does this sound familiar to anyone and how did you handle it?
this was the conversation last night at our house
me: so we need to address this video game problem with ss16. his progress report says he's been late for school 8 times (because he cant get up in the morning), and he's def NOT going to bed at the 10pm bedtime we gave him.
dh: just tell him to go to bed, if he's up after 10p
me: i've told him a million times. he might say he's going, but then i find him posting videos and the like on facebook at 3am, then he misses school the next day and youre shocked he has all c's and d's on his report card.
dh: if youre too hard on him, he really wont listen then.
me: i'm not seeing how i'm being too hard. if youre not going to do anything about it, i'm going to tell him the next time he's up after 10p on a school night, i'm going to take his computer away.
dh: now youre just being mean
me: i really dont understand you at all. this disengaging thing might have to be a solution for me, then. if you dont care about parenting him, why should i?
dh: i care, youre just mad that i do things differently as a parent.
me: no, i'm mad that you dont do anything at all! a 16 year old should have a bedtime, a job, friends, and a life. this kid does nothing but play video games/computer games day in and day out. he doesnt even eat (he's 6'1, 120 lbs)-this is a huge problem!
dh: it sounds like youre the one with the problem.
me: uh, what??
LOL- Stepmadness, that is my
LOL- Stepmadness, that is my style...
A: At 2 am, (i've been thru this before), walk out back or wherever and totally disconnect the entire problem and claim the bill was not paid. Better yet, wait for him to go to schoool and do it?
B:Hack into his FB account- JK JK
It's as if their world has
It's as if their world has ended....lol
*gasp*
Take away the computer.
Take away the computer. Easy. Someone needs to be the bad guy here and we are the evil stepmoms anyway - I say go with that and solve the problem. Good luck.
Me, i would basically tell
Me, i would basically tell my dh, you will pay for the internet entirely, i'm not walking him up anymore, you will go see the principle and his teachers from now on.
THen , i would cancel the internet and let your dh connect it again.
And while your ss is at school, it wouldn't hurt to destroy a few wires...inconspicuously....maybe burn one or two.
If i had that conversation with my dh i would tell him straight out...tell your son get a job, or you are both out.
can I ask you Jen a
can I ask you Jen a question? why do you care? why are you making more of an effort then your husband? He is your SS right? NOT YOUR PROBLEM...if the kid fails..then he fails school then he will learn and be ridiculed for being held back a year. This is one mistake some step moms make..they take on the responsibility 100% of these skids...THEY ARE NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY...YOUR HUSBAND AND HIS EX DID NOT ASK FOR YOUR HELP WHEN THEY MADE THE KID..THEY SURE AS HELL BETTER NOT BE ASKING FOR YOUR HELP NOW. Change your tune and completely have the attitude that you don't care..watch how your husband will respond..turn the table on him. He obviously doesn't care about his own son..why should you. Let it go and "walk away"..not your problem.
" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore
I agree with Purpleflower09
I agree with Purpleflower09 not your kid not your problem. Walk away from the bullshit. I know you care about the kid and his grades but apparently DH isn't all that concerned.. I wouldn't even stress over it anymore. Screw it, his kid his problem!
My stepson is flunking and up texting and playing video games too. Everytime I say something about his grades I get the brush off!
So whatever not my kid!
"And this too shall pass..."
The only problem with this
The only problem with this is it sounds like Jen is the custodial stepmom. If that is the case and she disengages and doesn't care what this kid turns out to be, he'll be 30 and still living in their house.
thanks everyone. i AM the
thanks everyone. i AM the custodial stepmom, bm lives 5 hours away and never sees ss16, nor does she care what happens to him. dh has full custody, therefore, he's in our house full time. i struggle with this issue a lot because a)i really dont want the kid to fail, b) it frustrates me that dh doesnt seem to care (i know he does, but i do believe that its a "ss16 doesnt cause as many problems as sd19 did so leave him alone" thing, c)ss16 is being manipulative to both myself and dh, and if i had my own child, i wouldnt stand for that, and d)he IS going to wind up living in our basement until he's 30. i read the first couple of comments and thought to myself "hell yes, i would love to cut off that computer when he stays up all night long and then lies about it". dh would flip out, tho, and here is the dilemma-if he doesnt care, why should i? youre right, not my kid, not my problem, but he lives here and will probably continue to live here forever, if he stays on the same path. i believe thats doing a grave disservice to this kid in raising him. its not right. i think in a way dh would be happy if i disengaged because i would get off his ass regarding ss's school, staying up late, etc. but he honestly thinks he's doing a good job of raising him, and i disagree. for god sakes the kid sleeps in the same clothes he wears to school day in and day out-i started asking dh why he hasnt bought the kid any pajamas (that fit him) recently and he said "he hasnt asked". thats dh's way of dealing with things, if he doesnt see a problem, he doesnt do anything. if ss16 asks for a computer game, he buys it. but seeing the kid in filthy clothes-that doesnt ring any bells for him. i went and bought him sets of new pajamas and dh's response was "cool, thanks". so where is the line drawn for raising a kid to be self-sufficient, happy and well-cared for, vs disengaging knowing that dh wont step up because he doesnt see anything wrong?
update: since i wrote this, dh and i talked about it, and a lot of other things too. we decided to have a family meeting about it, to address my growing resentment towards ss16 and my involvement as a sm, how to set up more of a structure and consequences situation, and to simply allow to ss16 to voice an opinion as well. dh admitted that he simply forgets to address things with ss16, a large part due to us having our own business and being so busy but now that thats over with, this is a good time to step up and make some plans and some changes. i admitted some insecurities on my part, namely that ss16 and sd19 are still very close (even tho sd19 is out of state) and that since sd19 hates me, i dont try as hard to get close to ss16, and also that i dont think its fair for me to step up all the time, and get resentment because i'm trying to create some structure in the house, and dh just guilt parents his way through it. we actually really listened to each other....i felt a lot better. so its out in the open right now and we're going to try this family meeting when ss16 gets home from school today.