i am the SM of a 3 y/o boy. My husband left his ex (never married-- he never wanted to marry her-- but together for 4 yrs) for me, so needless to say she is bitter. Its been about 2 yrs since weve been together, and have been married for a yr. We have a 10 month old girl (yes, it all happened so fast) who loves her step brother. We used to have SS half the week every week, eventhough my husband only have CO custody every other weekend and 2 hrs every thursday. The BM was usually ok with us taking him cuz shes never home, shes either working or out with friends (or flunking out of college that she claimed was the reason she was never with her son- we found out on our own she got kicked out of school). Anyway, she has always had hatred toward me, and all honesty, I wouldnt blame her if I were in her situation because it muct be tragic to lose someone you thought would be there for you and see him create a family and everything you wanted with someone else. She is obviously still bitter because she still brings them up in the past as being together, and how itd be now if they were together. Anyhow-- recently she got into an argument with me because I answered my husbands phone, which i NEVER do, but she had her brother in law call my hubby and tell him to drop off my stepson with him and kind of said it harshly (he sounded drunk in the msg). I didnt feel it right that she have other people call him. So I answered his phone. I wasnt rude to her. I just told her we would drop off adam later than usual (because we waited for her to get home for about an hr outside her house). She threw a fit, and hung up. I thought it ended there.
We go to drop off SS, and she is waiting outside the house screaming at me to get out of to car 'so we can settle this.' with my ss seeing everything thru the balcony... I told her i wasnt there to do that. Outta nowhere her brother in law comes from behind my car and tried to pull me out. of couse i freaked out, and screamed at him, and he let me go. we left. and i called the police and made a report. This was a few months ago. Recently. we went to drop off my step son after having him a bit over a week because my husband was starting school and needed to be up early. well she lied to us about being at work, when we went to go look for her her work was closed(she said she got out at 8, we went by at 6 and there was no cars in the lot). We then went to her house. no one was home. suddenly she calls saying shes an hour away and cant get him that day. So we call the police to make a report of this, saying she didnt want to take him back. We honestly dont mind having him, but she NEVER has him. if we dont have him, her mom does. And she gets child support for it, along with medicaid/food stamps/ housing... shes one of those... and she never has him. My husband even takes him to work on days that she refuses to answer her phone because he cant just dump him anywhere. and her life is too busy to include her son in it. Anyhow, we filed a report stating that we were trying to drop him off and she wasnt there. She sent her friend to "check" if we were bluffing, and after the cops leave, her friend shows up and tells us how "not cool" it was that we called the cops. Now, shes going by court papers, which means we see him less, and hes in daycare, at his grandmas and speech therapy more. We were trying to prepare to go for custody. We have references from his daycare, his speech therapist(we enrolled him when he wouldnt speak at all, still really doesnt), and of course our police reports as proof for when hav ethe means to go to court. We also have pics of every single time we have had him, and where we have taken him( i am putting a dated album together). My question is... would it be better for us to go for ful custody or a cahnge of custody agreement to get more time? its not really about the money, but we dont think its fair she gets money every month that she claims goes to his daycare and diapers, and when we go to his daycare theyre telling us shes late on his payments, and when we get him from his grandma she tells us hes out of diapers cause she forgot to buy him some. Also, I guess this is my biggest underlying issue.... my husband is very "docile" for lack of a better word. he would never tell her anything, and even go fix her car and move furniture in her house until I put a stop to it and told him he wasnt her husband, he was mine... he never tells her what her son needs, and we always get complaints on his behavior from his daycare after she drops him off because he gets very angry after being with her for some reason. Im the one that pushes him to tell her to step up and care for him more. but now, seeing as how weve kind of lost the luxury of having him half the week at least, i feel like its my fault that i pushed him to trigger her to get angrier. I really have no animosity toward her other than the fact that she ignores Adam as much as she does. I have a daughter, and I feel like shes mistreating my kid when she sends him to us dirty in shoes that hardly fit him. Anyway, I feel like I am responsible for us losing as much visitation with him. But at the same time, its not fair that we have to pick up all of her slack when shes the BM and is getting all these benefits from it. Help?