last night was BIG drama. here is the story: SD19 freshman at college asked my partner(BD) for help bc she can't find job. We prompted her to look for a job repeatedly starting last fall. She like always knew it ALL and NOW realizes it's too late to find something that garnishes her CV. She wants to be a doctor but doesn't see that she is not putting enough effort into it. Good scores aren't sufficient any more in today's competitive world! And to top it she actually broke down in TEARS and cried like a baby bc school is sooo hard. We are talking only about the easiest time in college which is freshman year with lots of general ed stuff.

If it's soooo hard already then she'd better start thinking about Plan B! Now I am evil too in front of all Stepkids and BM bc I am a successful MD (she hasn't had a job in YEARS!), well-connected and was trying to give SD through BD a heads-up hoping she can prepare herself for the competition by sending her helpful links and information.

Oh well, little baby called BM and BM called BD and started yelling into the phone: "How dare you to treat your daughter like that. I tried sooo hard to keep the kids close to you and you are pushing them away BLABLABLA."

Dad replied: "If you pay for college then you can have a say in this." and hang up.

Am I too hard? Since when can't parents push kids a bit? Should kids in college paid by BD have total freedom in their decisions?
BD is about to withdraw completely from college involvement and is being treated terribly unfairly
PLEASE GIVE US with finding arguments to defend our position against BM without loosing the kids!