Did the right thing?
forgive me, I'm new at this whole mom thing.
Wednesday SD's french teacher called to tell us that she had taken SD's cell phone away for the second time in class (mind you, SD has only been in school there for a month). FH and I talked about it, and I was in the camp of taking it from her for a week (he thought it was too harsh, and thought she should get off with a warning, though I pointed out the first time the teacher took it away was a warning). He sided with me, and we explained the situation, and took the phone away.
SD handled this well, there was no yelling on either side. All good? Not so much...
SD has been using her cell phone as her alarm clock, despite the fact she has an alarm clock in her room, and her nintendo DS that also has an alarm, which she used before she got the cell phone. So she set the DS instead after we took the phone away. Yesterday, it didn't go off, and FH woke her up just in time to go flying out the door and get the bus, leaving her room a mess. FH was annoyed with her, and commented that she needed to be on top of it. (she did clean her room when she got home).
Today, SD is in the bathroom straightening her hair when the time for her to leave passes. FH says "you know it's 6:48" and she says yeah, then says "you mean 5:48" and he said no. So she drops everything and goes flying out the door, running down the street, and managed to catch her bus.
A few hours later stepmom is cleaning up the living room, and goes to put a couple of SD's things in her room, and finds a paper SD has been working on all week in a report cover on her desk. It's due today.
I called FH and asked him what he wanted me to do, and he said well, she needs to learn. I disagreed with him and said yes she does, but not at the expense of school. He said I could handle how ever I want, so I drove it up to the school and left it at the front desk and had them page her to get it at the end of class.
Did I do the right thing? I mean, it's possible she had another copy with her, but I doubt it, since it was in the report cover and everything. I know BM would have never done that, but I can't help it. I know she worked on it all week, and she's already being punished by losing the phone, I don't want to see any punishment affect her schoolwork. I committed to supporting her 100% in school, and for me to sit home on my butt when I could do something to help, I just didn't feel right about it...
I wonder what her reaction is going to be...
I Agree With You
If dad feels a punishment is in order let it be something that doesnt effect her standing in school. I would have done the same thing...grades, attendance, etc. follow them through college.
thanks for the back up crystalIRE
I'm new to this whole mom thing, and am not always sure I'm making the best choices. She better not get used to this though, I do plan to go back to work ASAP, then she's out of luck!
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
me too
I would have taken it in, but I would make sure too that it did not become a habit. she seems like she is a good kid so dont fret too much about it.
being a parent is HARD!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
I would have done the same thing...
Regardless of stepkids or biokids, kids are kids, and these things happen (especially if is something you know she had been working the entire week) just make sure like sarah said that it does not become a habit, but jesus christ I did that sooo many times when i was in high school, I would call my mom and ask her to bring me a homework ... I must admit it was a really bad habit... but talk to her and try to give her ideas of how to remember these things, like a big cardboard or something hanging on the wall of her room, with what she needs to take to school, or easily to leave everything ready the night before... It worked with me...
G
I would NOT have taken it in
I was in the same situation as you, we had custody of SD from ages 11 to 15. DH was off work for 18 months (very hard time). SD took advantage of that. She would leave assignments at home, then call him to bring them to her. They need to learn responsibility, and leaving one assignment home and getting the results of that lack of responsibility can teach them a valuable lesson.
When I was home on maternity leave with BD (now 5), SD tried the same thing. I told her she should consider her situation the same as "most" other kids, who have two parents working. No one is home to bail them out when they aren't responsible. You did happen to be there, but she can't rely on you.
I guess it was OK the one time (even I gave SD a couple of chances before I stopped bailing her out), but if it becomes a habit I think you'll have to rethink your stance.
Elizabeth she didn't ask me to though
I did this all on my own. I'm going to be more diligent about her from now on. FH and I talked about it last night, and her mom has always been all over her about doing her chores, and punishing her for the slightest infractions. As a result, SD has no time management skills. I don't and won't be that person, but to go from that to basically having 100% personal responsibility was probably a mistake. I am going to have to remind her about more things, and be more hands on (I say me b/c FH works 2 jobs, and I'm home all the time, plus I'm more organized) until she can take off the training wheels and do it on her own...
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
I think you did a good
I think you did a good thing. Most girls would completely freak out if they lost their phones but instead she understood what she did wrong and found an alternative. Is it possible that the time on her DS was not moved forward an hour? You might want to check that so that there are no more rushed mornings. It doesn't seem to be upsetting her too much to be getting up late the past 2 days so I would look past that fact and I would have done the same thing you did. It isn't like she is taking advantage of you, she probably really appreciated the fact you did that. In your situation it lets her know that you care about her. Just be careful that it doesn't become a habit where she chooses to not remember it. Remember she was in a hurry so it wasn't like she was being careless, this was a time where she may have truly forgotten it.
justbdais--that's exactly what happened
the clock needed to be reset. After the first time it happened I reminded her she had another clock in her room she could set, she just didn't do it. :S I have no doubt she did actually forget it, she IMed me from study hall to thank me for bringing it in, and thanked me again when she got home, expressing her frustration with herself over not getting up on time. She really is a good kid, I think we were just expecting too much too fast....
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
I would do it JUST THIS ONCE!
If she does it again let her take a ZERO.
I had a problem when in my 20's with running over deer with my car. In 18 months I hit 5 deer. My Dad gave me this advise. Once is unfortunate, twice maybe a coincidence, three times you have to ask what you are doing wrong!
With school there is not second chance so I would let her know that you dropper her paper off because you know how hard she worked on it and that the next time forgotten assignments will not be brought to the school.
Best regards,
thanks Rags
I think I need to make sure that the assignments she's doing actually make it into her bag. I'm frustrated with myself that i didn't look at this paper before it went out the door anyway (I've been working with her all week on it) so in part I blame myself, though then of course I wonder if I'm making too many excuses for her. *sigh the joys of being a psych major*
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
I would have taken a report in
i don't take in homework USUALLY. I drop it off at daycare so she has it the next day, that way she still feels the consequence at school. However, this was a report she worked on for a long time. And you right, she was already being punished.
But like Rags said--it can not be made a habit with SD thinking that you will bring her everything. Just this once is good advice.