Household Expenses
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Just curious. My OH and I are in the middle of an argument over money. I'll not go in to all the ins and outs of it but I just wondered what way everyone else worked their monthly expenses?
We're not married but my other halfs 16 year old daughter lives with us.
We both currently pay the same amount into a household account which covers, mortgage, bills, food etc.
I've thought for a long time that it isn't fair - me paying the same as my OH as the daughter isn't my responsibility. Just wondered am I being unfair?
Any thoughts and suggestions much appreciated.
My DH and I pay half each on
My DH and I pay half each on mortgage, car insurance, water/electric, cell phones and cable and internet. He pays for anything that has to do with SS and groceries. I used to contribute money to SS like I was his BM, but then I disengaged and stopped. DH is actually helping to pay my bills now too because he realized it wasn't fair. And to top it off, BM doesn't pay child support (she has here recently because we are going through contempt hearings). Even if SS didn't live with us, I would still have to pay half.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
This is a sticky one cause
This is a sticky one cause if you aren't willing to marginally help support his daughter then why would he be with someone like that? That's not family-like. (in his mind)
Technically you are right I think, BUT what do you want for the future?
After my last relationship (co-hab- not married) prior to hubby I took a lot time assessing why things went bad. Part of it was the fact that there were aspects of our lives that were not connected like in a marriage. The when reading (and don't laugh) Dr. Laura's book "10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives" it really clicked and made sense. I'm not a huge fan of Dr. Laura but I CAN admit that her book had a practical, no nonsense approach to women acting against their own best interests.
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards
Thanks for all the comments
Thanks for all the comments guys. Can I firstly point out that I'm a BLOKE!!!!
The problem comes from my other half and her daughter. I can see some of your points and I understand that when you are with someone you should be willing to pay towards joint keep. I'm more than happy to contribute but should I be paying the same? If the position was reversed and I had my two children living with us would my OH be happy splitting everything 50/50? I don't think so. Then why can't she see it from my point of view?
This all came to a head because she wanted to charge me £40 to use a holiday apartment that she bought before we got together!!! I then thought to myself.. hang on a second, I've paid nearly £6,000 towards her daughters keep over the past 3 years and you want to charge me £40 for a weeks rent!!!!
She has now thrown the head up and says that she will pay two thirds of everything for now.... but she can't afford to do that so she wants to sell our house and she'll buy a smaller one of her own and I can live with her and pay her rent!!!
To me that is a step backwards... I suggested that she pays slightly more each month and I pay slightly less that way I don't feel that I'm getting taken advantage of. She won't have it though... Stubborn as a mule...
Feel like just telling her to go and be done with it all, problem is that I love her and would miss her... Shes just too independent sometimes for her own good.
"I suggested that she pays
"I suggested that she pays slightly more each month and I pay slightly less that way I don't feel that I'm getting taken advantage of. "
That is the problem....you feel like you're taken advantage of. If you didn't you'd be happy to contribute as much as you can. Resentment is a definite relationship killer.
How would you ideally breakdown the expenses in your home?
DH and I have our paychecks
DH and I have our paychecks go into one account and he pays all the bills from there. I kept my savings and money I had before we married separate though we do dip into it for "agreed upon" things that will benefit us both such as IVF procedures. DH makes more $ than I do and it doesn't bother him one bit that he is paying the majority of the bills (though I do make enough to cover my personal expenditures and still cover my half of almost everything). Before we got married, I paid more of the bills even though he had his daughter because he was giving most of his $ to Wingnut. I figure it is balances itself out over time. He pays more $ now, but I get to put up with his baggage.
I see your point though, you're paying more than your share and putting up with the baggage. I think your OH is a shit for wanting you to pay rent for the apartment. Is that what is really driving your resentment here? That she takes advantage of you monthly but expects you to buck up for your personal needs? I would NEVER let her buy a house and pay her rent for the privilege of sharing her home with her. Then she can boot your ass out whenever she wants and she keeps the equity in the house that you've contributed to building. NOSIREE. Can't you compromise - pay half of the big things mortgage / utilities etc that wouldn't really change much with or without SD but have her contribute a little more for SD personal things (toiletries, gifts, etc.)?
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
My husband and I have a
My husband and I have a joint account. We each have a weekly allowance, and any money we earn on the side (he works on houses PT, I have babysit, etc) is ours to keep minus 20% to put away in savings. His C/S is only 100 dollars (pretty even custody split) so that doesn't bother me coming out of our account. I really don't have an issue helping take care of SD, it's no big deal to me. Plus, only the necessities come out of the joint account. If he wants to buy her something extra (like a new DS game and it's not a holiday), he pays for it out of his weekly stipend.
I make about 2x as much as my husband does, and I pay for all medical, dental, vision, etc for all 3 of us from my employer as well. But I don't feel taken advantage of, because I feel like we are a team. If we are broke, we are broke together. If we have money, we have money together.
If he was unappreciative tho, it might bother me. But he is not.
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~