Its what I wanted, right?
Well the good news is my SD is back! Which is great. The bad news is that no issues were addressed or resolved! I got another chance to have her love me again but I don't want us to fall into the same traps we did! Help me, plan this out please!
SD finally called DH and agreed she will stop demanding answers on what led to their divorce 12 years ago. whoopee, huh? DH was just so glad to talk to her he just says everything is ok now, which I am guessing means she will be here soon (probably right after Christmas, usually). Not only are we really tight on money, two hours before he had played me a truly terrifying phone conversation he recorded with BM today where I was considering getting a restraining order against her, even though they live 600 miles away, she is the scariest screamer around and she hates me! They just wear me the heck out! This probably doesn't even make sense, but I am getting what I wanted, DH/SD together again, but for some reason I am pissed?? It doesn't make sense even to me.
Fortunately I still have a counselor appt. this week, so I am going to try to make a list of what I need out of this, i.e. 'thank you', 'please', 100% respectful to DH, no pot shots at me or him from a 16 year old 'sophisticate'. Am I asking too much? I want to take this opportunity to ask for a better relationship, not just drop back into 'friend' mode, that is over for me! How to do this, Any thoughts? Please! p.s. I did read the 'disengage' article!
Most Evil
You're not asking too much
As a former doormat I can kind of relate (my parents are perpetual teenagers). I had to learn to be more assertive. I had to realize I was not responsible for other people's feelings. And in order to get respect I had to be resented for it, but not care (or at least not let THEM know I cared.) Now, this is a teenager, & teens need guidance... they'd never admit it, but they want someone to care about them enough to guide them. (I saw my little cousin act out so her mother would care enough to set her straight.) So you can let her know you care about her, you'll listen to her opinions, you'll consider her feelings, but in the end you're the one in charge.
Might I suggest reading up on becoming more assertive?
Hope this helps,
Hipi
d
d
No more doormat
You know I've found that most people aren't willing to take that extra mile, & for me (probably for you too) that extra mile isn't so extra. In fact, it's not extra at all. If I'm checking out at the grocery store I will stop & tell the checker thank you. Not talk on my cell phone & act like that person doesn't exist. It irritates the hell outta me. And I've also learned to speak up sooner - or give a severe silent treatment... in other words, I react sooner to getting burned than just taking it in. I let them know I did not like what they did & they better not do it again. Because if you don't speak up, then it'll be worse next time.
People are nuts, & unfortunately those that go the extra mile for others are few & far between.
Hipi