Dynamics:
Me, Bio mom of 4, 3 from previous marriage
Him, Bio dad of 5, 4 from previous marriage
(we have a 1yr old together)

DBF and I were married for 2 years, divorced for almost 1 year, however never really stopped being in a relationship. We now have separate residences, but for the most part live as a family unit at my residence, with my 3 bio kids from previous, and our 1 yr old DD.

DBF 4 boys come visit 3-12 times a year, depending on schedules,and finances, they live 5 hours away.

Just recently had them for a 2 week visit, in my home.

Problem: DBF, disney Dads it all the way. My house rules don't apply to skids apparently. They do not have a bed time. They play video games non stop. They break expensive toys, and the biggest issue I have is that the youngest is 10.5yr old, still wets the bed, simply because he is scared to get up and go to the bathroom at night, even though I leave every freaking light in the house on, so he still wears pull ups, follows his dad around and says "I love you DaDa" every 30-60 minutes, has an all out temper tantrum, crying, throwing toys, being hateful, if he is not treated like a king, and allowed to do anything and everything he wants. So BF pretty much caters to him non stop.

Where this all comes to a head is this....in my home, BF is still considered full time SD to my kids. He parents them as I do. When my 5 yr old has a potty accident, he is to lose a privelege, such as gaming, since he usually won't stop playing a game to go to the bathroom.

My 6 yr old, tends to have tantrums, and BF had no problem disciplining her for her tantrum. Yet his 10.5 yr old doesn't have any consequences.

My final solution to this problem, was to advise BF in the future, visits with the skids should be done at his home, that way they can all do whatever they want, I won't see it, my kids here won't see the difference in parenting, and then I won't be upset, and he can enjoy his time with his children.

He became upset, defending his actions, as if everyone should cater to these guys, because they aren't here much, and then stated he would no longer watch or help out with my children, and would start residing at his home permanently, yet wants to maintain a relationship.

Why does it have to be so darn difficult, to get a man to understand, that allowing his children to act like fools for the 2 weeks that they are here, is not good parenting, especially when it takes place in my home, where there are rules?

He is only teaching them, that in life, if there is a special circumstance, then the rules don't apply, which is rarely the case...

I honestly can not stand the 10.5 yr old skid anymore, because he totally manipulates the situation, and although it is not his fault for what his father allows him to do, I just don't want to deal with the BS anymore.

SKIDs when they come, refuse to eat hamburger helper, mac/cheese, spaghetti, or cheap anything. They demand steak, tacos, grocery store shopping sprees to buy all name brand food, and their Dad allows it, and then it takes at least a month to recover financially from their visit.

When they are here, we have a household of 10 to feed, and they are all growing boys between 10.5 and 16. I wouldn't mind the steak thing, but if we fix steak, they want like 3 a piece.

I hate to be nit picky about his crap, but honestly, they complain they don't see their Dad much, and if they could quit demanding to be treated like royalty and their Dad would stop treating them as such, maybe we could afford more visits, as for the 2 weeks they were here, food cost me over $500.

Any suggestions?