Chronic STUPID Syndrome
So, here I am 4 years in to being a Stepmom... I don't know WHY I am still amazed at the lack of common sense this woman has (BM, who else, right?).
We have battled time and time again over WHY SS5 needs to be AT school, why it is NOT ok to smoke (weed too) around him, why it is not a good idea to let him PLAY ON THE TRAIN TRACKS or the roof of her house... WTF? I just thought all of these things were common sense. It just floors me when I get a call from SS's teacher asking why he was picked up from school early during report card testing and when she is asked why, the answer is "I wanted to see him".
My fiance and I sat down with BM last week and had a nice long discussion about why she needs to get a job, and how her boyfriend is a bad influence on SS. Fiance explained to her that he does not want his son growing up thinking that it is okay to not have a job and live with your parents until you are 30, like BM's boyfriend. My FH and I both work very hard, and FH is trying to set the example that there is no shame in a hard days work, and when SS goes to his mom's house and they sit around all day long not doing a thing to better themselves, it gives him mixed signals. I think we are both just fed up with her sense of entitlement. Everytime I turn around she is looking for a handout... something for nothing. She has been out of work for 4 months, she would not even go out and look for a job for fear of leaving her loser boyfriend home alone, thinking he may cheat on her while she is out. PATHETIC.
I know that my complaints probably seem petty, and I should be somewhat grateful that his mom does want to be a part of his life, I just feel worn down with her immaturity. I suppose next month when her unemployment runs out and she has to move an hour away to live with her dad... and have to leave SS here with us Full time (she is aware that if she tries to take him out of town we will fight for full time custody and very likely win with her track record) maybe that will be her wake up call. She has to find a job (which is NOT easy to do out here right now) she has 4 weeks to find a job or she has to move. Is it wrong that I am praying she doesn't find a job? That way she can just be GONE for a while, like a wake up call maybe. I feel bad even saying this but, that is exactly how I feel. I just need a break from her BAD PARENTING!!! Tell me I am not insane please!
your not
We are waiting for our BM's wake up call. She is employed and makes good money but her lifestyle is terrible. I won't get into it now. I feel your pain. Cross your fingers. Maybe this is just what she need.
not insane
weed smoking around him?? playing on train tracks and the roof??? how does she still have custody of this poor little boy?
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
These are NEW found issues
She recently moved into this "house" that is literally on a junk yard, right by the rail road tracks. SS is now old enough that he tells us everything that goes on over there, like how when BM and her BF fight that the "cops come" and that she smokes in the truck when they are driving. So he tells me one day that he plays on the rail road tracks and mommy said it is fine as long as there are no trains coming. Well, she says that she was with him, and they were just putting pennies on the tracks, it was not a big deal. But obviously SS understood differently what the rules are about rail road tracks. She has put it in his 5 year old mind that it is fine as long as he doesn't see a train. Well where the railroad passes by her house is not a populated area, so trains don't slow down there, AND we have the metro link here which goes MUCH faster than a freight train, AND she lives right where the tracks curve. She is so beyond stupid. The WEED~ I have an email from her saying that she "only smokes it after he is in bed" but there was an incident that I went to drop him off and her house REEEEEEKKKKEED of weed and she was completely loaded. I refused to leave him there. Bottom line, FH says he doesn't want to take SS from his mom. He has no problem taking SS from her, but he doesn't want to do that to his son. Does that make sense? I have given up trying to get him to take him from her, he won't do it. I suppose it will take something drastic happening, I just hope it is not too late. Her choices put him in scary situations. I hate even thinking about it.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
Definately not insane
I'm actually impressed that you could at least get her in the same room with you and discuss her boyfriend civilly. We can't even get my SDs BM to call our home....
She had no clue
that is what we were going to discuss. She assumed we would be questioning her on where she is going to live when her unemployment runs out in a few weeks (which we did) she had no idea that FH can't stand her boyfriend. He stays out of her "personal" life until it effects SS. He was very clear that if SS was with us 100% of the time he would not care WHO she dates and how she spends her free time, but that is not the case. She has this way of tell ME (of all people) that when he voices his concerns about her and her life that it only "proves that he still cares about her" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, no dumba$$ is proves that he loves his SON and the choices YOU make effect HIS life. She is somethin else. She is full blown STUPID.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
If I were you
I would start documenting EVERY single one of these "new" issues with your SS. Start talking to him and asking more questions- in a totally playful and innocent way every time he comes over.
Mark the date, time, and details of EVERY incident he describes.
Don't bother telling FH right now, especially if he isn't interested in pursuing this. But wait until you have a stack full of incidents to report to him (with her stupidity, give it about 3 months time)...
And them drop it in his lap. When he "sees" the amount of times that his son was in harm's way, and reads episode after episode that he could have been hurt, then maybe he will change his tune about seeking full custody.
And then you will have good evidence to give to any lawyer right in your hands.
It's worth a shot. This woman shouldn't even have custody of a goldfish, let alone a child!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
OH
I have 4 years of documentation~ Trust me... from keeping him from FH until he "ups his child support" to when her last LOSER of a BF got so drunk he cut off his pinky in front of SS... I have it all. Even down to when he comes home smelling like a BAR from her smoking around him. She is not "new" to being stupid, it just seems to be getting worse and worse. Don't people grow out of this type of behaviour? But you are right, I will spend a few days compiling all of the info and logs I have from the past 4 years and drop it in his lap with the number to the best Family Lawyer in town. We'll see. At this point though she is proving to be her own worst enemy, she will be moving in with her dad anyways, so I may not have to worry about any of it. It is much easier to document now that SS is getting older but still young enough to spill the beans without knowing he is getting his mom in trouble. He just opens the flood gates when he gets home.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )