Attention: Those who have been cheated on...
I am writing to get advise from any women out there who have been cheated on..physically or emotionally. I have a suspision that I'm about to be cheated on..I've noticed my bf goes on online dating/networking sites and have been looking people's profiles and getting matches. I'm not sure what to do and if you've been keeping up with my blogs and other forum topics...it's actually amazing that I'm still with him. my friends and family think i'm nuts because i'm with him after everything hes put me thru..quick little recap...he used to be a drug user/dealer, has a son with an ex, terrible with money, lied to me about dealing drugs after quitting, all his friends are dealers, smokers, heavy drinkers, on welfare, i've found explicit pics/videos on his computer, etc. i do alot for him..and if anyone's read the book "why men love bitches"..it really gives u an insight as to how men really want to be treated. i think as women we naturally want to support and cater to our DHs but as is the case with me, there comes a time when they start to take you for granted and just expect stuff to be done for them and not reciprocate or appreciate. anyone know what i'm dealing with here and can help me out? thanks a bunch ladies!
My ex cheated...repeatedly.
My ex cheated...repeatedly. I gave him too many years and kept leaving,then going back over and over. He is currently divorcing his 3rd wife due to his cheating problem...he'll never change. It started with viewing things online from other women...
If he's being this way now...it's only going to escalate to something worse. You can't change him and you can't fix him.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
Emmalee05 he sounds like a
Emmalee05 he sounds like a real piece of work. The question here is why don't you love yourself enough to know that you deserve better than that?
I'd get out and get out fast.
yes i definately need a plan
yes i definately need a plan because i moved out of my parent's house to move out of town to be with my BF just a couple months ago...
Can you go back to your
Can you go back to your parents house? I would assume that if they knew how BF was treating you they'd send you the money to come back home.
Never, ever let a man make you feel stuck EmmaLee. Your life is yours to do with it whatever you wish, and as a woman who let herself be emotionally & mentally abused by an SOB ex husband, I can tell you that nothing in the world will feel like the relief you'll feel once you've made the decision to take control of YOUR destiny.
Best Wishes...
yes i can go back to my
yes i can go back to my parents house...and they dont know any of this is going on and i don't really want them to know either...the thing is my job..i'd have to quit if im leaving town and i don't want to but i can't support myself completely yet. thanks for your advice...its just a horrible situation im in..and you've been there so you know..thanks
Ok so onto back up plan #2,
Ok so onto back up plan #2, start your Survival Plan of Action immediately. Save every penny you can, I don't know what type of work you do but see if maybe they can relocate you, or atleast offer you a position elsewhere. Also, start doing real estate searches so you can see what you can actually afford once you are able to leave.
Whatever you do, don't stay with someone that will be as ballsy as to search for another woman online while living in the same house with you. That's so mean and inconsiderate, I really wish you well. No woman deserves that.
thanks ladies...by the way i
thanks ladies...by the way i haven't confronted him about this..should i? the thing is everything i get mad at him about he doesn't know...because i find out about them..so obviously he's keeping stuff from me..i just don't know why he has to keep it from me...is this lying?
I think that even surfing
I think that even surfing those sites and allowing matches is cheating. It's also fraud to the women, unless he admits in his profile he's married. And any site that would allow a person to list their status as married is not a reputable dating site, but an affair site.
I think he's already crossed the line and I would have no faith in him. Add to that the other info you provided, and I think you need to run and fast. I would not confront him as to why. I would pack and quietly go so he wouldn't have the chance to try to sway me.
Good luck and Godspeed.
"Parental love is unconditional, relationships are reciprocal." ~Zen
I wouldn't. I used to snoop.
I wouldn't.
I used to snoop. I did. And I found ex cheating and lying. So I confronted.... "I'm sorry baby, it'll never happen again. I love you"
Then I found evidence it happened again. So I confronted.... "I'm sorry baby, it'll never happen again. I love you"
Then I found evidence it happened again. So I confronted.... "I'm sorry baby, it'll never happen again. I love you"
Then I found evidence it happened again. So I confronted.... "I'm sorry baby, it'll never happen again. I love you"
etc, etc.
The things I learned were -
~ If you feel you need to snoop, you need to leave.
~ If you find something impossible to refute (ie - Texts with an old gf, emails with his "best friend" who happens to be a hot chick telling him about her erogenous zones, etc) then you leave. No confrontation, no explanation.
~ If you find yourself listening to an explanation/apology more than 1x for the same type behavior? It is time to go.
I say pack and leave while he's sleeping/at the store/at his friends/at work.
If possible, do it on his birthday. Or Christmas.
He sucks.
wow squil thats come good
wow squil thats come good advice...i almost laughed in light of the situation. thanks. what if i've never confronted him about it before? any of this..its been building up in my head now so i have to do something. shouldn't i give him one chance to redeem himself? you are totally dead on with "If you feel you need to snoop, you need to leave"
why is it that us women are so good at snooping and men are so bad at covering their own asses...
You know in your heart what
You know in your heart what is right, Emma. Your head is trying to reason out of it to keep you from dealing with the hurt of the breakup. But you know... your gut knows, he is no good.
Not just the cheating but the other stuff... you can't hook yourself to this man. He will only bring you down.
I know..but I don't know if
I know..but I don't know if I can deal with a breakup..i've got so much vested in it..a house for example..
It will end, Emma. Your
It will end, Emma. Your choices are being somehow okay with him lying to you, seeing other women, and doing illegal drugs or breaking up.
There are other houses.
I once left a boyfriend in an apartment full of furniture that *I* paid for. I started with nothing... just to get out.
I'm sorry you're going through this... it sucks, I know. But he will not change. The decision is yours to choose between being temporarily in pain (breakup) or being continuously hurt by someone incapable of love.
Emma, there are only two
Emma, there are only two choices; it either ends now, or it ends later. The longer you stay, the more you will have invested. And the longer you stay, the less of your self-esteem you will have to help you get through it.
Honestly, Squillion is right. It will end. The question is, will you be the one to end it (and therefore do it on your terms), or will you let him end it by taking you down with him and ruining your life?
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
The thing is..I've been sort
The thing is..I've been sort of planning already.nothing set in stone but I think he can tell somethings up and if it takes me a while longer to plan things he will suspect things are going on and will want to talk about it..where he will give me more lies..
Please please get out before
Please please get out before you waste anouther minute with this guy! Read my posts I wasted 7+ years with my husband only to have him leave me for a younger co-worker. I helped him financially,took care of his son like my own and delt with his crazy controlling ex only to have him cheat on me in the end. His life was a mess for 7 years and I stood by him BUT as soon as things started looking up(financially and with the exwife) he stood me up.
I think that it all depends
I think that it all depends on if you want to save things to mention it or not. If you don't see saving things, as if there are other issues, then just leave. I was married to a cheater, and I tried for 2 years to save things. There were other things though, worse than cheating. I did not want to divorce because of my children though.
I am glad I left
My kids are happy too, they don't know the exact reason for my divorce, but they know I don't get a long with ex and his family very well.
They will see his bad behavior in the future and know why I left. I am so much happier.
Good luck to you!!
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
Argh, I've started writing a
Argh, I've started writing a letter to BF. I cried this morning after finding that he's been trying to get matched to more girls. And these girls live all over the world and some locally (that's what I'm scared of). So I honestly don't understand it. We need to have a long talk in the letter I say "I need you to seriously reconsider having a future with me" I know to some of you I need to just get out, not say anything. But I really do care about him. Even after all the crap. I don't know why. I just do and can't just pick up and leave, although I wish I had the guts to. I'm really upset.
well they always want what
well they always want what they can't have right?? so messed up..
Okay my first husband
Okay my first husband cheated on me after only 3 mos of marriage. We were together for almost 9 yrs and than this. (now glad it happened) We owed a house together, cars, credit cards, investments, etc. I asked him to move out and I couldnt do it on my own. So I decided we needed to sell everything and split the debt and I moved home to my mothers. Most family will understand this hard time and will pull together lots of support. It was a mess to sort out and many tears of frustration and anger came after the decision to end the marriage. But I wanted someone who wanted me back and wanted to put the effort I deserved into the relationship. AS hard as the first step was, I look back and it was the BEST decision I ever made. I am now happily married to a MAN who loves me and treats me with respect.
Good luck chick!
I don't think I want to go
I don't think I want to go back to my parents' place when I do leave him. So I will need to find a place to stay before I leave. I was thinking the only 2 good things about this is that we're not married or have any kids together..Thank God! haha
So today we went to BF's
So today we went to BF's parents house and they pretty much were on us right from when we got there about when we are getting married, since we moved in together 2 months ago. I really didn't even know what to say. His parents don't know anything about what Bf's been up to. They think he's done with his past stuff. Of course I couldn't say anything to them especially since I haven't even confronted BF about it.