BM issues
Is anyone else dealing with a BM that does EVERYTHING for their child? Everytime I ask my SD (7 years old) she always seems to have an excuse and the most common one is "but mom doesmt make me do that"! The BM is doing everything for her and its hard to lay down our own rules at our house. She does finally do what we ask but its like pulling teeth. It seems she doesnt want to let the child grow up and do things on her own. She still carries her like she would a 2 year old and I just found out a few days ago that she BM STILL gives her a sippy cup there! I was wondering why she was spilling her drinks all the time and when I asked her she told me that she gets a sippy cup! And then there is the potty accidents that I am still dealing with. Of course, the BM says she doesnt have that problem at her house so we had to resort to getting diapers until she stops. I am waiting for the BM to find out how we are dealing with it but from the wonderful advise I received from some of you on here, I expect to get some serious flack from her and I am prepared for whatever she throws my way. And, I DO have my husbamds complete support on this which I didnt totally have before. What are some of the things that the BM does with your step that seems like she does not want the child to grow up or will spoil and do everything for them. And like here, does it affect how he or she follows the rules at your house. I know I have to pick my battles but I just cant let her not follow the rules at my house and everyday, I am finding out more and more about what BM still does for her at 7 years old. I cant beleive she still has a sippy cup there at her age. Thanks everyone.
Katie
I agree with Proud_Arrow,
I agree with Proud_Arrow, empower her to want to be independent and repeat over and over "well here we don't do it that way" Kids are very much able to adapt to different rules at different houses, school, daycare, whatnot.
Thanks, I do encourage her to
Thanks, I do encourage her to be a big girl and its getting better but there are times where she will try to puch us to see how far we will go. I cant stand the baby talking, she does that pretty much all the time and it drives me crazy. I usually ignore her or tell her that she needs to use her big girl voice because I cant understand her. We are also working on the potty problems as well as new rules she NEEDS to follow and when she is at our house she will follow OUR rules. I am waiting for the BM to have a hissy fit about how we are dealing with some of the things here. We will cross that bridge when we get there.
Katie
Anyone else have a BM like
Anyone else have a BM like this?
Katie
Ugh. When kiddo comes back
Ugh. When kiddo comes back from just a few hours with bm he does the baby talk, the i dropped my teddy bear right next to me so will you come over here from accross the room and pick it up for me routine, the im going to burst into tears now because you just told me no routine, the i spent five hours with my bm so i no longer have to say please or thank you or excuse me or youre welcome routine, the instead of asking politely if i can go play outside im going to march up to you and say i want to go outside routine, the i havent been afraid of the dark for the last six months but i just spent time with my bm so now it terrifies me and we have to go through that again routine, the i forgot how to wipe my own butt so iwishyouwould needs to do it for me routine, the i forgot how to put my shirt on by myself routine...i could go on and on. UGH! We have no idea what is said to kiddo while he is over there, how he is treated, what goes on, nothin but let me tell you this - the day before kiddo sees bm he puts trash in the trash can without being asked, puts his dishes in the sink without being asked, puts his clothes in the hamper and his shoes in their cubbies and is the most polite child you will ever meet. When he comes back - its that shit. Ugh. Maybe you wouldnt feel the need to treat your preschooler like an infant if you had actually been around for years zero through 4 you crazy little sh*t.
Grimm, the 8 year old
Grimm, the 8 year old actually says she is lazy??? My SD would never say that. She says but mom does it for me or I dont have to do that at moms house ect. I too dont know what all goes on there but I do know for a fact that BM still carries her and gives her sippy cups at 7 years old! I can probably assume what else goes on there. BM babies her too much and its like she cant do anything for herself. Heck, she doesnt even make it to the bathroom on time!
Iwish, I cant stand the baby talking here! That gets under my skin and you can only ignore it for so long before you snap. It takes her days to get back into the routine here after visiting BM!
Katie
Good question grimm!!! That
Good question grimm!!! That never happens here but good question!!
Katie
Heh. As soon as someone
Heh. As soon as someone moves in with bm or she gets married, those girls are gonna be in their own rooms so fast they wont know what hit them. Thats so bad.
Don't tell bio mom anything.
Don't tell bio mom anything. You'll just start WWIII. If your husband wants to speak to her then fine but the war may still break out.
You are right that she doesn't want the kid to grow up. If I were you I would just continue to take care of the kid as best you can. Let Dad take whatever action he wants with his ex. Give him emotional support but DO NOT interact yourself with the ex.
By doing nothing this kid will eventually grow out of it. One accident at school will put an end to potty training and don't think this will be the first kid to learn it that way. It's rough and the parents fault but its effective.
Remember you are powerless when it comes to decisions. Dad is close to powerless because his 2 days or so of "custody" are totally negated by the 12 days with Mom. And of course learning new things is hard, even for children, so this kid will revert back the moment she steps back into Mom's home.
My advise: Just live with it. Use diapers, mop up spilled milk and bide your time. The kid will work this out through normal maturity.
I totally understand. My SD
I totally understand. My SD still calls dad daddy and me plain ole mom. I dont mind but daddy at 7 years old? Wow dada sounds even more babyish. Do they ever ask for help doing the simplest things like getting dressed or getting drinks....things like that? That happens all the time here and I ask myself if BM is actually still dressing her there! When I am in a hurry and need to help her get dressed, instead of helping, she throws herself on the floor and expects me to dress her! OH heck no!! Please feel free to add me as a friend if you like.
Katie
Same here, she turns into a
Same here, she turns into a helpless 2 year old when she doesnt want to do things for her self. Its not that she cant do it..its that she WONT. She still puts her shoes on the wrong feet most of the time. I try so hard not to induldge her but its hard when we are running late for something or at bedtime and she is just stalling us. Per some excelent advice I got, I have been documenting EVERYTHING she does and doesnt do incase BM wants to start something because she doesnt like the way we handle things here and what our rules are as opposed to hers (which I already can figure out that there are NO rules for her there). I have been working on her paying attention more when she eats and has drinks because she is the messiest/sloppiest child I know! She still tries to eat with her fingers...even with spaghetti (I hate spaghetti night here) and she gets it ALL over the place. The floor, the table, on her shirt and pants, on her face and even in her hair...everywhere but her mouth! She isnt a picky eater but she will let me know when I am making something that she doesnt like and will tell me...mom doesnt make me eat that! Things like corn or scalloped potatoes. I can see something like spinach or brussle sprouts but corn?? Sometimes I wish I had a dog that can hover around her chair to get anything she drops on the floor. We pretty much have to stick her in the tub right after dinner. Whats the best way to handle a messy eater? I know its wrong to send her to bed hungry but at 7, she should have SOME manners and know how to eat properly. We can only tell her to eat like a big girl so many times you know?? HELP! I cant imagine how BM deals with it over there...or should I say doesnt deal with it. Thanks!
Katie