New here- Ex wife issues!
So, let me start by saying I have been married to my husband 3 1/2 years, this is both of our 2nd marriages. I have no Bio children and he has 1 daughter who is 11 years old. It appears to me that his ex wife is NEVER EVER going to go away. She lives about 5 blocks from us, she calls 4-5 times a week at least to "make arrangements" for the daughter and she is always complaining about this and that and how she has to support his child.
My husband pays her a very generous child support -more then the courts require, plus we purchase about 90% of the child’s clothing and entertainment. The ex wife seems to always be mooching off us. She says my husband doesn’t pay her enough and she is always broke. She asks him to take her to the train or airport when she goes out of town or for this and that and he does because he says "it is good for his daughter to see us all getting along" he also says "It’s for my daughter". Please, I do not believe this for a minute! He get’s mad when I question anything to do with her or his daughter. I feel like I’m in last place with him.
Now here is my latest issue. A few days ago we let her know we will be going out of town and coming back on Sunday night. Well it appears she will be out of town that weekend also with my Step daughter in the same town we are going too and she has now asked that we pick her and the daughter up on our way back from out of town and if they can ride home with us. This is at least a 3 hour ride and I do not feel it is fair. Why can’t she get home the same way she got there?? Why is she ruining my weekend? Oh, to top it off we are going on this trip to pick up his mom for a visit and she can not stand the ex wife and will be riding in the backseat with her.
What do you all think?
There is no WAY I would be
There is no WAY I would be ok with that! It is disrespecful and gives your SD a false sense of "mommy and daddy being together"! Your vacations and EVERYTHING that is done said or otherwise in your home is NONE OF HER BUSINESS! Never has been Never will be! I would be telling DH stop the bull sh** or Im out! Thats exactly what that is! There is a BIG difference between all sitting together at a school event or sporting event of SD's and going on vacation together!
In my case BM tried to call constantly ask for this that and the other extra and want my DH to do favors for her. I sat him down and simply said "You need to understand that you are married to me now and this WILL stop. If you want to continue this behavior you will find yourself with TWO ex's. FAVORS are reserved for me and ME ONLY!! From now on YOU will be telling her NO. Do we understand eachother" And we did! He just started saying no everytime she asked and eventually she quite asking! If she threw a fit about it he would tell her she had her answer and it was not changing and hang up. She is getting a pay off everytime she does it in the form of time etc with your DH and when she doesnt get the pay off she will stop doing it! If your DH wont listen to you and back you up 100% on these things I personally would find some one who will! Its not worth being miserable for your whole life! YOU are his wife and YOU should be #1
AMEN, Sister!
I had to basically have the EXACT conversation with my DH when he kept entertaining the ridiculous incessant nonense from his horrible ex.
Even though she's the one who cheated on him, took him for every last dime, treats his girls like garbage, and continues to make our lives a living hell, she has the audacity to contunally call and ask him for favors- as if they were BFFs!!!!
Finally, I had enough and put my foot down. I told him that if he wanted to continue having a daily relationship with this woman, that I would divorce him, and he could remarry her again, but I was NO LONGER putting up with this dysfunctional nonsense. (Sorry guys- sometimes, you just need to get hit in the head with a 2x4 before you "get it")
And boy, did he 'get it.' And he stopped entertaining her bull. And guess what? She stopped calling! I guess her she realized that her playmate wasn't interested in playing her games anymore and left the playground (BOO-HOO).
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
no
I'm a guy. I would feel really badly if my wife were in constant contact with her EX and doing the kinds of things you describe. I would never allow it - she'd get the "it's him or me" speech.
Agree..
Let me tell you I am about to the point where I will not take anymore... I am sick of the games and Bull****! I did not sign up for this. On top of it all even after 6 years (over half her life) of doing everything for my SD she still acts like she hates me!!
I cant Imagine
There was a time dh would have possible humored the thought of doing BB a favor, but now he would be laughing her off the phone, along with me. It's totally unappropriated of her, and not your problem to accommodate her. It might be a good idea to put your foot down, or if not it will probably continue and get worse. DH may not realize how inappropriate it is of her, so you may need to enlighten him.
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.-Erma Bombeck:
At first I thought I wasn't reading this right!
Ok....I know I'm all kumbya with my sons' SM. But that took YEARS to build, and also took two very laid back, non-jealous women to accomplish.
So have I ridden places with them? A field trip to the Zoo a couple hours away? To my exH's aunt's funeral (that I was really close to) that was in a small out in the country town where I would most definitely be lost to or from.
YES.
But what the heck is this?
You are going out of town. And BM/SD are going out of town, the same weekend to the same place? Strange enough.
But to ask for a lift? Not just for SD, which would be fine I think.
But really...for BM?
She is over stepping.
DH needs to say that he can pick up SD if needed, but that he isn't comfortable with giving her a ride.
This is a sticky wicket!
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
Tried
So, I have told him it is not our issue to do things for his EX wife. I told him she is his EX for a reason and she should stay away from us. He thinks doing things for her will make his daughter a better person. I call BULLSH*T on that one. He does things for his EX because if he doesnt he has to deal with her screaming and yelling. I am so sick of them all!!!!
Although....
I do think it would be fun to sit in the front seat and hold hands with DH while BM sat miserably in the back...
Sorry that's my own fantasy, since BM doesn't acknowledge my existence all these years later!
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
Yes
That would be funny Sita Tara but I would feel so bad for his mother who would also be in the backseat with that Whore of an ex wife!