Not selfish at all! I have spent almost 10 years not liking my SS, but not being able to say it to anyone. I thought I was supposed to love him because I loved his dad. Unless I met my SS on the street and he treated me with respect I'd have no problem, but he's not like that to anyone. I am starting to realize that I don't need to give respect to anyone that doesn't deserve it-and that includes my SS. My DH constantly accuses me of not liking SS and I always lie and say that I do..I can't wait until the next arguement (probably tonight when SS comes over) and he brings it up again. I am going to tell the truth for once! Seriously...why should I be so concerned about hurting his feelings when it's obvious that DH or SS don't care about mine. God, I love this site!

I have never met my SO's kids face to face. After hearing about them, after hearing from them, I decided it was better to stay away until they were adults. This way if they should become nasty to me based on lies of BM.... I can set them straight w/o remorse. I would rather try to forge a relationship with them on MY terms, not theirs. If not, that's good too. }:) However, these are not kids (young adults) who would receive much respect from me based on how they were raised and what their expectations from everyone in their lives are. Not the kind of people I would associate with. JMHO.

There are plenty of bio parents that can't stand their children or even talk to them so don't feel bad that you don't like some stranger just because your spouse helped create them - you are an adult and so are they - if you don't want to have them in your life that is the beauty of being an adult - don't engage luckily no one is forcing you to see them.

If I met his adult son, I am pretty sure I wouldn't have thought he was stable. It's just one of those things, you know? He can fake it for a little while, but then the real him comes out.

If I met his adult daughter (as she is now), even seeing her at a distance in Walmart, I would have said, "Wow, now there's a piece of trailer trash". She just oooooooozes skank.

NO, I would not be their friend.

SD21 - we wouldn't be friends and I wouldn't like her because she is a rudely person and we wouldn't gel.

SS20 - he's charming and cute, we have a lot of fun with him, but he's never around. he lives with BM and chooses not to rock the boat. he is mad at DH for "leaving" BM

SS17 - well, if I saw him on the street, i would offer him my pocketchange and give him a big mac.

Interesting...Ive battle this question from day one when our first alone time he had a tantrum because he lost a video came we were playing against each other. He was 10 at the time..now hes 18. I have no children myself so I just passed this as how kids are etc..but has hes grown in front of my eyes there are still things in his persobality that I dont like, and have felt guilty feeling this way. I have told myself I have these feeling becuase he not "my blood"..and maybe he actual not that bad kid. Since I been on this site I see that Im not alone..but obviously Im concerned if I share these thoughts wife my wife I will create problem with the two of us.

i adore my ss11. he is am immense kid who makes me laugh, is creative, handsome and one of the most intellegent little people I have ever met. I knew him before me and SO got together too and liked him then. Its the edges that need polishing, basic ettiquite and table manners, slight entitlement etc its not his fault its the way his BM is with him. He has auspergers and he just doesnt have a mean or ill willed bone in his body. he excells at school having just brought home the most excellent report card I have ever seen, bar the homework that doesnt get done at BMs. But he has potential to be an AMAZING person. He is the physical spitting immage of BM.
SS9 makes my blood boil. He is the polar opposite of his older brother. he is lazy, spoiled, selfish, mean, manipulative, whiny, ENTITLED, and in love with his own mum. When he is good, he is good. but it normally means he wants something. He is the physical spitting image of SO.

It is actually really hard for both me AND my SO..as we both feel the same way about both of the boys. He is about ready to give up with SS9 as he does not enjoy spending time with him at all.

But, if you asked BM to describe her children she would definitely say the same thing as above, only about the reverse. her youngest is her angel that can do no wrong and her oldest is a burden with his disability.

SD3 is too young to tell yet.
and she just hit her moody tantrum phase.

My ss18 isnt particulary rude or disrespectful unless we have a disagreement and he doesnt really mistreat me. Its more his personality. He's a drama king. Big talker..manipulator and has lied to my face on several occasions. So this has affected my perception of him. So Im battling is this just typical teenage behavior that is commom or is the reason my tolerance level gets exceeded because bottom line I just dont like him and is why I have no patience to deal with him..Does this make since?

yeah time will tell. Im hoping SS18 wakes up. So iloveit your SD's are blatantly rude to you. yeah I would feel that same way that a shut down towards them would be in order. If my SO didnt back me up I would really have to evaluated the situation. My SO is diffinately a conflict avoider which is why SS18 has become the person he is. At like you have mentioned SS18 issues with his Bio parents breakup in the first place has never been dealt with..lots of anger in that boy

I think a lot of it comes with the basic moral values that are taught to them at an early age.

my skids have issues with entitlement, and the bm is one of the most entitled people i have ever come across in my life. something for nothing could be the title of her autobiography. she was the only child of an only child (her mums side) and her dad has 7 brothers. talk about spoiled princess syndrome. she actually said to my SO when they were in the thralls of separation 'NO ONE SAYS NO TO ME WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES'
the sad thing is that after all of this holier than though crap she spews she has no sense of self worth. I really hope my SO and I can work this crap outta the skids so they are decent, hardworking people one day.

I certainly would not want to know my SD(27) because she's all the things that I'm not . . lazy, selfish, manipulative, mean sprited and petty. When DH and I first got married she used to walk through the house wearing a pair of pants that read "daddy's girl" on the butt. It went downhill from there (she lives with us).

She recently got engaged and DH had the nerve to remind her fiance that she was: rough around the edges, smart mouthed, selfish, not easy to get along with, not friendly, etc. and asked him if he was sure he wanted to marry her. So DH actually tried to discourage the engagement and I told him he should be ashamed of himself.
I could be evil and tell her what DH said and cause a rift in their relationship, but I believe in karma and I know she'll get hers for being such a witch.

I have a normal, healthy relationship with my dad.
I had a normal healthy relationship with my mom. (she died last year)
I also have a normal, healthy relationship with my stepmom.
my dad NEVER EVER guilt parented me or my sister. he was straight talking, earn your worth. my stepmom, well. she is a bit spoiled but she does NOT throw it in anyones face. She has her PHD and worked damn hard to get it. She inherited young, and subsequently had 3 inheritances since but has NEVER used the money stupidly. In fact she helped my dad start his now, very successful business when he was bout 40. but if she could give it all back to have back the people she lost, she would in a heart beat.
Simples: I was raised by people that were raised well. I was taught that if you want something, go out and earn it. Manners dont cost a thing, but they are worth the earth. Dont lie, cheat or steal and dont trust anyone who doesnt value these simple rules.

Iloveit . .thanks for the daddy/daughter link. My goodness that is totally disgusting. In my case I do think my DH wanted to sabotage the relationship because he felt like he was losing his little girl. I came down on him hard and threatened to tell her so now he's backed off, minding his own business and keeping his mouth shut. I've been trying to get rid of her for the last few years and now that I see a light at the end of the tunnel, he doesn't want to let her go. It's pathetic. I've also told him that once she's gone . .there is no coming back . . or I'm leaving.

Their relationship was a bit too close and in the beginning I was ready to move out a few months after I moved in. One night me and DH were in our bedroom w/the door closed and SD was cooking. She knocked on the door; DH opened it and she proceeded to feed him a forkfull of the food she'd cooked. I kicked him out of the bedroom. Now . .is it just me or was that totally inappropriate?

I too was raised with good manners and respect . . something alot of the young folks today no nothing about. SD had a bad attitude and a sassy mouth. If she were my BD I would have put my fist in it along time ago. She lives w/dad because her mom kicked her out when she was a teenager because she was a lazy little witch and that hasn't changed.

Yes, very interesting question!! SD can be polite when she's alone, so I think if I didn't know her father, if I met her alone (she acts different when with her boyfriend) then I might not think poorly of her immediately. But I could also tell that if I were closer in age to her and met her in a school type setting, I never would have liked her.

I guess to make it more clear: if I were to meet her today without knowing her father, and I probably wouldn't have much of an opinion of her. She's just a young adult. If I got to know her better, I would like her less and less because her entitlement would start to show.

I have asked myself the same question with my inlaws......to answer about the step kids first, no, they are very deceiptful young men. This is the question that helped me disengage from my inlaws.

To iloveit - you are so right. For the life of me, I don't understand why fathers don't realize how much damage they are causing by enabling their adult daughters. It is so unhealthy. Heck it's a wonder my SD learned to drive. I had to have along talk with DH because when we first got married because things were so out of hand, he wanted me to go in her room to retrieve dirty towels. Not only did I not do it but forbade him to do it as well.

Shortly after moving in, I had to tell SD not to leave meat on the table overnight to thaw out. . .DH said he thought she knew. So I'm also dealing with him not exposing her to things she should know because HE did everything for her.

The other night DH asked me if SD had eaten the dinner he'd prepared the night before. I got disgusted and told him I didn't track her eating habits and reminded him we didn't have any babies in the house. I walked out of the kitchen and forced him to finish fixing his own dinner. SD will turn 28 this year!

SD will be getting married soon and her hubby will be in for a rude awakening. Not sure he's really sure of what he's getting in to but she's going to become his problem.

You have no idea how happy I am. The only bummer is that it will take place next year and not this year . . like I was hoping. I'm afraid however that it's somehow not going to work out and she'll end up back here with us . .and I'll be forced to leave.

Good grief, sounds like your DH is leaning to buying her a new car .. . . just so she'll be safe. They just don't get it do they? The sad thing is daddy won't always be around. Reminds me of the time SD told DH that the washing machine wasn't getting her clothes cleaned (like she's a construction working rolling around in the mud) and he had the nerve to tell me "I'm looking at new washers." And I told him, that's all he was going to do . .look. The washer works fine and until it breaks down . .we're going to continue to use it. I don't know who's more sickening DH or SD. :jawdrop: