BF Wants to Terminate Parental Rights...Can he?
BF & I have been divorced since our child was 4 (Jenna) Jenna is now 13. Both of us have remarried. BF has 2 year old daughter with wife. BF has visitation (we have joint custody-I have physical) with Jenna every other weekend. He has met his obligation throughout the years (visitation, child support), however, never was one to ever go above & beyond. BF and I have never had good communication so I have dealt with his wife on any issues regarding my daughter (with exception of $$). No issues with wife, very kind and loves my daughter - which is all that mattered to me. Tension has been building over the last year or so. SM began developing attitude toward Jenna and vice versa. Jenna feeling like Dad is "on SM's side" all the time and she is out in the cold so to speak. SM is "always butting in" according to Jenna. Jenna has been wanting to spend less and less time at BF's home. Jenna over heard a conversation at BF's home that upset her (words like, "dad going to jail" and "dad going into hiding" were heard). Jenna & BF do not have a good relationship where she can speak openly to him. Therefore Jenna came home to me with worry and concern and informed me of what she over heard. Because I knew I would not get any info from BF, I phoned my ex-mother-in-law (her & I always had a great relationship). She told me the entire story which included BF NEVER speaking to his parents again. I approached SM on the subject (via email)and she turned on me like a viper and informed me her and BF would "no longer be excersising their visitation rights" because they are angry with Jenna because they feel they have to walk on egg shells when she is at their home (in fear she will repeat things to me). This mess has escalated into weekly couseling for my daughter to cope with this devistation, dropping grades and a whole bunch of anger being spewed at me in our home. BF informed Jenna she was not getting any X-mas gifts from him. He has stopped paying child support and there has been no communication between Jenna & BF. I'm at a loss....as much as I want him to revoke his rights, can he? I want him out of my daughters life because of the disruption and damage he has caused. Thoughts?
The only way a judge will
The only way a judge will let BF terminate his parental rights is if your new husband is willing to adopt her. At least that is how it is here in Illinois. You can take him to court for not paying the child support and asked for supervised visitation or should BF choose not to see her he should still be made to pay child support.
Not necessarily.
When I divorced my husband, he signed over his rights. There wasn't a new husband to adopt my child, either, at that time. So yes, it can be done and, if it's what everyone wants, then it's relatively simple. However, if you and he both want him to waive his rights, you have to remember that it means NO MORE CHILD SUPPORT. Ever.
I have to completely
I have to completely disagree with the "supervised" visitation bs. What gives cp the right to impose a "supervisor" on the ncp every time they don't like what the ncp is doing? Supervised visitation is for violent people who cannot be trusted not to harm or neglect the child. If you really want to condemn your child to a life without a father start by asking for supervised visitation. It is the first step to him giving up on the system. And it's just wrong to impose that on someone. It's DEGRADING and a vile thing to do.
Verbal Abuse is Still Abuse
Just because a child is not getting physically abused does not mean that there is no abuse occurring. In fact if you read ANY studies regarding abuse you will quickly come to realize that verbal abuse has a much deeper impact and causes more psychological damage. If a parent is not able to maturely talk with a child then there needs to be someone involved who can and does protect the child. We have far too many children in this country suffering from unnecessary trauma. My step-son is in counseling because his idiotic mother has said and says stuff like, "I wish to God you were never born." Yeah, that's a great way to make a kid feel like they can accomplish something with their life! And for the record, my step children have far more strict rules when they are with us than they do with their mother. They are not allowed to do or say anything they want, but they know they are loved and wanted when they are with us! Consequently even with the strict rules, they still want to live with us, but our jacked up court system still thinks they are better off with their recovering drug addict/alcoholic mother.
Yes I believe he can
What a JERK.. He is making the biggest mistake of his life. You know what she is 13, and these are the beginnings to some very trying years. I remember like it was yesterday that age. OMG your poor daughter. Well just be honest with her. Talk to his parents about them maintaining there relationship with her and stuff. He obviously has a hard time maintaining a relationship.. his parents.. WOW..
I think the only way you can help your daughter is to be completely open with her about her dad. Obviously you know things she does not concerning your relationship with him and stuff. She is old enough to appreciate your honesty. And although she is hurting now think about what he is going to feel in his elder years not being in her life. And trust me it will happen, may not but I think when he is older and she is older and out of her "teenage" years he will want another relationship with her because all the trying years are over. He is a selfish JERK who maybe should not have anymore children. That is just my take on things. Tell your daughter that she needs to be strong and have your husband form a bond with her. He can take over where that JERK is leaving off.
I feel for your daughter I do. I have been where she is but you know what it was for the best as I found out when I was 14. My dad left when I was like 5 or 6 and I never seen him again. And all thru out the years leading up to 14, every time I got angry at my mom I would say I am moving with my dad.. All I knew were the good things I remembered and some bad but not the real bad stuff. My mom finally got sick of hearing me tell her that. and told me that my dad is a "sexual predator" basically. he sexually molested two of my sisters. From that point on I never mentioned that again. My mom's honesty with me helped me out with that. Frankly it made me feel better after hearing that knowing that I was better off. Who knows how messed up I would be today if she would have stayed with him. he could have molested me and I was his bio daughter. I mean that is just sick.. SO just be honest with her completely and she will be ok.
Happy
awww
what an awful man- hope you daughter is ok - make him pay the child support - dont let him off that easy - and at your daughters age she can make her own decisions about if she sees him or not- and even if she doesn't want to see him- he still has to pay cs-
that will hurt the daughter even more...
if he gives up his parental rights, she will be hurt even more - hang in there, bf is going through a rough spot.
From the reading on FOC
From the reading on FOC issues and signing rights over, here in Michigan there has to be an adoption taking place in order for rights to be signed over.
Only you can decide what's best
I'm not sure what the laws are in the state where you live, but in Indiana, the father can give up total visitation rights. However, he will have to pay more in child support. Bravo to you for trying to ensure that your daughter's psychological needs are protected. I certainly would not push the BF to exercise his visitation right, so if you do take him to court you can show a pattern of neglect. Also, the less your daughter is around a toxic person like he seems to be, the less damage she will have to endure.
My heart aches for your daughter and if you need to vent I am certainly open to listen.
I think at this age(my SD is
I think at this age(my SD is now 15, but this was around the time it began) there seems to be a strange change in father/daughter relationships- no longer is there a cute baby girl that only loves daddy- now she's beginning to grow and like boys and have the changes to back it all up- I have seen this "bump" between my DH and SD, I have seen it with other children and their parents as well.
It's got to be both parties re-working the relationship and alot of fathers just don't have a clue how to handle it, and communication doesn't seem to be a teenage mastered thing so I think the counseling is awesome of you to do, and maybe give the ncp some time to try to work through it unless he brings up termination to you as it might have been said in the heat of the moment or by his wife.
I think to terminate his rights he needs your permission- lord knows how many more absolute deadbeat parents would just terminate rather than atleast pay for their child?
There is no reason where logic does not exist
Giving up parental rights
In some cases the judge will strip their rights, other cases their has to be another parent to adopt the child, and in other cases you have to prove the father to be unfit which is hard to do.
In your case, I don't think its appropriate. It sounds like a bump in the road to me. Since the father has stopped taking his visitation, then I really don't see what the problem is.
IMO I think him giving up his rights will open up another can of worms, in another words its not going to make anything easier for you or especially your daughter.