2 questions!!!

Forums:

Just got engaged and am curious about your experience as SP's.......1. How were SK's involved in your wedding? Mine are 8 and 10-2 girls. This is my first marriage and no bio kids.

And 2. Do DH's throw out/sell old wedding bands from previous marriage? we are moving into our new house and I feel like he may (or not and I could be assuming) have it still-we have so much crap to throw out...including old pictures from both of our previous relationships. I'm a pack rat!!! Thanks!!

We're still planning our

We're still planning our wedding. The plan for us is to involve the FSkids (I have no bios currently, and I've also never been married so I hear you) in the wedding party - it won't be totally traditional because the older kids (FSS10, FSD9 and FSS6) will be standing with him, and FSD3 as the flower girl and FSS1 as the ring bearer (I know that's young but due to a lot of situational and moving circumstances we're planning this for June 2012 :P) - but we want to involve them all. Your choice is up to you guys - some people opt to not have the children involved but at the end of the day it's you and your fiance's day so whatever is going to work best for y'all.

FH's photos from his first wedding are still here, but they're in a box for the kids to have when they're older. He sold his ring a few weeks ago, coincidentally enough, of his own accord.

aw guys!!! thanks so much

aw guys!!! thanks so much for responding as I don't have any close friends in my shoes. Yes, purging feels damn good. Do young lids stay all night at the reception? We are planning on having a babysitter come too, so they kinda have a friend and someone to watch over them while they are there since we plan on being pretty occupied lol. No other kids are invited and BM while she is quasi well behaved is not coming to pick them up, so that's our plan since the reception goes till midnight most likely. Hearing about other people's W plans is super valuable too me right bout now! And congrats to u all and GOOD LUCK! Ohhh and belize....so beautiful there I'm sure!!!

I think a babysitter would be

I think a babysitter would be a good idea. FH and I are from places that are about 800 miles apart (we'll be living where he's from due to circumstances, though my family and I are on very good terms, too) and so the wedding will take place pretty far from his family. We've tossed around the idea of paying for BM (and her boyfriend, if the two of them work things out by then) to stay in the town the wedding will be in that weekend. She wouldn't be attending the wedding or reception, but that way they could stay with her that night and/or go back with her sooner if we chose to stay a few more days. Again, it's far in the future and we also have the option of his parents so we'll see how it goes, but we're on relatively decent terms with her so it could work. I see that that isn't really something you two would like to do, and that's fair. But the idea of having someone there to look after the kids is definitely a must if you're involving them and want a reception.

exactly syn! I cannot wait

exactly syn! I cannot wait just glad others are here to help thru the tricky situations SK's can bring up. Funny thing about BM is that she would love to come pick them up and offered haha...we are just not cool with it. Will she walk right in? be calling his cell phone? be late? PERHAPS!! I suppose we could have their grandmother field the calls and do the meeting, as to not take DH away from the party, but really it just seemed too unnatural for us and I truly believe I'd have that in the back of my head up until the time...like her walzing in to take the girls or just doing something to create tension. I don't even think she means to sometimes, she JUST DOES errrr! Better to have her get them the next day for us :)Good luck to you dahhlinggg and CONGRATS!

Hee, I don't blame you for

Hee, I don't blame you for not wanting to involve her. We're lucky enough to have a pretty decent BM, but that definitely isn't the norm. Best of luck to you, too, lady! Have fun with it and keep us updated!

Welcome!! We are having a

Welcome!! We are having a winter wedding too!! And we are irish and italian so the drinking and eating will be bananas LOL cannot wait! And yeah I hear ya-no kids at rehearsal, no way! Sorry about ur SK's...are they not pro-marriage btwn u and their dad? I gotta catch up on ur blogs, girl!!

For sure! That's the

For sure! That's the problem-adults making decisions solely based on children. The relationship needs to come first, in bio and step families. I work in the mental health profession and its so sad to see how messed up kids are who are made to think the world revolves around them and what they want. So good for u and ur FDH!!!!! And LMAO-ur uncle can come have a sunday dinner with us!!!! Haha love it

DH and I eloped, and we

DH and I eloped,

and we NEVER get rid of precious metals around our house...lol!!! His old bands as well as mine are in our safe...just in case the conspiracy theorists are right!!!!!!!

My bf and I have talked a

My bf and I have talked a little about what we want to do if the time comes and we both pretty much agree on going away somewhere alone and getting married. My first, his second. He had a wedding and didnt' even want to get married the first time. I don't like to be in front of people, so going away is perfect. I want to do a suite wedding, where you get the officiant and a witness to come to your hotel room and marry you there. VEgas BABY!! HIs kids are 14, 8, and 6. My son is 12.

BM sold her rings, before

BM sold her rings, before they were even separated, before dh even knew she was sleeping around
later he threw his out while driving down the road.

we went to the JP to get married, mainly because I wouldnt taylor a wedding around skids, didnt want the drama that would have come with making our kids the biggest part..hell at that time they were like 3 and 4 and extremely wild, they were coming eow, and ss teeth were rotted, (bm wouldnt stop givnig him soda in a bottle) dh's parents think skids hung the moon... they only talk to my kids when need be, and they rarely see or talk to me and dh's kids..
I resent I didnt have a "wedding" because of his kids, and him not having big enough balls to tell his parents..

Well, my skids were older

Well, my skids were older (teenagers) and wanted to be involved with our wedding so there was no problem there.

I have no idea what my dh did with his wedding ring from marriage no 1. I don't care. No, we didn't burn or destroy anything from our first marriages, the photos and certificates and whatever are put away for the children to keep when they are older, if they want it. I think my ex burned a lot of stuff though.

SKids were in the wedding and

SKids were in the wedding and they had vows to us. SS11 was a pain in the but and refused to say them. The judge kept looking at him. If I had to do it over again, I would have them not do it.

As for the rings, gold was at a premium three years ago, so DH traded his in along with a bunch of mine, when we were paying for my ring. Saved us about 800 on the new ring. As for my ring, my 1st husband died, so I have it in a box, for my son to have it when he wants to propose to a girl. He can have it re-done for her. It is easily worth about 6K, so he is getting a nice way to start a life. Doing anything else with it never felt right.

My 3 bio-sons were all in the

My 3 bio-sons were all in the wedding and my SS17 was the JR Best Man. (We had a best man as well) My SD was supposed to be our flower girl but psycho BM purchased a ticket to PR and took her precisely the day before our wedding (intentional of course.)
I honestly didn't care, in fact I preferred she wasn't there because she would have made MY wedding day about her, hanging all over her dad and playing the "princess daddy's little girl" card. She looks thru our wedding album and says "I wish I was there" and my reply is always "Thank your mom for that."
As far as rings, my DH never married BM THANK GOD! But I took my old rings and had the stones removed and made another ring for myself.

I have 3 skids and they were

I have 3 skids and they were all in the wedding. They were our only "attendants." SS6 was the ring bearer, but he didn't carry a pillow. He stuck the rings in his shirt pocket and dug them out when the officiant asked for them. It was so cute.

SDthen8 was the flower girl and SDthen10 read "love is more thicker than forget" by ee cummings.

DH's old wedding band is lying around somewhere. We've been meaning to sell it.

letmebeme...NO, read my

letmebeme...NO, read my response! I was happy that SD9 wasn't at our wedding! It doesn't make you mean at all. She is her momma's clone and to see her face all over my pics would've really made me hurl. Uuughhhh....

so not mean. None of you

so not mean. None of you are...you're real and this is why this website is so refreshing. thank you PS...my FSD is 9 (will be 10 at wedding)and has a bedtime that night, so I get few good hours of no BM resemblance dancing on our day. As far as I'm concerned, the little one can stay all nite cause she is the spitting image of my FDH and has negative zero resemblance to BM haha but now that would be mean!!!

We eloped. And we saved our

We eloped.

And we saved our wedding rings from our previous marriages in case the kids wanted them someday.

1) We would've liked to have

1) We would've liked to have had skids participate, but DH was leery about too much information leaking to BM & having her show up. We did invite them to come. Not with an invite through the mail because it would have details, but DH talked to skids about them riding with us so BM wouldn't need details. They wanted to be there but only if BM & her boyfriend at the time could come. DH said absolutely not. He didn't talk to them about it again until about 2 weeks before the wedding. SS16 was pissed because they'd changed their minds about coming, but they didn't let us know. His feelings were hurt because DH didn't ask him to be his Best Man, & he said SD13 wanted to be the Flower Girl. DH explained that SD13 was too old to be a Flower Girl, & that he already had his best friend standing up with him as his Best Man. SS was offended & DH felt bad, but it was done. I told DH I felt he should explain that the last they told us was they weren't coming because we wouldn't have BM there. Nothing was said about them changing their minds. I also told him I felt it was important that SS understand he was not asked to be the Best Man because of what it stands for. Best Man is someone who is supportive of you & will be there for you when you need them. SS has not been that. He has lied on his dad in the courtroom to support BM. He has stolen from DH. He is not entitled to hold the Best Man title.

2) I sold my rings when I left my ex. I didn't want them. I didn't have children to pass them on to, & I needed the money more than I needed my rings sitting there in my jewelry box. DH doesn't have his ring either. BM pawned it with hers & kept the money when she left, so I guess she doesn't have them to pass on to her children either.

As far as pictures, we both still have all of our pictures & will keep them. His kids will want the pictures from the years they were all together. I couldn't imagine asking him to throw those out. I keep all of my pictures just because I like having them. My ex isn't a part of my life now, but he was a big part of my life at one time. I don't look at them & wish I could have him back. Honestly, when I look through them I recall how naive I was at that time...the hurt & loniness I felt over those years & it reminds me how much I've grown since then. I don't want to lose that perspective.

My dh ran away and married in

My dh ran away and married in Vegas! Greatest thing ever. I have no clue what he did with his wedding band from his marriage to bm-I know he no longer has it. I think I used to know what he did with it but I really didnt care so it didnt lodge in my memory. My first husband died and i do still have my wedding rings which i will keep for my two children from that marriage. i have all of my old wedding pics and all old pics of our lives together-they are in scrapbooks in my office and teh kids are free to look at them anytime they like. (I know that's kind of different than a nasty ex) My dh also has some pics of bm and his wedding, a few of their time together, and a few of them with ss. They are put away in a box for him. I, myself, have shared these with ss when he was younger as he had some confusion-he could not understand that I wasn't his real mom and couldn't believe that his mom and dad were ever together.

Why throw it away. At least sell it for the gold value and party with the money.

Best regards.