Crayon,
I have been saying this all along----not to marry or shack up with these men & everyone jumps all over me. Oh---you are on a website for steps! Why are u saying this? To help the people who haven't done it (gotten involved) yet! How do you get away with saying it?
If I had a nickel for everytime this year I said I was an unpaid nanny not stepmom or wife I'd be rich! Its ridiculous that I got married to have this life now. And after all I've done for those swins they told DH they hate me, and I'm not their mother & never will be. Hello? I know I am a step mom and not BM but their callousness hurts as I've been invested in their well-being (for lack of better phrase) than their BM & BF combined - still I get zero credit. Their loyalty will always be to BM. Only solution for me/myself/I is stay away the days swins come & live with my BD, who is shocked by the swins & declares they must be nuts b.c. I'm an awesome Mom to her. I don't want to beg them to "like" me b.c. their loyalty will ALWAYS be with BM and I'm not their unpaid nanny no more.
Why does everyone, the skids and BM think we want to be the kids mom? that we are stupid, they are, duh, already born? I have always been dying to say to SD/BM, if they would ever say it to my face, SD is lucky I am not her mom or she would be in manners/schooling/attitude training class, taught by me!
Another thing I want to go on record as saying, I wish to BM if we could speak without screaming, is that I personally am not jealous the BM came first as she is fond of imagining - their miserable marriage and divorce also came before me! so I am spared that at least, my DH has very few fond memories of their relationship as far as I can tell. Whatever, I have a few memories of my own, don't we all, ho hum. Ya know?!!
Anna, I would stop doing anything for them since they don't appreciate it! that is the only way I know to get their attention, to stop the gravy train
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus
In some states after a certain amount of time, you fall into a common law marriage status and all the financial entanglements prevail. I think it needs to be 7 years before it qualifies.
I told my hubby about a month ago that I am no longer prepared to risk my financial security for his children and more to the point - his ex. I gave up my substantial income to come and work with DH in his business and the ex is bleeding us dry.
Over the last 2 years we have given BM $200 per week in voluntary child support, paid school/camp/sports fees on top of that, AND paid her mobile phone bill, insurance, car payment and Sky TV (cable?).
As soon as I found out about the bills he was paying for her, I asked him to stop because I felt he was crossing the line in terms of involvment in her life. Is she his ex or not?? Then I got him to stop paying extra every time she rang and asked for money because I felt she should learn to budget on what she has. Just recently we were forced to stop the voluntary child support because we are really struggling fincially.
It has taken possible bankruptcy for DH to stop giving them every cent he could find (or borrow). He feels terrible. And BM has spewed vitriole at him for days telling him he is a bad father, and blaming me for the changes.
I believe we will get thru this hard time, and I have told DH that when we do, we will negotiate an amount (over and above the court ordered CS amount) that he can spend on the kids at his discretion. He can choose to spend it on them when they are with us, pay for school/camp/sports activities or give it to their mothers, BUT ONCE IT IS GONE, THERE WILL BE NO MORE.
DH was not impressed. He says I am talking in 'I' and not 'we', but I pointed out HE has put ME in a position where I must protect myself (and my BD/BS) against him and his ex bleeding me dry and causing me to lose my home (that I owned BEFORE they all came along).
I have learnt my lesson and I will never again trust anyone to put my needs first. I have to look after myself, and from now on I will.
I don't want to be the SKIDS mother. I don't have to provide for BM or the SKIDS. I will however support my DH to pay his fair share, and help him to maintain a good relationship with his kids by keeping a welcoming place for them in our home and encouraging regular contact. After that, they are on their own.
I believe this, my wonderful new friends, is the blessed state of DISENGAGEMENT, and I am so glad to finally be there.
ABSOLUTELY
Crayon,
I have been saying this all along----not to marry or shack up with these men & everyone jumps all over me. Oh---you are on a website for steps! Why are u saying this? To help the people who haven't done it (gotten involved) yet! How do you get away with saying it?
If I had a nickel for
If I had a nickel for everytime this year I said I was an unpaid nanny not stepmom or wife I'd be rich! Its ridiculous that I got married to have this life now. And after all I've done for those swins they told DH they hate me, and I'm not their mother & never will be. Hello? I know I am a step mom and not BM but their callousness hurts as I've been invested in their well-being (for lack of better phrase) than their BM & BF combined - still I get zero credit. Their loyalty will always be to BM. Only solution for me/myself/I is stay away the days swins come & live with my BD, who is shocked by the swins & declares they must be nuts b.c. I'm an awesome Mom to her. I don't want to beg them to "like" me b.c. their loyalty will ALWAYS be with BM and I'm not their unpaid nanny no more.
Response
Why does everyone, the skids and BM think we want to be the kids mom? that we are stupid, they are, duh, already born? I have always been dying to say to SD/BM, if they would ever say it to my face, SD is lucky I am not her mom or she would be in manners/schooling/attitude training class, taught by me!
Another thing I want to go on record as saying, I wish to BM if we could speak without screaming, is that I personally am not jealous the BM came first as she is fond of imagining - their miserable marriage and divorce also came before me! so I am spared that at least, my DH has very few fond memories of their relationship as far as I can tell. Whatever, I have a few memories of my own, don't we all, ho hum. Ya know?!!
Anna, I would stop doing anything for them since they don't appreciate it! that is the only way I know to get their attention, to stop the gravy train
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus
I'm sorry I didn't find this sooner
for some of us gals and guys.
Einstein's definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
we forgive you this time
LOL< but dont let it happen again!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Don't be too sure
In some states after a certain amount of time, you fall into a common law marriage status and all the financial entanglements prevail. I think it needs to be 7 years before it qualifies.
I recently closed the bank...
I told my hubby about a month ago that I am no longer prepared to risk my financial security for his children and more to the point - his ex. I gave up my substantial income to come and work with DH in his business and the ex is bleeding us dry.
Over the last 2 years we have given BM $200 per week in voluntary child support, paid school/camp/sports fees on top of that, AND paid her mobile phone bill, insurance, car payment and Sky TV (cable?).
As soon as I found out about the bills he was paying for her, I asked him to stop because I felt he was crossing the line in terms of involvment in her life. Is she his ex or not?? Then I got him to stop paying extra every time she rang and asked for money because I felt she should learn to budget on what she has. Just recently we were forced to stop the voluntary child support because we are really struggling fincially.
It has taken possible bankruptcy for DH to stop giving them every cent he could find (or borrow). He feels terrible. And BM has spewed vitriole at him for days telling him he is a bad father, and blaming me for the changes.
I believe we will get thru this hard time, and I have told DH that when we do, we will negotiate an amount (over and above the court ordered CS amount) that he can spend on the kids at his discretion. He can choose to spend it on them when they are with us, pay for school/camp/sports activities or give it to their mothers, BUT ONCE IT IS GONE, THERE WILL BE NO MORE.
DH was not impressed. He says I am talking in 'I' and not 'we', but I pointed out HE has put ME in a position where I must protect myself (and my BD/BS) against him and his ex bleeding me dry and causing me to lose my home (that I owned BEFORE they all came along).
I have learnt my lesson and I will never again trust anyone to put my needs first. I have to look after myself, and from now on I will.
I don't want to be the SKIDS mother. I don't have to provide for BM or the SKIDS. I will however support my DH to pay his fair share, and help him to maintain a good relationship with his kids by keeping a welcoming place for them in our home and encouraging regular contact. After that, they are on their own.
I believe this, my wonderful new friends, is the blessed state of DISENGAGEMENT, and I am so glad to finally be there.