Can I bitch about MY BIO son who is driving me nuts?
BS12 is driving me insane. He has always been a good kid but lately, he has turned from Jekyl to Hyde. He is in the 7th grade and I know this is a difficult time for kids, with hormones raging and all but Geez!!
Over the last several weeks he has gotten worse and worse.. If I tell him to do something, I spend 20 minutes getting him to do it. He has to be told 3-4 times and then firmly before he will act. If I tell him NOT to do something, he just HAS to do it. Example: BS12 please do not put your feet on the table.... He is GOING to do it and if I'm not looking...he is going to draw my attention to the fact that he did it anyway. He has recently started TRYING to toss some curse words out.. Mostly when his friends are around. If he is doing that around me, what appears to be on purpose, I KNOW he is probably doing it for real at school. I suppose that is trying to be "cool".
I have taken away most of his priveledges at this point. Cell phone, dirtbike, no hanging out in the neighborhood with his friends, no friends over, no computer time, and I have added extra chores!!!
Where the hell did my kid go??? He is normally very helpful, kind, considerate, even openly loving (without embarrassment). Ugh!!
Today he tried to put words in my mouth and tell me I told him he could do something that I KNOW I did not tell him he could do, which is a recognized trait of my ExH, his BF. When I did not give in, he got mad and yelled at me!!!! I was leaving to drop BS15 at his karate class. When BS12 yelled at me, I left, leaving his ass at home.
He called me and asked why I told him he could go and then left him home. I told him that I was not going to put up with this "out of the blue" utter disrepect anymore.. I was not discussing it via telephone. I would think about the situation and would let him know the consequences after I thought it through.
When I returned home he was being really nice. I sat him down and told him I love him but will not tolerate this behavior any longer. He has until the time he goes to his BF for the Christmas Holiday to have gotten his attitude in check and find the kid that is seemingly lost OR when the visitation time comes, I would pack his clothes and send him to live with his BF and SM. - I don't want to do that, but I have had it. This hasn't been going on for months and months, but it HAS been constant no matter what my efforts. Its seems to be even more difficult for me coming from my normally "good" child.
Today, the only thing I want to be is a missing person.... Ugh!!
Have I posted this in the
Have I posted this in the wrong place?
Is there a better forum here
Is there a better forum here to post this? I could really use some feedback.
Middle school boys are just
Middle school boys are just awful! My oldest made us crazy from about 12 until about 15. The really frustrating thing was that he NEVER got in trouble at school. And I never heard anything but "oh your son is so polite..." from everyone. Apparently, he saved all of his asshole-ness for us.
We did the same thing you're doing. We took everything out of his room. We grounded him. We took away privileges. Nothing worked for very long. At one point he told me I couldn't take away his television because "my dad gave it to me...it's not yours to take". DH and I said.."ok". And we went out to the garage and cut the power to his room. When he started screaming about having no power, we reminded him that we paid for the electricity. Luckily, he had the entire third floor of the house to himself and it is on a separate circuit. Cutting the power was easy...and he had no idea how to turn it back on.
Creative punishment.
He did get better around age 16. We bought him a car, and the thought of losing his car was apparently a fate worse than death. I swear that car kept him in line for the rest of high school. That pain in the ass middle schooler is now a college junior on a full scholarship. It does get better. But oh. my. gosh. ....those middle school years were hell.
OMG... Thank you both. My
OMG... Thank you both. My older son BS15, went through a difficult time too, but his was more of a quieter version and not so IN YOUR FACE like BS12 is doing. BS15 was more introverted during this time, though he usually is not, and was just mean to everyone in our house that tried to talk to him about anything.. He seems to be getting alot better. His comes more in cycles now rather than constant.
Mom2Five, At one point I (DH watched as I dished out this dicipline, as he should have) removed everything from BS15 bedroom. I removed 3 guitars, amps, Drums, Video Games, Laptop, Cell Phone, Ipod. I did not remove his TV but I unscewed the cord to the satellite (so the TV was rendered useless). The only thing I left was a stereo that nothing works on but the radio....his bed, dresser, and desk. To make it clear that I was not taking his CRAP anymore, I told him The Law Requires that we provide you with FOOD, SHELTER AND CLOTHING everything else is optional!!! He said to me, "Ok but Mom, I bought the drums and I should be able to keep them". My response, "Yes, but you are not allowed to play them in our house or on our property until I give you permission to". He earned his belonging back over time. I refused to just it all back to him at once, it took him about 6 weeks to get it all back.
I know all kids are different and mine definitely are!! Its good to know that mine are not the only ones going crazy.
Spunki, You are right "Shipping him off/ threatening to ship him off...IMO is wrong". He was a very good child after this conversation. However, I gave it alot of thought after he went to bed last night and I was alone. I KNOW he does not want to live with his Dad and SM... and while he has issues with his SM (as they all seem to) he lays the blame on his BF for SM actions, rather than blaming BF action on the SM, most of the time. Imagine That!!!
Being both BM and SM I really do my best to guide him to not be an ass to SM. When he comes home bitching about something she did, or didnt do, I listen to him and then I encourage him to be respectful of her even on the days he don't like her.
I'm sure I could never send him anyway, not even to his BF but YESTERDAY I was beside myself and didn't know what else to say to the kid to make it stop. I was pulling my hair out.
My two oldest are as
My two oldest are as different as night and day. My oldest was the in-your-face pain in the ass, horrible temper kid. My second oldest (my stepson) was more the passive aggressive type. Both of them were just horrid during middle school. But my oldest was definitely the most difficult.
And don't even get me started on my girls.....
omg..I so understand... my
omg..I so understand... my BS14 is such a pain in my ass lately....perfect angel at school but to get him to do anything is like pulling teeth. I have to ask him 10 times until I get mad and then he finally does it. Eats everything in the house and then denies doing it...damn that boy. My older son wasn't as big of a pain but he went through the same "growing pains" too but not as bad as this one. LOL...it shall pass.
BS15... Who seems to have
BS15... Who seems to have chilled some.. Has adopted this mentality of "noone should have the right to make another person do anything"... When he was younger I battled it, now he just likes to say it occassionaly. I just ignore it and we go on... Somehow BS12 (original complaint of this post) WILL NOT let me ignore him. I do the best I can, but this IN MY FACE attitude is unbearable.
Its nice to see that I'm not the only ones dealing DEMON teenagers. I have two friends that have older boys, 21-28 yrs in age. They tell me that their boys didn't act like this!!!! I was hoping they would tell me its normal and it will get better ONE DAY.. Nope, "My boys didn't act like that, they always loved their Momma"- Well that crushed me, because I needed to hear that it will get better at some point.