HELP!!! with future stepdaughters
I am not sure how to deal with all my emotions and I feel it coming inbetween my future husband and myself, One of the twin 22 yr old daughters I have told until an apology from her she is no longer welcome in my house. The other twin has been here and on a norm can behave ok.... Recently we pulled up to meet them at a store and The one said Thanks for the warning... that is because i was there such a warm greeting!! They feel I am not family and I should not be where they do not want me to be.Everything is just hand out car insurance paid on a truck they did not buy phones paid, they graduated from college this summer and do not want to live at home but still do not want to be responsible!! My two are still in college. work and school pay their car insurance my son also has a car payment that he pays. I feel like it is a never ending battle, How do I make him understand, I have asked how he would feel if my children were so rude to him. He says they are not bad all the time, seems every family function digs are made or dirty looks are given. Then they get their mom to chime in, So I sent out a email said we would not accept her phone calls anymore as they have adult children so unless someone is seriously hurt voicemail it would be!!!They have been divorced for like 8 years and we have been together for 3, I feel like I was the other woman which was not the case. If we have plans and the girls call our plans will change. So with all this nothing gets resolved I hear let them calm down or they are cranky ....or tired...please 22 year old brats!!!!! my niece is 11 and she is more mature. I feel the need to set everyone down and he needs to lay some ground rules. Maybe I am crazy.....any ideas would be wonderful. I love him dearly but I can not stomach all of this.
"No one can make you feel
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
NIP THIS IN THE BUD
NIP THIS IN THE BUD NOW!!!
Sorry, it's been so long since I've posted on here, things have changed!!
First of all, I feel your pain. This site saved my life with my three adult Ds who, like your two used to "run the show". It was a constant battle between them and me. When they wanted "daddy", I was supposed to just move out of the way and find something to do.
Like you, I felt the same way. My 12 year old D(at the time) was more mature. These are ADULTS!!
You MUST LAY DOWN THE LAW and set boundaries. I mean MUST.
I'm SOOOOO glad you wrote FUTURE HUSBAND, because you have LOTS OF LEVERAGE right now. Once you get married, you can expect more of the same you have right now.
YOU and FH are the couple. YOU AND FH make the decisions. Your adult SDs and their mother have NO SAY in WHAT DECISIONS YOU TWO MAKE, and as long as he lets them know they CAN interfere, they WILL.
I suggest you tell FH that you are at your WIT'S END with all this confusion and, unless there are BOUNDARIES...they come to RESPECT (I did not say LIKE you, but treat you as his PARTNER) YOU and YOUR RELATIONSHIP, you are taking a break from it until things change.
AND MEAN IT. The best thing I did before we married WAS TO GIVE HIM BACK HIS RING and tell him that I DO NOT answer to his "children" (25, 24, and 21 at the time). He was MISERABLE and they SAW IT. I did not take their calls, I had nothing to do with any of them.
Things changed a LOT for the better when they all realized that I MEANT IT and I would walk. But things got EVEN BETTER when I joined THIS SITE and learned from all the others who have been in the trenches that life does NOT HAVE TO BE THIS HARD. YOU HAVE THE POWER to take your life back.
Right now, you are watching your life go by as his Ds and their mother call the shots.....and he lets them. STOP IT NOW and have the relationship you DESERVE. You don't have to yell, scream or be "mean". Just tell him (not "them", but HIM) that enough is enough. You choose to have a relationship with HIM, that you understand that his children are part of his life, but YOU are his LIFE PARTNER now.
Once you MEAN BUSINESS, I predict you will see GREAT results and will be much happier. Hugs, girlfriend!!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt