If she has been so bad, just tell her, happy bday and maybe get her a card...

~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's

I shouldn't get started on this subject! It's a huge pet peeve of mine.

Birthday gifts are given by people who want to tell someone how much they appreciate that the person is in their life. It's a gesture to celebrate the day someone was born and we are thankful for that.

My step turds call prior to every "special occasion" to tell us what they want and from whom! It makes me sick. The first time it happened I was so stunned. Lazy Turd called and said since her Jr. high grad and birthday were coming up she wanted DH to tell Grandma that she wanted money instead of gifts so she could buy...of all things...a tennis ball machine! "I was born! Gimme something!" Pffft!

Gifts should not be expected or asked for. They should be deserved and appriciated! Arrrgh!

If she has been a PITA then get her a nice (blank) card and write:

"You have been a PITA but Happy Birthday anyway. Love Dad and Gremy"

As a kid she has the right to a roof over her head, food on the table and clothes on her back. All else is a privilege provided at the convenience and discretion of the parent.

The sooner kids have this clarity the sooner they tend to learn to step up.

My own parents tended to be pretty extravagant with the gifts if I(we) were delivering. If not, I(we) got nothing but a card.

Just my thoughts of course.

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications)

always asks for expensive gifts at holidays..(christmas/bday) I tell her..if your grades are good and your attitude is good you might get it..the closer to the holiday I continue to remind her "continue with that attitude and you won't get ______.

So far for two holidays now she hasn't gotten the celphone she wanted. I still get her other gifts..but nothing breaking the bank.

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

Gifts are NEVER a right.

"You never realize how short a month is until you pay child support"

We have to quit raising the entitlement generation kids who grow up to be "bailout" brats.

***We're too blessed to be stressed!***

On that subject... has anyone read "The Price of Privlege"?

It's called a gift, not payment.

We get my SKs a lot of B'day gifts for their birthdays; they get a huge chunk of our money for CS and their mom can give them a party if she wants to.

Absolutely not. You are not required to buy her anything.

The sd12 has told me that she doesn't want gifts from me. So 4 the SS16s bday I got him 365.00 in clothes from the mall & 4 sd12 her dad called her. Think she got the hint???lol!

are not a right! Kids expect the world to fawn over them and give them their every desire. That does not happen in our house. SD14 has been making a list of things she wants for her b-day next month. I haven't even looked at it. She'll get what she gets from us, which will be more than the NOTHING BM has gotten her the last 2 years. BM didn't even spend the full allotted amount of time on her b-day with SD14 last year. She dropped her off early. It's only 2 hours, could she not find something to do with her kid for 2 hours? come on!

DH always tells them "you can shit in one hand and want in the other and see which one fills up faster." odd saying, but they get the point. He also sings the Rolling Stones song "can't always get what you want" when they start whining about something.

~ Formerly ToTheEdge. I have stepped down from the ledge.

If they "want" something specific.... they can earn it. When I wanted a new 10speed bike when I was 13 the deal was when I had earned and saved half, Mom and Dad would kick in the other half.

That was a great bike. A top of the line Schwinn Continental (cool at the time). Then the craze went to BMX bikes and my buddies and I all got in to BMX. So I worked a deal with Dad. He bought my nearly new Continental, I earned the rest and bought the BMX bike. That too was a great bike. I had earned them.

I am a firm believer in the concept that solid performance and appropriate behavior directly influences the extravagance of a gift.

If my Skid will keep doing what he is doing as far as school and behavioral performance and ........ FIX HIS CHRONIC BULLSHITITIS then he will find the mother load when it comes to HS graduation gifts and support for college. If he drops the ball on school and behavior or does not fix his honesty problem then he will get a card (empty) with a sentiment and a hearty "Good Luck!"

"Do what I want you to do and you get what I want you to have. Don't do what I want you to do and you get SQUAT!" Manipulative I know but......... that is the way it is. Ironically, all I want is for him to learn how to make good decisions and to commit to himself that he will always do his best, learn from his mistakes and strive to continuously improve himself. If he learns that, he will always be able to reward himself in ever increasing ways. Far beyond any reward that I can provide for him.

Anyone who works for someone else knows that you are paid for doing what your employer asks of you. Kids need to learn that they can either do what others expect of them or they can start their own business and do what they want. However, most successful entrepreneurs learn early that to be a good leader/boss you have to know how to be a good follower/employee.

Thanks for tuning to Rags parental fantasy.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications)

My SD has a bday coming up shortly, and she won't be getting anything. This is the word from her BF because she saw fit to have one of her "episodes" that lasted two days. In the midst of it all, she decreed that I ( who pay for a LOT of her "extras") am a fat, ugly, lazy bitch, and that her father can "do better" which did not sit well with him. He informed Precious that since she can't show respect for the people who provide everything for her, she can't expect any bday either. We see signs of her trying to behave now, but we KNOW it's just manipulation, to try to have us "forget" that her bday is a non-event this year. As for me, I'll be saving money, since I'M the one who usually goes out and gets her a special cake, and I'M the one who usually finds the special gift, just from me, that I KNOW she wants. Not this year.

hang in there and don't let Miss Entitlement manipulate you - ever! Kindness, generosity, compassion, etc. is a two way street, unless and until I see signs of caring life from my SS 16, he gets nothing from me. No gifts, no laundry, no special dinners, no rides, no straight answers, no favors, no NOTHING.

***We're too blessed to be stressed!***

I just decided to revisit this old topic because it's been a year, and AGAIN my "darling" SD has begun one of her annual episodes. Happens every Bday and every Xmas. Told her father to F*** off, told him he was faking being ill, so he best "get off his lazy ass" and go pick her up from her sister's house... an hour away, and THEY were supposed to bring her home but changed her mind... left me a voice mail while I was at work, informing me that she had to be picked up, and that if she missed school, we'd be the ones paying the truancy fine, blah blah blah..... and tonight, she called his mother, her grandma, in another state, to "tell on him" and tried to convince her grandma that he was refusing to come get her. Not true, but on and on it goes... TWO years to go, and I swear... she is outta here. Thank goodness he's on the same page on that part. He is ready for her to turn 18 also. And just to be clear, it isn't ONLY Bdays and such that bring this on.. it's a LOT of the time. It's just that she ALWAYS pulls this at those times as well. Guess who isn't going to be doing any Bday shopping again this year ?