Should I be able to say NO!?

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I am putting this blog entry of mine here for some input as well. I need to know if I am being unreasonable with this issue, and some unbiased input would be appreciated. --> I am so tired of FishNchip sending her kids over sick! I have talked to DH about it and we agreed they would not be sent over here sick all the time because then my son gets it and who needs to get a household sick. But...once again...he won't stand up to her and just explain why. She wants her "free nights" so we get the sick, whiney, up all night kids. I am SO tired of it. and these kids are sick ALL THE TIME! I swear. I know, being a nurse, that these kids should not be sick the way they are. Maybe her house is dirty, or the day care, but something isn't right. She's been tested for allergies, she is on antibiotics more than anyone I know. literally every other week she is at the doctor. I wish he would not push that on me, then he wonders why I am running around cleaning with disinfectant like a nut and telling my DS to stay in his room and play, that he isn't allowed to play with them because I don't want him sick. so my question is, should I be able to set that boundary? I know it's his kid and SSD (Step daughter from 1st marriage) but damn, why should she spread the germs around? I know when my DS is sick, I don't send him to his Dad's or I at least give his dad the option of hey DS is sick, I'll keep him home so your house doesn't get it. I just think that would be common courtesy, but why should I expect that out of FishNchips and he is too damn whimpy to stand up to her about it.

There isn't much you can do

There isn't much you can do since your DH won't stand up to her. The only other option would be for you guys to keep the kids until they are better. Teach BM by example. Perhaps she'll flip on the idea of you guys keeping them; reverse psychology. But everything will remain the same unless your DH tries to put a stop to it.

If all else fails take yourself and bkids to a friend's or relative's until the skids get better. Unfortunately I think its going to take you doing this for your man to do something about the situation.

it's more an issue that he

it's more an issue that he doesn't want to "start trouble". But, that's saying to me, that it's okay to start trouble between him and I about it. He knows it upsets me, he knows I have a little germaphobe thing going on so it really upsets me. He thinks I am over reacting, and basically doesn't want to upset FishNchip. It hurts my feelings and makes me feel disrespected. I tried to tell him that once, and he is all in agreement to my face, but when it comes to the actual moment of doing what he says it's a different story. I come home from work and they are already there. sick. sometimes I feel like he's honestly a wussy, for not setting rules and sticking to them.

The flip side of all this, is then I feel like who the hell am I to say he can't have his kids over when they are sick? I know it would upset me if I couldn't be there for my DS when he is ill. it's a double edged sword.

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... why would you feel worthless and weak? You gave everything, your entire heart.. giving it to him. To truly give your heart, your trust, is taking the bravest of all risks--C.Young

But is there anything he can

But is there anything he can really do??? I know my divorce decree does not state that they can not go for their weekend if they are sick.. And, the BM will probably just tell him they are his kids also and he has to take them..

I know it sucks but just wondering if it is worth the fight if there is nothing he can really do about it

I know it's a mute point,

I know it's a mute point, doesn't mean I have to like it or pretend it doesn't bother me. I will just continue to clean and wipe everything down constantly every time they are here like that.

Hi Jajita, Maybe you could

Hi Jajita,

Maybe you could try a different approach, something like "kids really prefer their Mother's over Father's when they're sick", so don't you think they should stay with her so she can "mother" them back to health? And you could offer up having them two weekends in a row if she agrees to keep them on your weekend while they're sick, so everything is even in her mind. I guess it depends on how flexible and maternal she is. I know I wouldn't want my sick child with anyone else, but I know some people simply go with the weekend rotation because "they have plans", so sick kids never get well, and germs are simply transported from one house to the other.

This is a tough situation and I feel for you.

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