So I'll give a little background before I get started. I am a 32yr old father of a ss11 and a bd2. My SO and I are not married because she is a status native and had we gotten married our daughter would have been denied her ancestral rights because I am white. We were friends for a number of years and in an on and off relationship for years. I have been employed in the heavy oil industry since I was 16 years old, and came from a very old fashioned military family. Until I left my parents home I lived a very strict and disciplined life. If you screwed up you knew it, and if you screwed up bad, sitting alone in your room contemplating what my father was going to choose as punishment was murder. While my father did use corporal punishment like a sargeant (which he was for 28 years of his military career) it was not the first and only punishment method. My wife and I agree that corporal punishment has NO place in our home, but in the last little while I've truly been concerned about the lack of any kind of discipline.

SS11 lives 1 week with us and 1 week with BD and grandma. I just start getting results on behavior and ss goes back to dads and we start over next week. I say I because my wife does not discipline him at all, and when I do it's because I believe strongly enough to endure the fight.

SS11 can do no wrong, and it is becoming increasingly apparent to him that with a little waterworks and a sniffle or two he can induce a fight. I wind up being the "AH" (take that as awful husband or the meaning I intended, your choice) for enforcing any type of discipline. In DW's opinion no discipline works so we use none. Her constant reply is "I hated when my father made me do chores, I had no childhood. I won't do that to my kids". My BD is still too young to understand, but she actually does more household chores in a day than SS11. My 2 year old knows you don't leave your dirty clothes on the floor, SS11 either doesn't understand or doesn't care. That list could go on and on.

I have no idea how to even approach my wife any more, my SS lies to my face (even if I stand there and watch him break a rule), takes no responsiblity for the inconvieniences he causes (dirty laundry on the bathroom floor, dirty dishes laying around, the kid won't even wipe up a spill if he knocks over his water), and my wife sees this as ok, and constantly goes behind him cleaning up (with my bd in tow happily helping out as she goes). I try and explain that even at 2 bd knows the limits because they never change, what is wrong today, is wrong tomorrow, etc.

SS11 has a chore list, that I may add does not get done at all unless someone nags him to insensiblity, and DW still expects me to "pay his salary" in my eyes, because if he doesn't get his allowance I hate him because he isn't mine. It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that the child didn't do anything to earn it. I love my SS, and I love my wife and daughter, but I'm beginning to feel some very strong urges to leave. I can't sit and play a video game or I am ignoring the family, I can't go for an evening beer with my brother and the boys or I am ignoring the family.

I worked heavy oil from 16 until last february when the recession had began and after oil prices dropped drastically. I supported DW through an unworking bedrested pregnancy, crippling post partum depression that kept her from working. When I lost my job in february, she told me she'd rather see us on the street than go back to work, because I assume after being home medically for so long that she was entitled to stay home for the rest of their childhood, not because of anything we discussed about her not having an income, she stopped making it because she had to or risk damage to our daughter, and I sacrificed and worked 16 hours a day, I'd leave at 4am in the crewtruck and get home at 8-10pm this went on until I lost my job.

It seems in my home that the only time anyone wants to listen to something I have to say is when they stand to gain, when sacrifice becomes and issue it is my department. Nobody else seems to agree with my sumation that says we all have to gain and sacrifice for each other or we are not a family. I want to explain to my wife that I'm not a gravy train, but my biggest worry is that I fought so hard for my daughters status rights, that if I leave now no court in the country is going to risk awarding custody of an aboriginal child to the white parent when the aboriginal parent is not unfit.

I do not want to lose my daughter but things have to change. I was hoping someone might have some strategies I can use to try and get across that we need to be on the same page or our kids will tear us apart. Human nature will make them understand that if they can benefit from our fight ie: get their own way because we don't agree, not only will SS11 continue to exploit it, but bd2 is inevitably going to learn it. And of all things I don't want that beautiful, intelligent and caring little girl to lose that desire to help the people around her.

I am willing to sacrifice, but not if it means the loss of my identity or my daughter.