothers u and despite whether he agrees or not, it does bother u and it needs to change.
The last part is on the
The last part is on the money: it bothers you & it needs to change!
End of discussion. Another comment from my heart is when dating my DH he never took any interest of us getting our picture taken together or cherished (corny word I know) a picture of me --this hurt me as previous bfs & exhub. were so into photos of "us". Even now married I never see a flash go off or a video camera on me, just the swins. Makes you feel ignored or invisible at the time & later when viewing.