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I rarely talk to BM. We have maybe had 4 phone conversations in the past about varying things, but the convos were NECESSARY because of whatever was going on. BM and I used to absolutely hate each other because of how she treated me in the beginning, and she admits that. We had contact at that time because my DH lived with his mother during the first couple years of us dating, and I would be there when she would pick up/drop off whatever. Also, she used to live in an apartment literally next door to his sister, and we ran into each other all the time like that.

In our old town homes, we had a house phone that she had the number to, so I would answer sometimes.

She also works at a gas station in my neighborhood. Hey, gotta fill er up.

She used to have my cell phone number but I stopped that after she called me to complain about DH more than once. Yeah, like I am gonna agree with you.

I never call her about any arrangements, custody issues, etc, that's DH's deal. I will tell him to remind her about things she needs to know, and she will ask him to ask me to do SD's hair for her if she is going to pick her up and go somewhere.

We see each other at sporting events or what not, but rarely utter a word to each other or even say hi. I don't hate her anymore, just don't tolerate her BS.

IDK, it's just a weird situation.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

She doesn't speak, email call me at all.

One time she called the house phone and I answered and she asked DH
"Why is that bitch answering the phone?" :jawdrop:

Another time she called looking for her kids (they are 15 and 17 years old and boys) "She screamed "I wanna know where my kids are?"
I told her "Not my kids not my problem and hung up!"

So NO we do not communicate AT ALL! Fuck her I don't need the stress!

BM at all and v

"And this too shall pass..."

I always seem to be communicating with BM and I'm trying like hell to lessen it. Part of it is I think my job. I'm a teacher so I'm off by 3 pm., so I'm the one at home when SD comes home or when BM comes to pick her up. A lot of the times I try to just stay downstairs so I don't have to see her, but inevitably sometimes I am on the main floor when she shows up or SD needs me to help her find something or whatever it is that causes me to have a run in with the BM. I also never want to answer my phone when BM calls, but often it's SD and I feel bad not answering. If SD is there I hand her my cell phone to answer it herself, but if SD is with her mom I hate for her not to be able to get a hold of me if she needed me.

The problem here is that BM sees no issue with contacting me about game times or school issues or whatever. Somehow, despite the fact that she's intent on asserting herself as "the mom" and appearing to be at least somewhat threatened by me, she seems to have no problem relying on me to keep her in the loop and her daughter on the ball. It drives me nuts and I'm making a conscious effort to lessen my contact with her. Trust me, I'm much rather not have to see or talk her. Ever.

We are down to email only. ( unless it is a 911 with ss5)

BM for MONTHS rang the phone off the hook, emailed every damn day, called my dh at the office...you get the picture.
I said, "Hell No" about all of it because I had my bags packed and ready. That put a stop to it. The woman is crazy and never has called me directly, emailed, not even a "hello." She hates my guts. (waah)

I have zero desire to communicate with her, and never even thought about stepping in her door. (not once) I expect the same treatment in return.

DH tries to pick-up ss5 quickly in the Publix parking lot......DH: " I got to run..."

Yes indeed, let it go to voice mail so you will know if it is a casual "call" or a 911 issue....

For a while and depending on my mood these days, I didn't and don't answer the phone when she calls and SS isn't there. If SS is there when she calls, I give him the phone. I try to talk to her as little as possible. Her voice is really annoying. She sounds like a little girl and then half the time, she sounds like she's either dying or just woke up on the voicemails she sometimes leaves. She mostly calls FH's cell (which I don't like) to talk to SS. She does have the home number and SOMETIMES calls it. She's only called me 4 times maybe. Once when she couldn't get a hold of FH (and I was there with FH and we were....BUSY), the other times to actually be nice and thank me for something I'd done. I don't like talking to her though. I prefer and have encouraged FH to use email that way, she can't INTERRUPT when trying to get a point across. I have emailed her on upcoming scheduling issues etc. but I copy FH and clearly state that THEY need to figure it out. I do it to help FH who is really busy these days running his small business. Most of the time though, I insist that the email at least come from him, even if I draft it to save him time.

I have almost zero communication with her. He handles everything. I don't need the stress. If I have issues I tell him and he handles it if necessary. We have maybe had 4 conversations in 4 years. As it should be. I didn't marry and divorce her. He did. His problem. My only stress comes from the kids.

I don't but I wish we did because my DH isn't so good at communicating. --He's gotten better overtime and its not all him (she doesn't communicate very well either) but I believe most of her outbursts would be preventable if there was more understanding from his end. He'd prefer to shut her out and have SD be the communicator. Most people know that making a child be the messenger between the parents harbors a lot of problems.

I understand her as a mother and the typical concerns she has regarding her kid. Now, I don't agree with parts of her parenting style. She's pulled some self-serving antics that IMO are messed up but I know she loves SD. I know she's trying to do right by her.

If BM doesn't want to I can't force her. Over time she knows now I'm not a threat to her. This year she took SD out to buy christmas gifts for her step-sibs (my kids). We're making headway

The only interaction I've had with Wilda is if there's something going on or if I'm being nice and dropping stuff off, so as a courtesy, I'll text her and let her know where it is or ask if she needs help (birthday party, etc). Other than that we don't speak. I used to try to be nice but after months of getting crapped on, I quit. She's too much of a poos-wah (french pronunciation of pussy to tell me anything to my face - she'll only bitch to BF about me via text or email. I'd love to get my hands on her but that wouldn't solve anything, just make life more miserable for BF and quite possibly SD.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

I tried to talk to her in the beginning but she got sensitive about asking her to contribute to SSs daycare so now we dont converse. She actually called her lawyer on this one (this was a text message convo).. anyway, I texted her one time since, to tell her school was closed and could she pick up her son. she was ok to me and was not rude.

I actually would not mind being able to communicate with TRW a little more. Simply being is that I feel like I am just as involved with SS as she and dad, so why cut me out? I feel left out and unimportant when DH deals with everyhting on his own.. I wish I was ok with just letting him do it all, and he does, simply b/c she doesnt want to talk to me anymore... but it does bother me.

here here!
let the ex do the talking to the ex!
if i answer the phone she is always chatty & nice to me as she knows i love & take care of hte kids but lately kids have come home from BM over the holidays to coldness & less affection towards me! so now i spend less time being anywhere near BM or contact. Best way!

The only proactive conversations I've had with Screech were to 1) ask her to tell SD when her best friend that lived next door to our house had been hospitalized with a very serious illness and 2) to ask her a question about a health issue SD was having. Otherwise, I've got caller ID, if she's calling I don't answer and she and I never email one another.

kk
I agree if BM is psycho, like ours, to avoid contact if possible. Only contact we had was when she would catch me on the phone in middle of night when she would call, drunk and nasty. I have enough stress with her daughters and their issues, generally started by her. Talking with this wack job would just make it worse for me and for DH. Only time I ever answered her letters was to tell her if she darkened my door, phone, mail or email again I would consider it harrassment and take appropriate legal measures. She has left me alone for the last 7 years. I was fortunate enough that I didn't have to seek legal help and the sd's are of legal age.

I started it.

I'm a fixer. When it all comes down to it, truthfully, that's probably why I fell in love with Loghead. He just needed help! If you ladies could have seen the way he'd send Princess to school in kindergarten, you'd have fallen too. He tried so hard, but he just didn't get it. The skids were 1,2 and 4 when he was awarded custody. He had his hands full, finishing his Masters, taking on a new job...

She had NOTHING to do with the kids. She was really messed up. I did hide when she came to get the skids if she showed for her EOW. She was horrible when she heard he was dating, and really ramped things up, trying to get him back. But we got engaged, and decided to move away. The kids were 3,4 and 6. By that time the skids were calling me "mom" and the littlest one honestly wanted to know why he had to go to the "yucky lady's house."

I did it for them. Loghead and Loca Grande couldn't communicate. It was obvious. And it was hurting the kids. So I took over communication- and documented like hell. When we moved, it was my house, and I was 3 weeks away from being the wife. I wanted everyone to see I could do this stepmothering thing. We once let her in to see where the kids would be living, and that was it. She didn't set foot in again. Then a year later, we bought a house, and things evolved. We actually had back yard BBQs with her and her husband, and on a few occassions she stayed over in the basement.

It seemed like the right thing to do for the kids.

12 years later, she has pissed me off one to many times. In November 2008 there was a huge incident and I banned her from the house- 3 moves later- for a period of time. We've kinda laxed on that again. Most exchanges are now done after sporting events. She pissed me off again in October 2009. Except for the card I sent when her grandfather died last month, I have disengaged from her. I don't need her drama. Loghead deals with it now. He's got it pretty easy now that the kids ahve cell phones and make most of the arrangements with his final approval...
"I HAD to pick the road less traveled..."

I talk to my SD's BM because I am more equipped to deal with her bullshit than my hubby is. I deal with difficult people for a living and have a sense as to how to handle them most of the time. When Hubby is frustrated he simply hangs up, which is a HUGE HUGE HUGE mistake. That only fans the flame to whatever issue is going on. Neither BM nor Hubby really know how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner. You get two people that don't know how to do this and put them into an extremely emotionally charged situation like figuring out stuff for the kid and things are bound to get ugly. My talking with BM as much as possible usually circumvents this catastrophe.